ISLAM

Treating elders with respect and dignity

British Muslim doctor’s shocking findings and message to youth worldwide :

Recalling his experience after working in numerous hospitals in Britain, this Muslim doctor had this to state: “I have been asked to share my experiences of the elderly as a doctor or more importantly as a young Muslim doctor, working in today’s modern and fast paced world. When I start writing of my experiences, the first and foremost thought that jumps into my mind is the dua that we are all taught from an early age - O lord have mercy on them both as they cared for me when I was little (17:24) ”

My understanding of this very poignant yet simple dua will come to light as I continue throughout my conversation. From a young age, by the grace of Allah, it is our parents who nourish, care, nurture and help us become the young adults we are today. It is often very easy for us to forget the struggle and sacrifices our parents have been through, so that we are able to become the well rounded individuals we are today.

It is their love that guided us through the rough waters of childhood, our teenage years and then adulthood and beyond to make us the educated and privileged individuals of today. It is these thoughts that enter my mind on a daily basis when I encounter elderly patients in my day to day work.

We live amongst an ageing population, whereby almost half of the patients I encounter on a daily basis are what we would define as being elderly. The majority of these patient’s are usually admitted from nursing homes or sheltered housing or live at home with little or no support.

When I come across patient’s that are now old, I find it immensely saddening when they are then dumped at the doors of the hospitals at the mercy of the medical staff, especially those who have no relatives. These patient’s a lot of the time are demented, ie have little or no reasoning, intellect or personality. They are immobile, have no control over their bowels or bladder and they cannot feed or care for themselves. They have no social stimulation in hospital and as a result can become very depressed and hence generally have a very poor quality of life which may ultimately, in conjunction with their medical problems, lead to their demise.

However what I find deeply disturbing is those of the elderly are admitted to hospital not as a result of any medical problem but because they live alone and are no longer able to care for themselves. Individuals who may have had otherwise thrived at home if they were looked after appropriately, are admitted to hospital because they are not coping at home and hence become unwell.

These patient’s are extremely dependent on the staff around them for support, ie to help them eat, to take them to the toilet or mobile toilets are brought to their bedside and because a lot of the patient’s are demented, they are catheterized so that they can empty their bladder straight into a bag. These patients are also fitted with a pad, in much the same way a baby is, so that they do not soil themselves when passing bowel motions. As they are unfamiliar with their surroundings, they become confused and agitated especially at night when they are unable to sleep and hence require medication to settle or sedate them.

Medically these patients have a wide and varied set of problems from chest infections to heart attacks, strokes to cancers, illnesses that sometimes require prolonged treatment but due to their fragility, many are not suitable for intensive care treatment and hence treatment that would be offered to an otherwise younger patient, is not an option for them.

The ceiling of treatment for such elderly patient’s is much lower and in many circumstances patients are seen to be in a vegetative state whereby they are being kept alive by medical treatment and if this support was withdrawn, they would die. In such cases medical treatment is stopped and no further attempts are made to resuscitate a patient should their heart stop beating or should they stop breathing. At the end of this journey, the soul leaves the body and the doctor along with other members of the medical team are left to certify the death.

As a Muslim, from the moment such a patient comes under my care, I always ponder on what kind of life the patient had lived previously. Obviously this fragile, dependant, confused person in front of me at some point was a child, a sibling, a spouse, a parent or a grandparent. They were young once and had the same aspirations or dreams as me. They lived life and probably spent a lot of their energy for this world, dunya, and now those that they spent their wealth, energy and time on, those that they nurtured and cared have abandoned them in their time of need and left them alone and helpless.

The heedlessness and vigour of youth makes us forget that one day Insha’allah we are all going to reach that stage. My fear is that as time progresses and the world moves on, we as Muslims may adopt the ways of the non Muslims, whereby our elders especially our mums and dads end up in a similar fate as to mentioned above. As Muslims, we believe that reckoning regarding your youth will begin in your grave whereby you will be asked by Allah (swt) how you spent your youth and how we prepared for the hereafter. Islamic obligations such as Hajj are advised when we have energy and vigour, ie when we are young but part of our obligation is also to bring up our children with the best possible Islamic teachings and moral. Giving them the best of religion and world, so that tomorrow when it is our time of need and when we revert back to that stage of helplessness, our children are not only there for us as we were for them but they become a source of sadaqah jariah for us, so that we are able to reap the rewards of their upbringing after our death.

I have to admit that had if it hadn’t been for the profession I am in today, I probably would not have the insight nor understanding as to exactly what state a human being is reduced in old age and how dependant we will all become.

My message to the Muslim youth of today would be to treat your elders with respect and dignity because by the will of Allah (swt), they have naturally progressed to a state of fragility and sensitivity and they have a wealth of knowledge and experience that you will only come to know with time and yes go and make the most of your life.

Within the boundaries of Islam always remember your youth will never last forever, learn from you elders around you and harness your energy, resources and time for the good of mankind, while you still have your faculties intact. Keep your mind active with the remembrance and zikr of Allah and ultimately pray to Allah (swt) that He has mercy on all of us when we reach old age so that we can pass through this stage in a dignified manner.

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Wives and husbands

What does Islam say? :

And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may live in tranquility with them, and He has brought between you love and mercy. Truly, in this are signs for those who reflect. (Qur’an 30:21)

Marriage is based on mutual love and respect. The Islamic marriage is a sacred contract between a willing woman and willing man. There can be no coercion, and each party is free to include its own terms. The bride keeps her family name and her marriage gift from the groom. A Muslim marriage is completed with public festivities reflecting culture and customs.

Husbands and wives are protectors of each other. They are equal partners and best friends, remaining faithful to one another.

The husband provides, maintains, protects and is responsible for the family. He fulfills his duties with consultation and kindness. While the wife is not required to share her wealth and earnings, she may help her husband. Both spouses work together in the home - cooking and cleaning - and in raising good children.

If couples are unable to live with one another peacefully, amicable divorce is permitted as a last resort. Mothers are given priority in the custody of children.

Prophet Muhammad (may peace and blessings of God be upon him) said: “Treat women well and be kind to them, they are your partners and committed helpers.”

Views of Muslims:

Elders, death and the afterlife

Muslims by faith, are expected to respect and care of the elderly. It is quite common to find children, parents, grandparents and sometimes great grandparents all

living together in one home.

In Islam, serving one’s parents is a duty second only to worshipping God. It is considered despicable to express any irritation when, through no fault of their own, the old become difficult to handle.

God says in the Qur’an Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and be kind to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, do not even say ‘uff’ to them or scold them, but speak to them in terms of honour and kindness. Lower to them the wing of humility, and say, ‘My Lord! Have mercy on them, for they did care for me when I was young.’ (Qur’an 17:23-4)

When a Muslim dies, he or she is washed, usually be a family member, wrapped in a clean white cloth, and buried with a prayer, preferably the same day.

Muslims believe that the present life is only a trial for the hereafter. God says in the Qur’an, Every soul shall taste death. And you will be given your dues on the Day of Judgment. Only the one who is removed from the brink of Hellfire and admitted into Paradise has ultimately won; and life of this world is nothing but a material illusion. (Qur’an 3:185)

How does Islam guarantee human rights?

According to the Qur’an, God has created all humankind equal and has given each the right to pursue their own destiny. The life, honour and property of all people in a Muslim society are considered sacred, whether the person is Muslim or not. Racism, sexism and prejudice of any sort are unacceptable in Islam.

The Qur’an speaks of human equality in the following terms:

O humankind! We created you from a male and female, and made you into nations and tribes, so that you may come to know one

another. Truly, the most honoured of you in God’s sight is the greatest of you in piety. God is All-Knowing, All-Aware. (Qur’an 49:13)

The right to life is the most basic of human rights - the Qur’an equates the unjust killing of a single person to killing all of humankind – And whoever kills a soul, should be as though he has killed all of humankind. (Qur’an 5:32)

Dealing equitably and protecting the rights of every individual is the cornerstone of a Muslim society. God further states in the Qur’an, O you who believe! Stand up firmly for God, as witnesses to fair dealing, and let not hatred of a people invite you to act inequitably, act justly, that is nearer to piety, and be conscious of (your duty to) God, surely God is aware of all that you do. (Qur’an 5:8).

Answers of the Holy Prophet (PBUH )

A traveller once came to the masjid to see Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and after greeting the Prophet, he was asked where he was from. The traveller replied that he came from very far just to get a few questions answered.

Traveller: I do not want adha’b (punishments) to be written in my account.

Prophet: Behave well with your parents

Traveller: I want to be known amongst people as an intelligent person.

Prophet: Fear Allah (Jalla Jala’l), always.

Traveller: I want to be counted amongst Allah’s favourites.

Prophet: Recite the Quran every morning and evening.

Traveller: I want my heart to always be enlightened. ( Munawer )

Prophet: Never forget death.

Traveller: I never want to be away from Allah’s blessing.

Prophet: Always treat fellow creatures well.

Traveller: I never want to be harmed by my enemies.

Prophet: Always have faith in only Allah.

Traveller: I never want to be humiliated.

Prophet: Be careful of your actions.

Traveller: wish to live long.

Prophet: Always do goodness towards blood telations

Traveller: I want my sustenance to increase.

Prophet: Always be in ablution

Traveller: I wish to stay free of adha’b in the grave.

Prophet: Always wear pure clothes.

Traveller: I never want to be burned in hell.

Prophet: Control your eyes and tongue.

Traveller: How do I get my sins forgiven?

Prophet: Always ask forgiveness from Allah with a lot of humility.

Traveller: I want people to respect me always.

Prophet: Never extend your hands of need at people.

Traveller: I want to always be honoured.

Prophet: Never humiliate or put down anyone.

Traveller: I don’t want to be squeezed in the grave

Prophet: Recite Surat Al Mulk (The Dominion) often.

Traveller: I want my wealth to increase.

Prophet: Recite surat el Waqiah (The Inevitable) every night.

Traveller: I want to be safe and at peace on Day of Judgment.

Prophet: Praises of Allah,dikr, from dusk to night.

Traveller: I want to be in full attention and concentration during prayers.

Prophet: Always do ablution with concentration and attention.