‘Sociopath next door...’

They are not necessarily destructive:

Kirthi HEWAMANNA

A sociopath in the family can wreak havoc and destroy the family. They can be in your workplace too. They can be professionals, entrepreneurs, politicians and your spouse and your own family members. They have no conscience, they don't care about others and they don't feel guilty. According to research up to 4 percent of the general population are sociopaths and most of them go undetected.

Most of the information in this article is from two excellent books written on the subject. They are: Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us, and The Sociopath Next Door.

The first book is by Robert Hare, who has made his career out of studying sociopaths. He's one of the leading, if not the leading expert on the subject. His insights and examples are compelling. But because Hare has done most of his research in prisons, sometimes his book seems a little removed from everyday reality. We don't very often run into rapists and cold-blooded killers. The second book, by Martha Stout, brings it to the everyday level, describing the kinds of people we are likely to meet in ordinary life.

When you say the word 'sociopath' most people think of serial killers. But although many serial killers are sociopaths, there are far more sociopaths leading ordinary lives. Chances are you know a sociopath. I say 'ordinary lives,' but what they do is far from ordinary. Sociopaths are people without a conscience. They don't have the normal empathy the rest of us take for granted. They don't feel affection. They don't care about others. But most of them are good observers, and they have learned how to mimic feelings of affection and empathy remarkably well.

Profile of the Sociopath

A sociopath deceives, takes what he (or she) wants, and hurts people without any remorse. Sociopaths don't feel guilty. They don't feel sorry for what they've done. They go through life taking what they want and giving nothing back. They manipulate and deceive and convincingly lie without the slightest second thought.

This article summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behaviour of sociopaths.

* Glibness and superficial charm
* Manipulative and conning

They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviours as permissible.

They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

* Grandiose sense of self

Feels entitled to certain things as 'their right.'

* Pathological lying

Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis.

Can create and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

* Lack of remorse, shame or guilt

A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities.

Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

* Shallow emotions

When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

* Incapacity for love

* Need for stimulation

Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

* Callousness/lack of empathy

Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

* Poor behavioural controls/impulsive nature

Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

* Early behaviour problems/juvenile delinquency

Usually has a history of behavioural and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends;

* Irresponsibility/unreliability

Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

* Promiscuous sexual behaviour/infidelity

Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.

* Lack of realistic life plan/parasitic lifestyle

Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

* Criminal or entrepreneurial versatility

Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

Who are these people? Why are they the way they are? Apparently it has little to do with upbringing. Many studies have been done trying to find out what kind of childhood leads to sociopathy. So far, nothing looks likely. They could be from any kind of family. It is partly genetic, and partly mystery.