Self esteem boosts personality development
Self-esteem is a major key to success. The development of a positive
self concept or healthy self esteem is extremely important to happiness
and success of children and teenagers. This is very important even for
the adults.
All humans have a need to be respected. Also known as the 'belonging
need', esteem represents the normal human desire to be accepted and
valued by others. People need to engage themselves in something to gain
recognition and have an activity or activities that give them a sense of
contribution, to feel accepted and valued, be it a profession or hobby.
Imbalances at this level can result in low self esteem or an inferiority
complex.
In other words, self esteem is how we feel about ourselves and our
behaviour clearly reflects those feelings. According to eminent
psychologists, the first five years of any human is the deciding factor
or the best period of life.
Our behaviour reflects how we feel about ourselves |
During this period the child should make his path to high self
esteem. For example a child with high self esteem will later be able to:
* act independently
* assume responsibility
* take pride in his accomplishments
* tolerate frustration
* attempt new tasks and challenges
* handle positive and negative emotions
* offer assistance to others
On the other hand, a child with low self-esteem will:
* avoid trying new things
* feel unloved and unwanted
* blame others for his own shortcomings
* feel or pretend to feel emotionally indifferent
* be unable to tolerate normal level of frustration
* look down on his own talents and abilities
* be easily influenced
Parents, more than anyone else can promote their child's self esteem.
Most parents do it without even realizing that their words and actions
have great impact on how their child or teenager feels about himself.
Suggestions for boosting self esteem
When you come across something commendable about your child, mention
it to him. A mother of two daughters aged 11 and 13 in Kamburupitiya
maintains a note book to record all good deeds of her daughters, each
marked with a star. At the end of the month she counts the stars and
rewards each child accordingly.
But in our country, a majority of parents are often quick to express
their disappointment, but do not get around to commending their
children. Children do not know when you are feeling good about them and
they need to hear it from you. Especially in the mornings as children
get ready to go to school, they could hear only the negative and
frustrating comments of parents. Parents forget that children remember
positive statements.
They store them up and 'replay' these statements to themselves.
Practice giving your child words of encouragement.
Praise should be in public and discipline in private. Use
'descriptive praise' to let your child know when they are doing
something well. You must of course be in the habit of noticing
situations in which your child is doing a good or displaying talent.
When your child completes a task or chore you could say, "I really
like the way you arranged your room. You found a place for everything
and put each thing in its place." This is Seiton.
When you observe them showing a talent you may say, "That song you
sung a little while ago was great. You really have a talent for music."
Don't be afraid to praise them, even in front of family or friends. Use
praise to point out positive traits. For instance, "You are a very kind"
or, "I like the way you stick to things even when it's tough." You can
even praise a child for something he did not do by saying "I really
liked how you accepted 'no' for an answer without losing your temper."
Teach your child to practice making positive self statements. Self
talk is very important. Psychologists have found that negative self talk
is behind depression and anxiety. What we think determines how we feel
and how we feel determines how we behave. Therefore, it is important to
teach children to be positive about how they 'talk to themselves'.
Arrange some kind of tapes for your child to listen on 'Self image
for children' or 'Successful teens'. These tapes combine relaxation
techniques along with positive self statements and mental pictures to
help kids and teens develop their self esteem.
Criticism that takes the form of ridicule or shame should be avoided.
There is no argument that sometimes it becomes necessary to criticize a
child's actions and the parents have every right to do so. When, however
the criticism is directed at the child's personality, it can easily turn
into ridicule. It is important to use 'I statements' rather than 'You
statements' when criticising. For instance say, "I would like you to
keep your clothes in your closet or drawers not lying all over your
room," rather than saying "Why are you such a lazy slob? Can't you take
care of anything?"
Teach your child about decision making and to recognize when he or
she has made a good decision. Have you noticed that Children make
decisions? The reality is that they make decisions all the time, but
often are not aware that they are doing so. There are a number of ways
parents can help children improve their ability to consciously make wise
decisions.
1. Help the child clarify the problem that is creating the need for a
decision. Ask him questions that pinpoint how he see, hear and feel
about a situation and what may need to be changed.
2. Brainstorm the possible solutions. Usually there is more than one
solution or choice to a given dilemma and the parent can make an
important contribution by pointing out this fact and by suggesting
alternatives if the child has none.
3. Allow the child to choose one of the solutions only after fully
considering the consequences. The best solution will be one that solves
the problem and simultaneously makes the child feel good about him or
herself.
4. Later join the child in evaluating the results of that particular
solution. Did it work out well? Or did it fail? If so, why? Reviewing
the tactics will equip the child to make a better decision the next time
around. Develop a positive approach to providing structure for the
child. All kids and teens need to accept responsibility for their
behaviour. They should learn self discipline.
To help children learn self discipline, the parent needs to adopt the
role of coach or teacher rather than that of disciplinarian and
punisher. Learn the 'Three Fs' of positive parenting. (Discipline should
be fair, firm and friendly). |