Time to stop emotional and verbal abuse of children in preschools

Shanthi Wijesinghe

ABUSE: A family of six walked into our Research College one late January day. Of the three children the youngest was the one with "a problem".

It turned out that he was terrified of teachers. The child's preschool teachers seemed kind but they had heard from other parents that they were not so sweet after the gates were closed.

The child who had begun speaking at the age of 1 1/2 had been reduced to a "mumbler" in a matter of months. At the top of the branch sat a Directress bold of voice and dress. Along with her sat half-baked 'teachers' who ruled right royally over the little ones attending the nursery.

A child's first teacher undeniably should be his parents and elders. This fact has slowly given way to those of us who are collectively called - preschool teachers. Where we have gained our qualifications and experiences are only considered in the midst of a crisis.

In some families parents rely solely on the information of the preschool teacher. If the teacher is averse to the child or his parents or family member the child has hell to pay.

Unknown to his parents the child is bullied mentally and physically. The teacher will ask him to scale heights in academic development that he must try only at the age of 5 ! He will be labelled and made fun of by the teacher's colleagues. He faces challenges each day and getting him to school is a nightmare for his parents.

In Grade 1 he may not face the same challenges but the damage to his social development has been done. He will seek attention, be abusive and aggressive and very often disrupt an entire classroom.

On the other extreme he may show absolute disinterest in his studies which will alarm his parents who will rush him from one psychologist to the next, one counsellor to the next and later, one psychiatrist to the next.

What of those parents who cannot afford any of the services or are too embarrassed to talk about their child's behaviour for lack of knowledge ? Where can they go to ?

What is preschool abuse?

Senior counterparts recount their preschool days with nostalgia. The teachers of the time were better behaved and better disciplined. Their family backgrounds had a lot to do with their vocation. Also it was chosen by them for the love of children - not simply for want of something to do.

I have known of a few teachers, in my childhood who yelled at us while we tried our best to leapfrog, stand on tip-toe or even twist the hoop - all in vain. In the present day I have seen teachers trying to drill into young children the art of colouring, painting or pasting. "You can do better than that ! Look at Dinu's book.

He's done so much better!" What's there to do better in an activity based learning at the tender age of 3?

Teachers must also avoid engaging in labelling and name-calling. The child psychology which is devoured word for word for the examinations at the start of their career are mere words on a page gathering dust under their beds! Not all children are physically or emotionally capable of doing every single requirement.

The children who need extra attention, and increased one-to-one methods of teaching, are the very ones that get verbally abused by their teachers. Names such as 'stupid' 'silly' or 'slow' are common when teachers exchange notes.

When a teacher takes part in verbal or emotional abuse it is time for them to review their career. Teachers have a huge responsibility towards their students. First of all, there are major trust issues. Hoardings calling to stop abuse of children have been springing up in the city and outskirts.

We know that verbal, emotional and physical abuse is part of some children's lives. However, what need not happen is abuse that is perpetrated against the child, by their teacher. A nursery is supposed to be a safe place for any child.

Research in recent years has shown that children's first years of life, especially up to age three, are a time of tremendous brain development and learning. From infancy to the age of 3 a child's development proceeds at a pace exceeding that of any subsequent stage of life. It is during this time that the brain undergoes its most dramatic growth, and children acquire the ability to think, speak, learn and reason.

High-quality early childhood education, including daycare and preschool, is crucial to setting young children on the right path in these early learning years. Sadly, high-quality early education led by well-educated teachers is not available to all children in Sri Lanka.

Do not flaunt authority over a helpless child!

* Always be aware of your height against theirs.

* Have your temper under control

* A child can be harmed by demeaning or humiliating him verbally.

* Children aren't aware that they are being abused.

A word to Parents:

A family counsellor or psychologist can assess your child for signs of verbal abuse. If you think the abuse is occurring at school, be sure to take your child to be evaluated by someone independent of the school. Emotional abuse can hurt as much as physical abuse.

It can be harder to identify because the marks are left on the inside instead of the outside. Children suffering from emotional abuse are often extremely loyal to the abuser, afraid of being punished if they report abuse, or think that this type of abuse is a normal way of life.

Behavioural indicators of an emotionally abused child include:

* Dramatic behavioural changes (disruption of activities, clinging or compulsively seeking affection and attention)

* Aggressiveness

* Unco-operativeness

* Bedwetting or loss of bowel control (after a child has been trained)

* Destructive or antisocial behaviour (being constantly withdrawn and sad)

* Poor relationships with peers

* Lack of self confidence

* Unusual fears for the child's age (fear of being left alone, specific objects)

* Inability to react with emotion or develop an emotional bond with others

Realistically, any of the above behaviours may also be seen in other children, but a change in pattern of these behaviours is a strong indicator of emotional abuse.

Covert abuse

Abuse is almost entirely about control. It is often a primitive and immature reaction to life circumstances in which the abuser (usually in her childhood) was rendered helpless.

It is about re-exerting one's identity, re-establishing predictability, mastering the environment - human and physical.

Independent or disobedient children can evoke in the abusive teacher the realisation that something is amiss in her world, that she is not the centre of the world or its cause and that she cannot control a child that is often demanding and fussy.

She turns covertly abusive. This is the terrifying thought.