Can we be – and stay friends?

A friend sticks by you through thick and thin. A friend stays when others leave. A friend comforts when you are down. When the world turns against you, you can count on a friend to be there for you. A friend does not judge, does not keep a record of wrongs done but will be there when you need him most. Sometimes all a friend needs to do is just to be there.

Friends stay as friends throughout a lifetime and does not give up even when there are challenging moments when it all seems about to tumble. Friends pick up the threads where left off and come back full circle to cherish what was once a thriving friendship. Friends can forgive each other and start afresh as if the mistakes never happened. We cherish friends over many things because humans need and flourish on friendships. There are friends who stick closer than a brother, who become soulmates over time.

Moments of joy or sadness

The hardest question we need to ask ourselves is - can we be friends with those closest to us? With our spouses. With our children. The best marriages are found between friends. At least if you were not friends when you got married, you could try becoming your husband’s or wife’s best friend as the years go on. And guess what friends do? Friends laugh at each other’s jokes, have things to catch up on at the end of the day. Friends cannot wait to tell each other special news, share moments of joy or sadness. Friends value one another. Friends make it a point to find the time - even when it is tough.

And what do friends not do? Friends do not have arguments all the time, usually stemming from something small and insignificant. Friends are not competing over time, money and children. Friends give way when needed - do not hold on to grudges or wait for moments when things go wrong, to pounce on.

Friendship lasts beyond the initial rush of first years, does not take leave when the novelty wears off and promises to stay true in little things. Friends are not critical when criticism is the last thing needed. Friendship keeps patience going and laughter echoing - without which, lives can lose luster and become enduring instead of enjoying.

Wrong values

We live in a world that gives too much emphasis to the wrong values. Friendships are formed on superficial aspects today. People become friends of those they admire, people they wish they were. But those are not the kind of relationships that last long and true. Real friends stay friends for life, can bounce back as if you met for the last time just yesterday, even though in reality, you may not have been in touch for a while. Once a friend, is always a friend.

In relationships, in marriages, things would work better if we chose our friends over those with whom we fall madly in love. In my own personal experience, I am thankful to God that my husband is my best friend. Nothing comes closer to being able to sit in the first morning glow, sharing a steaming cup of tea, before the children wake up, sharing mundane things as only good friends can do. Spending that kind of not very significant yet deeply meaningful time with your spouse adds the sparkle to your marriage. We may have money, positions, wealth and luxury at our fingertips but all humans yearn for soul satisfying, refreshing friendship that is given and taken without being asked. We all know of world famous people who died lonely, without anyone to spend time with.

The last Tsarina of Russia, Alexandra Feodorovna, was criticized for making a simple Russian woman, Anna Vyrubova, her friend. Empress of all the Russias virtually had noble women falling at her feet to become friends with her. But the Empress chose a simple, unsophisticated woman, who among others, was cherished by the Russian Empress for her simple, uncomplicated friendship that went beyond that of an Empress and her subject. As the palace rumour mill went into a feverish pitch over their friendship, unable to fathom the simple yet profound friendship between two women who were mere friends to one another, the Tsarina kept the friendship alive until she, along with the Tsar and their children and servants, were gunned down in July 1918.

Hidden agendas

Princess Diana stood out throughout her tragic life as someone who lived in a gilded cage and yearned for sincere friendship. Most of her so called friends either sold their stories to media or needed something from her all along. They had hidden agendas that predictably revolved around Diana’s value as a star. Yet, all the Princess yearned for was honest, true friendship. She never found it in life - not with her husband nor with those closest to her, except of course her sons who loved her deeply. There are so many other stories that tell the world how important true friends are in life. In a world where children are the target of hostile elements, the best a parent can do is to become your child’s friend. Friends hide nothing from one another and if nurtured right, your child’s best friend can be you. Children need to be handled tactfully, with respect and understanding; peer pressure, bad friends and other influencers can take over a child’s life over if you as a parent are not watchful.

Cultivate a friendship with your child and you will always not only cherish it but also will be comforted by knowing that he or she will always share things in their lives with you.

“One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.”

- Euripides, Greek playwrite