Dealing with silent treatment

Shenali BOTEJU

If you were ever asked what you would like to have a person you know change about himself or herself, I’d take a wild guess that it would be about their personality. It could be their behaviour that is bothering you. Or it could be that little something that is lacking in them that you would like to see more. Maybe it is a bad habit that you would like to see the back of. The point is, people never cease judging us. We make mistake because we are human and we criticise because we are human as well.

This, in short, is how we determine the attitude of an individual. Never underestimate a sensitive person, because if you do, you would end up being very sorry indeed. They posses one of the most lethal weapons up their sleeves, concealed for those moments when they feel defenceless and cornered. Introducing, what you could simply call...the silent treatment.

Surprisingly, the silent treatment is supposed to be a long standing practise. It is a way of shutting out or shunning and is ridiculously effective at times. Designed to ostracise, the silent treatment focuses on social behaviour and response in order to manipulate and control situations beyond their physical control. And as I mentioned before, it proves to be a very effective and a striking weapon.

In other words, the silent treatment ignores the very existence of a person. By ignoring someone, it normally puts him on the defensive as he tries to figure out a way to regain the former friendship, and usually end up taking the wrong decisions. This is why I say ‘lethal’ weapon; the victim is demoralised and reduced to a clueless state of helplessness.

Most people do not know how to deal with these sort of situations. The very first mistake is assuming they have done nothing wrong to deserve it and making a huge deal to prove it. That sort of behaviour simply worsens the situation. First you have to assess the situation. Make sure that you are actually being ignored or left out of planned events. Secondly you should take time to review the action that triggered this silent treatment. If you cannot fathom why, ask.

You obviously might not get a reply at first, but keep trying, nice and gently mind you, and you will eventually get an answer.

Thirdly, apologise. This is a crucial point when it comes to patching things up. Fourth, discuss the offence. Easier said than done, I know, but it most definitely will work. Closure enables us to have a respectful understanding with each other. Finally, make all efforts to reconcile. Keep trying, but if you are met with continual refusal, walk away and let it pass. By doing this you are simply giving each other time to think things over.

Research work crowns silent treatment as a poor yet effective way to communicate your disappointments and anger. Poor because by doing so it does not get you very far and effective because by saying nothing you actually make someone pay you more attention than usual.

What is interesting is that it is a form of Ostracism. When someone is Ostracised, it effects a part of their brain called the Anterior Cingulate Cortex. This is your part of the brain that generates physical pain. Simply by ignoring somebody’s presence, you can inflict pain on them, mild or serious. This is basically what the silent treatment is designed to do.

Remember, unless you want to cause another person physical pain using his or her own mentality, I suggest you think twice about the consequences. Take the initial step of showing maturity by finding more convenient ways to convey your feeling.