Yesterday was World Suicide Prevention Day :

Senali S.Perera

“This is enough. Just do it. I mean, how much more of this can you take? No, this is it. Time to say good-bye. Do not be a coward. Do it.” No one can imagine how much pain, misery, frustration and pressure it takes for a teen’s mind to come up with these thoughts and force him or her to turn the thoughts into action. To say good-bye, is the extreme. The limit crossed without you realizing it.

* A previous suicide attempt

* Current talk of suicide or making a plan

* Strong wish to die or a preoccupation with death

* Giving away prized possessions

* Signs of depression, such as moodiness, hopelessness, withdrawal

* Increased alcohol and/or other drug use

* Hinting at not being around in the future or saying good-bye

* Writing about death, suicide. (Poems, stories etc.)

A previous suicide attempt Current talk of suicide or making a plan Strong wish to die or a preoccupation with death Giving away prized possessions Signs of depression, such as moodiness, hopelessness, withdrawal Increased alcohol and/or other drug use Hinting at not being around in the future or saying good-bye Writing about death, suicide. (Poems, stories etc.)

It is easy to judge, to sympathize, to justify and to state your opinion, after the damage is done. After a life has been lost. But once gone, it can never be brought back. The soul, the breath. The value of it cannot be measured or expressed in words. So don’t you think it is savvy to learn to save a life rather than getting prepared for the ‘aftermath’?

Saving a life cannot be done just by one party. It requires the support of everyone, including the teen deciding to take his or her own life. However it goes, saving a life is by all means possible and has to be done by everyone involved.

Everyone is touched by a youth’s suicide. And everyone wants to know why?

There is no easy answer. But we should know that it takes more than just one thing to cause a teen to feel suicidal. What can they be? There are some possible risk factors in four areas of a person’s life as biological, sociological, psychological and existential. Under biological factors are family history of mental illness, family history of alcohol or drug abuse, depression, learning disorders, physical appearance, disability either illness or anxiety. We have already discussed the matter of teens and depression broadly in a previous article (“Depression: It can be cured!”). The other factors might cause constant stress in a teen and at some point they might reach the top when they feel like they “cannot take it, anymore!” Sociologically, drug and alcohol abuse, having no one to talk with (solitude), relationship problems, academic stress, expectations of others, divorce of parents, death of a loved person, abuse, bullying and peer pressure can lead a teen to extreme pressure and frustration and cause them to put an end to it all.

Teens always need someone to share their feelings, thoughts, emotions and opinions with. Their excitements, their failures, their complaints, their sorrow; they have a lot to share if only you would bother to listen to them. When they are left with no one to talk with they try to find ways to express themselves. For example, we see nowadays how some teens literally spill their entire life stories in social networks, trying to express themselves through the Internet. It becomes a great release, an unfailing escape. But when it gradually makes the teen feel even lonelier, like, “this is pathetic. I am talking to the Internet,” they might want to say good-bye, thinking the world will not miss them once they are gone. And again, there will not be anyone around to say good-bye to. A silent exit? That should not happen.

Academic stress and expectations of others can also lead a child to get tired of his or her life. “But how can expectations make them want to kill themselves? Their parents, their elders, teachers; they raise the child and now they have been asked not to have expectations? What nonsense is this?!” But dear mom, dear dad, you have all the rights in the world to have expectations on your child, but please do not make it become a pressure on them. Because your child loves you and once he or she realizes that you have huge expectations on him or her, they might become terrified of disappointing you.

“My son is going to become a lawyer. You might as well start calling him that,” “My daughter is going to save the whole family,” “You failed? My, I thought you were walking google! I did not dream you would fail. What happened?” and so on. The pressure is too much. Winning, achieving, getting better is a must. “Cannot face my parents with this result. I will not go home, today. At what time is the next train?” Let us face it. This happens in our country. This is sad. This should not happen. Expectations can build a person, yes. But when it changes directions, expectations can not only ruin lives, they can end them.

We talked about bullying in our previous article. And about peer pressure; this matter is not discussed often enough. For a simple typical example, a teenage girl being persuaded by her friends to start a relationship with a boy just to look “cool.” Peer pressure, it can drive a person nuts. Having to ‘go with the flow’ to try to fit in to the coolest gang in class, children nowadays might be forced to do things they had rather would not. But to look and feel ‘grown-up’ they do that very thing with a smiling face, a careless laugh. When this continues, it will be too much for the teen to take. Who can continue to be someone they are not for years and years just to impress others? Good-bye friends, good-bye world, I am out.

No you are not. We are going to do everything we can to keep you here because you are beautiful just the way you are.

Psychological thoughts and feelings like “I am too stupid,” “I am not worthy,” “Things would be better if I am not around,” “I am a burden to everyone,” and “I hate myself” can lead a teen into depression or suicide. And existential factors like “Life is useless,” “The whole world is empty,” can be a huge pressure. These thoughts and feelings do not just appear out of the blue. There could be a certain background, a psychological illness or a certain effective event or incident for these thoughts to occur.

It is important to learn the way to save a life, and try to turn it into action before a precious life is lost.

Look for ‘warning signs.’ Watch for these signs. They may indicate someone is thinking about suicide. The more signs you see, the greater the risk.

What to do if you see these warning signs? If a friend mentions suicide, take it seriously. If he or she has expressed an immediate plan, or has access to potentially deadly means (a knife, pills etc.), do not leave him or her alone. Get help immediately.

Effective steps:

Show you care

Often, suicidal thinking comes from a wish to end deep psychological pain. Death seems like the only way out. But it is not. Let the person know you really care. Talk about your feelings and ask about his or hers. Listen carefully to what he or she has to say.

“I am worried about you, about how you feel,” “You mean a lot to me. I want to help.” “I am here, if you need someone to talk to,” etc.

Ask the question

Do not hesitate to raise the subject. Talking with young people about suicide will not put the idea in their heads. Chances are, if you have observed any of the warning signs, they are already thinking about it. Be direct in a caring, non-confrontational way. Get the conversation started. “Are you thinking about suicide,” “Do you really want to die?” “Do you want your problems to go away?” etc.

Get help

Never keep talk of suicide a secret, even if they ask you to. It is better to risk a friendship than a life.

Do not try to handle the situation on your own. You can be the most help by referring your friend to someone with professional skills to provide the help that he or she needs, while you continue to offer support. “I know where we can get some help,” “I can go with you to get some help,” etc.

Listen to what he or she has to say. Do not pass judgment, do not try to prove them wrong and do NOT compare their problems, their pain with others’. “Just see those poor, homeless children; do you think they are trying to kill themselves? They are trying to survive!” “Do not be a cry baby, now. The world has got worse problems. You are in heaven by comparison.” No, you are not helping. Listen to them. Make them feel you really care, that you are concerned. Try to get them out of that situation instead of pushing them in deeper. No matter what problems other people have, only you know the size of your problems, right?

If you are feeling suicidal

Remember, “Some hit the wall. Some crush it.” And what you have got to do is to crush the wall and get through it. Always remember you are stronger than you know and YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS WORLD. Talk to someone immediately.

Two words: Get help.

It might seem the only solution sometimes but that does not mean there are no other options. You just do not see the other solutions at the moment, you are feeling suicidal. Hang in there, and do not give in to your negative thoughts, hold on for 24 hours at least. You will get through it. And most importantly, TALK TO SOMEONE. Do not keep these thoughts to yourself. Talk to someone, family either a friend/a therapist or anyone. And avoid things that trigger you. Your life is precious and this world is a better place with you in it. You can face this. Fight back. Keep fighting. It is not the end, you got this.