My Dear Son,

After reading your last letter, I thought I should give you some special advice. It is time you to make your own decisions. You are old enough and intelligent enough to brave your way through life. Other people will always tell you what you should do and what you should not, but you would be advised to take that only as advice.

Listen to what they have to say, not so much as to what they think you should do, but paying careful attention to the actual reasons why they think their choice is the best. You may have to ask them, why? And they may have very good reasons for their choice, which you might be very wise to consider. But your final choice should be your own, made by you, after considering all the relevant facts. And always doing exactly the opposite of what others suggest is usually not a good idea. That way, they still control your behaviour, but in reverse.

Often, the wise choice really is to do exactly what they suggest, but if and only it makes sense to you. But your final choice after considering all such relevant advice should be such as not to keep you awake at night. Any feeling that you were coerced into making a choice against your better senses later, gives rise to a very uncomfortable situation with which you will have to live with.

Sure, you will make some bad decisions from time to time. But if they were really honest decisions, you will learn from your mistakes, and you should not feel guilty. And with each decision carried through to completion, your skill and confidence in making critical decisions will grow. And that, in my humble opinion, is the proper attitude and method by which young people can most effectively ‘grow up’. That’s the way I see it, anyway.

When making your decisions, put yourself first. It’s important that you’re better off as a result of making the decision. And not just in the result that you get, but more especially, as a person. The decision should allow you to maintain who you are, without compromise. This is the first and most important of these decision making tips if you want to be yourself and live your own life.

And, above all, take responsibility. This is a big one. Of the decision making tips, this is often the one that people are most reluctant to take on, and the one that has the most impact! When you do take responsibility a very important strategy becomes available to you. If things don’t go according to your plan, don’t worry. You’re never a victim. You can immediately consider and plan what you can do differently and you act on it. And, you are prepared for the consequences, whatever they are.

Until next week, Yours always, Thaththi