Peer pressure - be yourself!

Amalshan GUNERATHNE

Though many of us would like to believe that we have what it takes to carve-out our own path and be whatever that we want to be, underneath this yearning for originality and self-independence, there also lies a deep rooted desire and a need to conform and fit in. Hence, we are crippled in our attempts to be what we want to be and often end up like mindless copies of those that live around us. As the famous writer Rudyard Kipling says, “To be your own man is a hard business, if you try it, you will be lonely often and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”

Though Kipling may eloquently say as such, loneliness is often dreaded by many. Friends and colleagues are often considered as treasured parts in our lives that it is only natural we get influenced by their company. While it is great to have a control of your own life and be independent in your decision making, not often that you get to do it all by yourself- the influence of others do creep in and affect your behaviour and choices sometimes without you even knowing it. Though this sort of peer-pressure is prevalent at all junctures of your life, its influences are more prevailing when you are growing up and trying to find your way in the world.

As adolescence is a phase where both mind and body are subjected to major changes with hormones growing, the individuals are prone to impulsive behaviour and are often prone to give in to emotions and impulses without much self-control. Perhaps this may be the reason that teens are more vulnerable to such pressure from their peers than some of other age groups.

While positive peer influence is not necessarily a bad thing and could create a positive impact in your life, there often exist instances where your colleagues could pressure you to do things that you do not feel comfortable in doing which could often lead to dire consequences. Specially when growing up, you would dread being kept away from your peers and in the process of being with that treasured company would feel obliged to intake many of their character traits, habits and other routine mannerisms.

Just leave me alone!

I’m worried!

And in trying to fit in, there also lies the grave probability of you losing your sense of identity and your uniqueness in the process. You could end up becoming carbon-copies of your peers. As English poet Edward Young questions, “Born Originals, how comes it to pass that we die Copies?” Probable answer would indicate that it is the relentless peer and social pressure that are enforced on us through-out our livers that jeopardizes our originality in such way and prevents our potential from flourishing to the full.

Also as pointed out above, while it is fine to give in to positive peer-pressure and intake positive character traits from your colleagues and friends, it is those negative mannerisms that you often have to look out for. With this regard, one could question as to why do people do things that they do not feel comfortable in doing, when put under such peer pressure. An obvious reason would be the fear of being rejected by your treasured gang of friends and the dreaded thought of losing them. Or else it may be that you just do not want to hurt their feelings and feel it is rude to say ‘no’ to their proposals. If not, in the cases such as submitting to the use of alcohol, drugs, porn or other malpractices, it may be that you feel the need to show and prove that you are all manly and grown up to your mates.

In Sri Lankan context, many youth often get in to drinking and other drug habbits, due to such pressure enforced on them by their mates. It does not necessarily mean that mates force you violently to get in to those habits. “I do not want to force you, but just take a sip and see,” your friend would casually say. It may even come in the form of a friendly suggestion or a proposal. For instance, if you are at a social gathering where your colleagues are having a drink, a casual suggestion would say, “come on - it is just one beer, take it, everyone else is having one.” The suggestion may sound light and friendly, but the pressure that it puts on the non-drinker is immense. While the non-drinker may feel awkward at the suggestion, the scary thought of being looked up to as an oddity or misfit might induce him in to give up his habits and conform to their habits. Such is the pressure of ‘not taking alcohol,’ that it even goes to the ridiculous extent that, if you are a non-drinker, even your masculinity is questioned.

Speaking of the pressure that it puts on the individual, non-drinker and a youth of twenty three who wished to stay anonymous noted, “Sometimes it needs a great strength to say ‘no.’ The pressure is enormous. Because when your friends take drinks and you are not in to that they look down upon you. And drinking is something that they do for fun, so you also feel like you are missing out on lots of fun. Yes while you will feel tempted to try, you can always get by without doing it. But it demands lots of moral strength and discipline to reject it completely. It is important to have set of friends who would respect your choice as well.”

The ideal way to avoid such peer pressure would be to hang around with a set of friends whom you feel comfortable with, friends that could have a positive impact in your life. But then again with you being exposed to various segments of friends in school times, extra classes and other extra curricular activities, it is next to impossible to restrict yourself only to a specific segment of friends. And alienating yourself from friends will not do any good to develop your social skills either.

Blending and fitting-in might sound like good advice, but if blending means losing your colour, shape and losing your sense of identity in the process, that would not serve any positive purpose either. The key to tackling such pressure, as emphasized above would be to master the strength to say ‘no’ to all such negative suggestions.

And if need be, open yourself up to someone you can trust on your issues and look for much needed emotional support, ideally your parents or even teachers. Having said that, even as adults would confess, it is always easy to be impulsive and give in to such pressure than fight it and therefore as cliché as it may sound, the key is to be disciplined and be strong in your moral stands.
 

I am pressurized!
No! Please !!!!!!	Oh! look at him
She’s a coward!