My Dear Son,

Thank you for your long letter. Going through your letter I notice that you are facing a problem at the Campus. It seems you have been unduly criticized by a section of your colleagues on your views and behaviour. You are worried, aren’t you? I understand, criticism always hurts and admittedly, few things can ease the sting.

Remember, criticism is a reminder that you are making a difference. It is a vivid reinforcement to never give up. How do you do that? Ask yourself, “But why does criticism hurt me in the first place?” Part of the reason may be fear that criticism may be warranted - that you are indeed too slow, too loud and too outright or whatever barb has been lobbed in your direction. The other factor may be low self esteem. If you don’t feel so good about yourself, you’re more inclined to take criticism to heart.

Once you identify the reason, you can proceed to deal with the issue. Again ask yourself, “What is my first reaction when confronted with criticism?” Defend myself? Or lash back? Both are common natural reactions. And yet, while criticism can be taken as hurtful and demoralizing, it should also be viewed in a positive way: it can spur us to do better.

First of all, postpone your immediate reaction. Relax. That cooling off time allows logic to step in, past the emotion. Then, thank the critic. Yes, thank him. Even if he was harsh and rude, thank him in general. And in doing so, you remain the wiser person, and you will feel great about yourself for overcoming and adapting the insult to a higher purpose.

Learn from the criticism. Actually try to improve. That’s a difficult concept for some people, because they often think that they’re always right. But no one is always right. You, in fact, may be wrong, and the critic may be right. So see if there’s something you can change to make yourself better. And then make that change. You’ll end up being glad you made the extra effort.

Too many times we take criticism as personal attack, as insult. Well, perhaps sometimes it is, but we don’t have to take it that way. Take it as criticism of your actions, not you as a person. There are two amazing benefits of taking criticism in a calm manner: Others will admire you and think better of you for rising above the attack - especially if you remain positive and actually take the criticism well. The other benefit is - you will feel better about yourself.

Take Care, Yours loving,

Thaththi