Eggs-pert eggs-plodes some eggs-tremist myths

Gaston de Rosayro

The next time I see 'Doctor No' I would be tempted to beat the daylights out of him. No. I am not talking about the Dr. Julius No, the fictional antagonist in the James Bond film and novel of the same name. I am referring to a certain medical specialist who is a far more menacing threat to my lifestyle. You could call him an anti-egg eggs-tremist.

No wonder then the nickname he earned at Medical College has stuck to him like month-old dried egg bitumen. His name is Benji Bijou but they call him the Bitter Biththaraya. He is an anachronism of the 80s I believe who always puts the fear of Moses into all gullible family matrons about the dangers of eating perfectly nutritious and healthy foods. He says 'No' to eggs and all the other 'egg-citing' culinary marvels. The darn spoilsport is a rotten egg no less. He is a dinosaur, a relic of a different era who probably has not read the Lancet in 30 years.

He told me that I was no doctor. I agreed saying that he should have his head 'eggs-amined'. And that he had to 'eggs-cept' the fact that my knowledge on the subject far 'eggs-ceeded' his by an 'eggs-traordinary' measure.

I said: "Recommendations have changed, ya old quack, even for duck eggs!" I explained that for 'egg-sample' the American Heart Association allows up to seven eggs a week, one for each day. I told the old Fuddy-Daddy that there is 30 years of evidence which shows that eating eggs daily does not have a significant impact on blood cholesterol of healthy adults.

New research shows that eating foods rich in choline and betaine such as eggs may help reduce the risk of inflammation associated with chronic diseases such as cardiovascular disease, bone loss, dementia and Alzheimer's disease. I told the anti-egg lobbyist that eggs are a nutrient dense food. They are an inexpensive source of complete protein and contain a variety of nutrients including healthy doses of vitamins A, B12, D, K, and B2.

He nearly ordered me out of his clinic the other day. I told the old geezer that being an accomplished egg-beater I could bash his already scrambled brain into a solid thinking omelette, if he persisted with his anti-egg poppycock.

I am not a chef. Nor even what you would call an average cook. At best I am what you might call a competent Egg Evangelist. What I 'eggs-actly' mean is I am an 'eggs-streme' egg lover. I am so passionate about the humble egg and the 'eggs-cellent' culinary possibilities it represents that it is contagious.

An egg has to be one of the first 'eggs-traordinary' items of real natural food I was fed. I had them for breakfast four or five times a week and occasionally for supper. Many hundreds of dozen of eggs later this is a love affair that has not waned. And making an egg dish is as easy as breaking a leg, or rather an egg. The leg part I was reminded of is because my good friend Patrick who shares the same 'egg-static' notion about eggs.

Suffering a monumental hangover one morning Patrick cracked two eggs and missed the frying pan by a mile. He cursed under his breath and slipped on the gelatinous mess on the floor. He finally ended up in hospital with a broken leg. That is why he says that eggs are not all cracked up as they should be. And that you cannot make an omelette without breaking an egg. Patrick's mother agrees but adds that her son cannot make one without breaking a leg as well.

Eggs burst with the essentials of goodness and protein and are so very handily available. Not only can you eat one on its own in so many wonderful ways, an egg is remarkably versatile. An egg can do virtually anything or go 'into-virtually' anything. Feel free to suggest a food in which you can't use an egg but I am hard pressed to think of what.

If a dish is savoury, at the very least you can top it with a fried egg, a trend that has 'eggs-ploded' in upmarket restaurants lately. If on the other hand a dish is sweet, chances are you can still beautifully incorporate an egg, for taste, for texture, for plain old wonderful goodness. The Egg is definitely a deserted island food for me.

You know the game: If you could only have five foods for the rest of your life to eat on a deserted island, what would you choose? The egg is at the top of my list. I still eat them most mornings. sunny-side up with that gorgeous golden yolk bursting out all over everything on the plate and including the plate. While I could continue to wax rhapsodically about the egg, let me instead give you two killer recipe.

As my former colleague Errol used to order at the Press Club bar: "Gimme me a double peg and a hard-boiled egg." Legend has it that in a lone bout of over-indulgence he settled a bar bill one night for 13 double pegs and the same number of hard-boiled eggs. Once when the scribblers were discussing his legendary benders a colleague was heard to quip: "Render to the bender the bar-tender's bill."

No I am not 'eggs-agerrating' when I say that I can make an 'eggs-otic' omelette that will really tickle your palate. Yes certainly I am a hard-boiled egg-eating enthusiast and not ashamed to admit it. Don't ask me how many eggs you need, for say an omlette. That is up to you. Use as many as you can afford to if you feel 'eggs-travagant'. And it would not be wise to put them all in one basket.

Don't ask me how many eggs you need, for say an omelette. That is up to you. Use as many as you can afford if you feel 'eggs-travagant'. And it wouldn't be wise to put them all in one basket. That's one way of not getting all your eggs scrambled in one go.

You know what happens to nest-egg deposits when they are all placed in one basket. Surely you must have read Aesop's Fables, and closer home the Golden Key Foibles, so you know what happens to any type of eggs when they are placed in one basket.

And then do not come snivelling to me saying that you have you been suckered into some 'eggs-tortionate' Suck-vithi scam. It's all your fault for shelling out in the first place. You egged yourself on to do it. Then finally when everything is 'eggs-hausted' you tend to say: "And that is no yolk!"

By the way you can also tell Doctor No, That darned Benji Bijou, that 'Omletting' him know that I am waiting to crack his noggin open with the ease of cracking an egg. It will serve him right for messing around with a real 'Eggs-pert.'

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