When newsroom head-masters rolled out the ....

Headlines that rocked the world :

Gaston de Rosayro

Journalism is all about headlines. Journalism is nothing without the headline. The very word ‘headline’ screams its meaning as the first and most important piece of the piece, or to be precise it is the headstone of the story providing both the icing and the cherry on top that holds it all up. All journalists know this.

In newsroom jargon headlines are referred simply as ‘Heads.’ In those early days of journalism training we came under some brilliant Head-masters who made sure you had a head for heads. They strode down the aisles of the newsroom pointing to the posters of historical headlines pasted on the wall. Many of them were simple and straightforward heads such as ‘VICTORY IN EUROPE.’

The crusty old chief sub-editor or cantankerous duty editor would sneak up on us yelling “Headlines, headlines, headlines! These are headlines that rocked the world, dammit!” Some of us among the trainee batch were willing to take the old ‘Dunderhead’ guard head-on in their own specialty. And we did, so much to the delight of a progressive editor who was determined to turn the staid and conventional journal into a more vibrant one.

Putting our heads together we came up with this head for a news story of a gruesome murder in a Hong Kong ‘girlie’ bar: ‘HEADLESS BODY IN TOPLESS BAR!’ We were rocking the boat all right and the head honcho loved every moment of it.

The old middle level head-hunters were up against a youthful headwind and knew it. The upshot was that all the old fogeys were required to register for remedial headline re-education.

We later had a remarkably skilled editor who was compound of writer, re-write man, conjurer of headlines, layout wizard, newsman and media management guru all rolled into one. He actually rewarded staff with cash incentives for creatively written stories and punchy headlines.

But we were also aware that he would not tolerate going over the top. He was the ‘Lord High Executioner’ and revelled in his role as head decapitator of frivolous and unintelligent titles. The heads rolled but there was no gainsaying the fact that he was capable of transcending them all in the intricate spectrum of journalistic endeavour. In other words he was always head of the class and head and shoulders above the rest.

I have encountered some of the best and worst headlines in my long career as a scribbler in a diversity of journals both here and abroad. Some of them were horrendous although they unwittingly smacked of double entendre. Others were simply hard-to-catch faux pas, which the creators themselves did not seem to latch on to even when they were pointed out by amused colleagues, which just goes to underline the fact that the profession has its fair share of ‘chuckleheads’ as well.

These are some of the headline examples conjured up by newshounds in a wide-range of journals I have had the privilege of working on. Some of them are mine. Many in this initial segment are laced with great word play, because at first glance you may not notice the pun, but then you see the play on words at work.

A few of them, you will observe, take words and phrases that you tend to use on a regular basis and make them contain different, stylized meanings.

For instance, this business headline of a firm going bust read:

‘Compass firm heads in wrong direction.’ In the early seventies the technocrats in the power sector here employed by the then Electricity Department decided to resort to industrial action. Our headline in the old ‘Observer’ read: ‘Sparks fly as engineers strike.’ Following the end of the strike another head that caught the eye was: ‘Candle business tapers out as power strike ends.’ When the government decided to promulgate a controversial safety law to protect gem miners a witty sub-editor threw up this one: ‘Mine safety laws riddled with pitfalls.’ Another memorable one that hit the public eye was when the big cat handlers at the Dehiwala Zoo were accused of neglecting their charges. The headline: ‘Zookeepers told to spot clean their leopards’.

When the same paper decided to carry a series on exorcisms under the logo ‘To Hell with the Devil’ the head for one such piece was spiritually uplifting:

‘Exorcists set to lift spirits.’ Here is another front page story that affected motorists that rolled off the presses: ‘Hike in tyre prices cause inflationary pressures.’ A usual rumpus on the campus story in the early seventies caused a great deal of reader amusement: ‘More beds on campus a lot of bunk, say undergrads.’

There was a controversial incident when Australia was playing New Zealand in a one day international. In order to prevent New Zealand from scoring the six they needed to tie the series, the Australian captain, Greg Chappell instructed his bowler (and his younger brother), Trevor to deliver the last ball underarm, along the ground.

This action was technically legal, but seen as being totally against the spirit of cricketing fair play. Our sports pages screeched out this headline: ‘Chappell brothers play underhand game.’

And finally for the more hilarious remarkably memorable ones from the Hong Kong newspapers: ‘Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers’, ‘Organ Festival Ends in Smashing Climax’ and Panda Mating Fails - Veterinarian akes Over.’ But for me this one about repairs to the world’s best-known luxury liner tops the list: ‘Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped.’