Joke’s on you
Magician and the parrot
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each
week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was one problem. The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week
and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show
“Look, it’s not the same hat!” or, “Look, he’s hiding the flowers under
the table,” or “Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?” The
magician was furious, but couldn’t do anything. It was, after all, the
captain’s parrot.
Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in
the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They
stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on
for a day and then another and then another. Finally on the fourth day,
the parrot could not hold back and said,
“OK, I give up. Where’s the dam ship?”
I hit a pig
A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a
few minutes he radios his boss and says, “Boss, I’ve got a problem. I
hit a pig on the road and he’s stuck in the bull-bars of my truck.
He’s still wriggling. What should I do?” “In the back of your truck
there’s a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling
you can pull it out and throw it in a bush.”
The farm worker says okay and signs off.
About 10 minutes later he radios back. “Boss I did what you said, I
shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush.”
“So what’s the problem now?” his Boss snapped.
“The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!”
Funeral director
Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled, ‘You Can Be The
Man of Your House.’
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, ‘From now on,
you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished
eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have
the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath
so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my
robe.
Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who’s
going to dress me and comb my hair?’
His Sicilian wife Gina replied, “The funeral director would be my
first guess.”
- Lots of Jokes |