HOW not to be an ill-mannered LOUT ?

Lal FONSEKA

1. Keep it always in your mind that your parents are adults and you are a child. From the day one of your birth, your parent will teach you how to respect the elders. One thing is sure that you can never be a loyal citizen of the country, unless you start respecting your elders.

2. You need to obey your parents and teachers without any arguments. It should happen spontaneously. Some children obey them for the second time. Even if you don't feel like obeying an order of your parents or teachers, do it at once with happy mind.

3. You need to accept the fact that that you are a child. Some teenagers do not like to accept it, but it is true. Even if you are intelligent, the adults know more than you. It's just because they have been around longer than you. Then, respect your elders; words cannot describe how important this is.

4. Do chores without being asked to do. If you feel that something needs doing, do it. If you overhear your mother complaining about having to do the dishes, give her a surprise and do them for her. This will apply to both genders.

5. Do not confront with your elders. Don't answer back and use bad language, talk about adults behind their back or show your unpleasant face when they are talking to you.

6. Try to be forgiving. Humans will make mistake and forgiving such mistakes is an act of god when they admit the mistakes. Parents are humans too and can make mistakes. Instead of patronizing them, be mature and try to understand their situation. Ignore the aspects which you don't like. Instead focus on what you like in them.

7. Attitude of Gratitude. Now a day our children have forgotten this important fact. One thing you must remember that It is not easy to be parent. As a child we are not bothered to know the hard times they may have gone through while raising us when we were infants and toddlers. Recognize their good qualities and appreciate them for all the good they have done for you. For any matter, do not stare at them.

8. If you have siblings, treat them with love and respect. Treat them as you want them to treat you, do this with everybody. If your siblings are younger, help them. When they want to play with you, play with them (unless you are doing chores or homework; then tell them "no" politely). They look up to you and admire you so set a good example. If your sibling(s) are older, then respect them and look up to them, they are not your parents, they may not even be adults, but they are your elders.

9. Do something nice for your parents. They've been doing so much for you!

10. Find out what the house rules are and obey them. Go to bed on time and wake up at a good time on the weekends, 7 am. Eight at the latest, five at the latest on a school day.

11. Get good marks and school reports. Your parents won't be very proud of you if you get bad marks, a B is the lowest grade allowed if you want to be impressive. However, the most impressive grades are A, A* or A+

You as a student, if you are prepared to follow the above guidelines, no doubt you will convert yourself to a well-mannered citizen.

It is a known fact that most children are different today from what they were one or two decades ago and it appears to me that the behaviour of children today is primarily influenced by the interaction with their peers. Much of children's behaviour today appears to be motivated solely by their desire to gain recognition or simple attention from their peers.

The clothes that they wear, the sayings or pictures on their T-shirts, the prestigious brands of their shoes, the different words (Vocabulary) that they use, their manner of walking as per their mentors like popular western singers or famous football players, and, above all, the way they act -- all are dictated by their classmates. With all these happening, in today's world, behaviour of our children has deteriorated adversely.

It is reported that children's behaviour has worsened over the past five years. According to a survey done by certain teachers, they have found that girls were more likely to cause trouble than boys. However, this behaviuor of girls are invisible. As a result, whatever boys do is noticed by the public and they conclude that boys are worse than the girls. This is of course another good topic for yet another research.

Bad behaviour

Among male pupils the most challenging behaviour for teachers was physical aggression, such as pushing, spitting, kicking and hitting. A secondary teacher quoted in the survey said boys were usually aggressive with other pupils, while girls tended to call one another names.

In my view, the biggest root cause for this bad behaviour is the lack of role models at home. A primary teacher told me during one of my visits "The boys are far more willing to be aggressive to adults, verbally and even physically. There do not seem to be any parental boundaries set of what is an appropriate way to speak and deal with another adult."

One thing I need to emphasis is that this bad behaviour is not restricted only to Sri Lanka. It was reported that in a certain school in Lancashire, teachers walked out over unruly pupil behaviour recently. They said that children challenged them to fight.

Another teacher told me that "classes with a majority of boys tend to be louder, less co-operative and harder to teach".

A primary school teacher of a Colombo school said: "Boys are generally more physical and their behaviour is more noticeable. Girls ... often say nasty things, which end up disrupting the lesson just as much as the boys, as other children get upset and cannot focus on their work. They are usually the ones who refuse to comply with instructions."

Physical aggression

Some staff had noticed that girls' behaviour getting worse. A teacher in a foreign school has said: "Girls are definitely getting more violent, with gangs of girls in school who are getting worse than the gangs of boys."

"Even more worrying is the physical aggression, most often among boys but also among some girls, which puts other pupils and staff at risk. Schools need to have firm and consistent discipline policies and work with parents to keep schools and colleges safe places for pupils and staff alike."

Whatever said and done in the foregoing paragraphs, every parent when hearing of their child's behaviour at school is bad, his obvious reaction will often be, "Why, he never behaves like that. I cannot understand it." This is quite natural. No parent would like to hear any bad behaviour of their children; they will not accept it even though the news is appeared to be correct. There is a child whom I know well.

His behaviour at home is very disciplined and even when he accompanies any journey with their parents, he behaves nicely to the maximum satisfaction of the parents. When the situation is as such, how could they believe when they hear news to say that son's behaviour at school is bad. In this event, it is hard for parents to realise that their child's behaviour at school is likely to be far different from his behaviour at home. However, behaviour at school is so heavily influenced by his peers. Both parents and teachers should be aware of this when they are discussing the child's behaviour.

Correct an undisciplined student

As most of child psychologists have revealed, so much of the child's activity is related to his relation to his peers, it is important that this fact be considered when a teacher attempts to correct an undisciplined student. Any treatment that will cause the child to "loose faith" before his fellows must be used with extreme caution. The teacher often has to make a judgment about the potential response of this particular child. Teacher has to take in to account one important principle before deciding on a student who had a bad behaviour. That is "PRAISE IN PUBLIC, DISCIPLINE IN PRIVATE."

This does not mean that a teacher should never correct a child before his classmates. A courteous request to cease and desist is appropriate at almost any time. Most often if you have not had an occasion to correct the child before, you are better off speaking to him about his behaviour in private. Even on other occasions you can usually deal with a child more effectively in private because then he is playing to an audience of only one and that one not his peer. By dealing with him privately you can also judge better his response to your admonition and adjust your treatment of him accordingly.

In the event that the misbehaviour is deliberate in public and serious, the teacher should make sure that the class recognizes that the teacher feels that this is a serious misconduct and that it requires special treatment. Isolating the student from others by putting him in a special place or sending him out of the room takes away his opportunity to continue the misconduct and symbolically demonstrate that sin must be isolated from the community of believers. In a recent visit to a school, I noticed one particular primary teacher had given a punishment to a student who had misbehaved in the class room by ordering him to kneel down on the sand which act to me is really an act of inhuman.

On occasions when a student has sinned against another by deliberately causing physical injury or has seriously hurt another's feeling by insult or humiliation, I think a public correction and a public apology by the offender may be a valuable lesson to both the student and the class. Beware, though: students are expert at speaking words with an expression that belies their meaning.

Do you hate that look of disappointment in your parent's eyes? Or, do your parents favour a more obedient, mature sibling and you want to be like him or her? Time to drop the rebellious attitude and respect your elders! As the country needs a loyal, humble, energetic and empathetically grown up adult on a future date, students should always try to learn about respecting others. Hence, this is an open request from every student or a child in our country to read through the following tips and try to practice them to your maximum ability.

Picture by Lalith C Gamage