Bullying: Is there a way of ESCAPE ?

Nipuni WIMALAPALA

* Making them feel uncomfortable
* Hurting them by kicking, hitting, pushing, tripping, punching
* Name-calling.
* Spreading nasty rumors
* Taking toys or money by force

If your kid is reluctant to go to school without giving a proper reason, you should be vigilant over his or her behaviour. Most probably the common reason for child’s unwillingness to go to school could be due to an unpleasant experience they had to face at school.

Students being bullied by both peers and teachers is not an uncommon incident and it could affect child’s mentality, education and personality development on long term basis. Bullying definitely hurts the victim and he or she feels that there is no way to escape from it. To be away from bullying, what the victim usually does is avoid the bully and the place where he hangs out.

After talking to a few kids, it was revealed that most of the kids have been bullied at school at least once by peers or by teachers.

Students’ views

Janith Madushan, a 14 year old school boy speaking to the Daily News said that, he has been bullied and had to face embarrassment at school. Some of his classmates who are well built and stronger make a separate gang and they bully others by calling them by nick names which they do not like and ‘physically’ dominate the ‘scene.’ He further said that when he made a complaint to teachers about the incident they too did not pay much attention. “As a result the victims become helpless” he added.

Another 12 year old girl, Rashmi Liyanagama specifically said that there are instances when teachers bully students without having a proper reason. She said that some teachers just scold students and embarrass them in front of the whole class room. “Sometimes we are quite disappointed and do not feel like going to school.

There are certain incidents where I have been bullied by teachers. Once I was enthusiastically practising a song to be performed at a school function. But while the practicing sessions were going on one teacher scolded me rudely and I lost my courage and enthusiasm to do it. It is a bitter experience for me,” Liyanagama said.

Hansi Karunaratne, a 18 year old school girl said that she has been a victim of bullying when she entered her new school four years back. “I was first studying at a small school and later my parents admitted me to a ‘so called’ big school and I was supposed to study in the English medium. It was quite difficult for me to adjust to the new environment and because of lack of English knowledge and my behaviour other students started laughing at me calling different names. I almost gave up my education and I strictly said to my parents that I cannot go to school.

I gave up my usual hobbies and tried to avoid society and then what I loved most was sleeping. Finally my parents found the reason and they consoled me and found a good teacher for me. Finally I was recovered. But still I cannot forget those unpleasant past incidents,” she groaned.

The story of Hashan Mayadunne, a grade 11 student, is totally different. “I have never faced it. From my childhood I was well built and bigger in size compared to others. I had a very good personality and I was named one of the bravest guys among my friends. Nobody called me by nicknames and I have felt that others had a special interest and fear towards me. But I did not bully or influence others,” he said.

Teachers’ experience

Now let us listen to the teachers’ experience on this issue.

Ranjani De Mel, a retired Science teacher, having served in different schools for several years, has a lot to share with us.

“Different types of bullying take place at schools which occur due to many reasons. I believe that if teachers are keen on students’ behaviour and their backgrounds, bullying could be easily minimized. Teen students are in their adolescent age where a lot of mental and physical changes take place. Obviously they are impulsive and bit difficult to control.

They make fun of others by calling names, laughing at one’s physical or natural disability or by dominating others. To stop this, teachers should explain the students that what they do could hurt others and it is not nice to embarrass those who are feeble. Advising is always better than imposing hard punishment on them” she stressed.

According to her, basically these things happen when students are set free and when there is no proper work for them to do. The best thing to stop this is, teachers should go to the class rooms on time and do not let students do whatever they want. And it is effective if teachers can guide students to involve in extra work such as reading books, forming class room library, painting, decorating classroom and encourage them to involve in sports to increase friendship and team spirit among students.

“Teachers have a huge responsibility to put an end to students getting bullied in school though it is quite difficult to control 30-35 students at once. The most important thing is the teacher should have a better understanding of every student and his or her family background. And also when a child makes a mistake, the teacher should punish him or her in a better way without embarrassing him or her before others. Teachers should never promote political views among students and make them involve in protests or pickets which will drag them into violence. Always students should be directed to involve in group games or sports via which they will form solid friendships and will learn to bear both victory and defeat.

All these things would help to develop a balanced personality,” the teacher noted. Another teacher, Nimal Herath who teaches Mathematics noted that punishing a child could not be called bullying and it is difficult to control a classroom without imposing a small punishment. But anyway embarrassing students by rude punishments is not at all acceptable. And students should be directed to involve in interesting activities whenever they are free in order to avoid them getting involved in bullying.

Illustrating the forms of bullying and its impact on children’s education and personality development Director of National Institute of Mental Health ((NIMH), Dr. Jayan Mendis emphasized that bullying could be in many forms such as verbal, physical, social, extortion etc. A bully usually tries to hurt others by, According to Dr. Mendis anyone could be subjected to bullying despite their gender, education level, age, social status or the religion. It is a social issue and it can be taken place at school, working place or anywhere.

The victim of the bully always feels that there is no way of escaping and he or she becomes rather weak and disappointed. He or she might feel smaller or weaker than the bully, might feel outnumbered by the bully and the bully’s friends, he or she might feel there is no help, No one to talk to, No one is standing up for him or her, he or she often feels very sad, but does not know how to change the situation. Often, bullies are bigger kids, so they pick on smaller kids, who do not have strength and confidence to stand against the bully and who have a few friends to get help.

“Usually bullies are recognized as those who have low self esteem and have not been valued by the society. Their personal life, family background could be a bitter one and they might have faced the same situation somewhere by someone. So they try to put it on others to take revenge.

They normally choose someone physically or mentally weak who has no strength to fight back as their victim. And also some have genetic component whose parents or family have been exposed to excessive violence,” Dr. Mendis said. Explaining the impacts of bullying on children, he said that those who are exposed to bullying could become lifelong victims and its effects would decrease their personality development.

They could be subjected to depression, panic attacks, psychological issues and different mental downs. Children suffer academically and they lose presentation skills, avoid going to school and some even stop education entirely. They will have various devastating results which will definitely cause losing self confidence and personality.

Dr. Mendis suggests that the best thing is, encouraging kids to love each other and help out the weak students and discuss others problems to find a friendly solution. Kids should be convinced that they can help others and strengthen weak students’ personalities by being close to them and helping them becoming a supporter other than a bully.

Therefore being students, teachers or parents you should determine not to promote bullying but to help others and become a supporter, good friend and a good team worker who would contribute something worth to the society.