Absence vs. out of sight

'Absence makes the heart grow fonder.'

'Out of sight, out of mind'

Two popular terms yet each embodying opposite meanings. I have heard these expressions all my life but they have left me baffled. Which is the truth? Does it depend on the relationship or merely the individuals?

Having spent endless hours together: in college, university or the first job, couples normally feel ready to commit to each other. However in most cases the first rung in their ladder comes when they find themselves suddenly separated with several miles between them either in different cities or worse in different states or countries across the world.

At first they console themselves with the belief that a few years of distance won't hurt. After all, they are meant for each other. They are meant for their jobs and in the end they are meant to have both. But as time passes on they may find it hard to keep in step with each other. Calls bring bittersweet memories and yearnings but as time passes they fade away. The person at the end of the line might become less real to you because you have not seen him or her for a long time. Those close to you are more real and there within your reach. The relationship begins to crumple. Finally you might have a total stranger before you and often you will find your thoughts occupied with other matters rather than that of what used to be the 'object of your affection'.

Despite the distance, 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder', is a term that couples use to reassure themselves about their flagging relationship. People can get too use to routine and habit. When moving away from their significant partner they may experience new freedom or become so involved in their current situation that they forget their old life.

Let us put it down on paper. All of us like to think that once we have been away from someone for a time, they will be supremely happy to see us again. We like to feel that people miss us when we are not around. This is a fact that is not merely limited to a romance but one that also concerns friendship. If two people have a good long-term relationship before going long distance, then it is more likely a matter of 'heart going fonder'. If it is otherwise it is a matter of 'the heart will wander'. It is a true test to the relationship, after all haven't we heard about couples being faithful to each other for decades?

This is how one of my friends explained it : "This relates to moving on. Maggie goes all quiet for a while at times, I do not get in touch, I just think 'fine, speak to you whenever' because I'm totally not interested. But in reverse, when Cathy goes all quiet I try to get in touch, just to see if she still around and talking to me. So in regard to your question, I totally believe the choice is with the people involved. Maggie is 'out of sight, out of mind' for me because I'm not interested. Cathy is a case of 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' because there is still something there for her."

Shehara

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