Short man syndrome not a tall story!:

The height of cheek to cheek!

Gaston De ROSAYRO

I am neither short nor can you call me tall. I stand five feet eight and half inches in my socks. Tall, possibly by Sri Lankan standards, but average when measured by the international yardstick. Still you can’t stereotype short men, tall ones or the average heighted individuals. Personality size, however, is another matter.

In short, it is shallow to judge a man by his stature, but lots of people who are short of sensitivity simply cannot help it. But like my affectionate childhood friend Malka says: “There is a special youthfulness about short men. Most retain their boyish looks well beyond manhood. The ageing back problems that plague their taller brothers aren’t as common among short men. Gravity is kinder to them.”

Malka as I mentioned in one of my earlier columns is no ordinary person. She was always hanging around with the boys and was an outstanding marble player even when she was in her rompers. With outstanding ingenuity and faultless aim she plundered our precious collection of multi-hued glass balls. So both figuratively and literally we lost all our marbles to Malka who we aptly dubbed as the ‘Attagirl at Attabola.’

Malka even in those formative years was attracted to boys her own height or shorter. It seemed perfectly reasonable to her, because there are all kinds of equally superficial reasons to be turned on or off by someone. Measuring a man’s attractiveness in vertical inches may be superficial, but at least it is a feature that lasts a lifetime. Well, Malka was never small-minded or short-sighted in any way. She was not what you would call a long-legged filly, not by a long shot. But rather I would call her dynamically petite. Yet, she always took a giant threatening step towards anyone who attempted to shortchange short people, particularly those that did not break the five foot mark.

Bullying of short people invariably left her short-tempered. And even the most incorrigible bully boys were afraid to tangle with a wildcat. Why? Because in short, taller bullies were aware that harassment of their shorter peers would be nearly always be shorthand for a shortened life span when Malka was around. But the long and short of it, I’m afraid, is that both in the short and long term she believed that excessively tall males were rather insecure.

I have always believed that all men can be masculine. But, according to Malka, short men have their masculinity in a stronger, more concentrated form. She had no shortage of theories about it either. She reinforced her argument thus: “Yes, they (short guys) can sometimes be extra explosive - it’s a matter of compact contents under pressure. Napoleon was a classic example. Here was a short guy who had a high-testosterone, full-of-fight personality. And he had a reputation for being one very sexy dude.” She pointed out that short people ran countries (though not necessarily well) citing Caesar, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin and Franco.

Malka propounded her premise that many of her friends often had bad experiences with men who are towering infernos. She said: “I have always wondered about women who want their men to be a head taller than they are. Perhaps they are uncomfortable about looking their guy in the eye? Or do they just believe that a man doesn’t listen anyway, so why not talk to his chest?”

It came as no surprise then when Malka married our childhood playmate Sonny, to whom being short has been no impediment to financial success. It seemed a perfect match. It presented no logistical problem either because Malka herself is just about five feet tall. Malka claimed that they dovetailed perfectly as a couple. She once revealed that Sonny in his youth danced with a six foot four inch Amazonian and his head reached only up to her bosom Sonny blushed as she quipped with a teasing giggle: “Imagine! He wasn’t dancing exactly cheek to cheek!”

While she took the floor with Sonny she bantered while he spun her around: “Personally, I like to have everything within easy reach. Cheek to cheek is a lot more fun when you’re not getting a cramp in your neck. It’s a total erotic experience. There’s a special intimacy that comes with being the same height as your partner. Visually, your perspective is the same. You truly see each other eye to eye. And with lips so close to ears, secrets are easily shared, even in public places.”

Then when it was our turn to dance she joked: “See the problem I have to stand on tip toe to look into your eyes and whisper into your ear. And for me that is a tall order indeed. So you see, it is better to have loved a shortfall man than never to have loved a tall!”

Anyway, that’s enough tall talk from me for now. I’ll be back, though. Shortly, of course!