Skills and interpersonal intelligence

Dr. K. Kuhathasan

CEO: Cenlead

Leadership areas in interpersonal skills are wide and varied. A short list of such skills would include at least the following counselling group skills, assertiveness, social skills, interviewing skills, writing skills, using the telephone and group facilitation skills.

Examples of how such skills are used in a range of settings are also numerous and would include the following among many others.

* Counselling skills: counselling colleagues, friends, clients and customers.

* Assertiveness skills: returning bad goods, saying ‘no’, keeping to contracts and agreements.

* Social skills: introducing yourself, conducting meetings, working with the public, with customers and clients.

* Facilitation skills: Group dynamics, building teams, chairing discussions and organizing meetings.

Personal qualities for interpersonal effectiveness

Certain personal qualities are necessary for effective interpersonal relationships. A basic cluster of such necessary qualities may be identified as: kindness, genuineness, empathy and positive thinking.

These personal qualities cannot be described as ‘skills’ but they are necessary if we are to use interpersonal skills effectively. They form the bedrock of all effective human relationships.

* Personal qualities are equally as important as interpersonal skills, themselves.

* Kindness, the ability to empathize and the tendency to be non judgmental are important attitudinal qualities.

* We probably learn about our own interpersonal skills when we fail to achieve results.

Interpersonal intelligence and professional diplomacy can make or break a deal.

Kindness

Kind people are likely to get on better with others. Following consideration are involved in demonstrating kindness.

* Equal worth

* Absence of blame

* Non defensiveness

* Closeness

Genuineness

Genuineness is another important aspect of the professional interpersonal relationship. In one sense, the issue is clear; we either genuinely care for the person in front of us or we do not. We cannot easily fake professional interest.

Empathic understanding

We should empathize with other people to understand them. Empathy is the term usually used to convey the idea of the ability to enter the perceptual world of the other person; to see the world as they see it. It also suggests an ability to convey this perception.

Empathy is the ability to perceive the feelings of another person and to communicate this understanding to him.

Counselling skills

Counselling skills can be used in a variety of settings. They may be used to help the person who is suffering from a temporary emotional crisis or they may be useful in helping the person who has longer-term problems.

Counselling skills are also useful in everyday business and administration situations when dealing with colleagues, clients or customers.

They may also be practical and useful as a set of interpersonal skills for everyday use in every client – practitioner situation.

Group facilitation

Another type of interpersonal skill is group facilitation – the process of enabling groups to run effectively. Such skill serves two purposes. First, it is the application of interpersonal skills in a professional context. Second all the aspects of facilitation will help effective Team approach.

Trust

Trust forms the bedrock of interpersonal relationship. In his book, the Seven Habits of Highly Effective people, Stephen Covey uses the metaphor of an “emotional bank account” to describe the amount of trust that has been built up in relationship. To Covey, trust refers to the overall feeling of safeness that you have with another person.

You make “deposits” into an emotional bank account with another person through kindness, honestly and keeping commitments.

Covey suggests six major deposits to build up emotional bank accounts.

* Understand and honour people’ needs and priorities, which may be very different than our own.

* Attend to little things, like showing kindness and being courteous, because they make big positive deposits in relationships.

* Keep commitments. Breaking a promise can be a massive withdrawal that may prevent future deposits because people won’t believe you.

* Clarify expectations so that others don’t feel cheated or violated if you don’t behave in ways that they assumed you knew they desired, even though they never overtly told you.

* Show personal integrity by keeping promises, being honest, fulfilling expectations and being loyal to all people equally, including those not present.

* Apologize sincerely when you make a withdrawal, without rationalizing or trying to shift some of the blame to the other.

As trust builds in our emotional bank account, it becomes the foundation of regenerative relationships with others. People learn to put all their cards on the table to deal with issues and solve problems without wasting energy focused on difference in personality or position. Without trust, you lack the credibility and safety for open communication, creativity, problem solving, or mutual learning.

Human Relations

Human Relations are an important component of interpersonal relations.

The most successful people in service, business or politics are those who possess, in addition to their knowledge and qualifications, the ability to communicate and win over people.

What is human relations?

* A study of human behaviour and motivation.

* The science of influencing positive human behaviour.

* The ability to get along with people.

* The expertise of selling yourself – your ideas, hopes and ambitions – to others.

* A culture of decent, civilized behaviour and respect for the views, thinking and dignity of others.

* Treating people, not as commodities, but as individuals.

* Being sensitive to the feelings of others.

* The art of making friends and maintaining friendships.

Discover your interpersonal intelligence!

Answer ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ for the following statements.

1. Be genuinely interested about others. You interest, Involvement and commitment will be rewarded with rich dividends.

2. Be enthusiastic and you will arouse enthusiasm among others.

3. Act with confidence and determination. You could inspire and infuse confidence and courage, on others.

4. Always make others feel important. Appreciate them! Admire them!

5. Make your members feel that their problems are your problems.

6. Respect and honour the opinion of others. You can win them.

7. If you are wrong-admit it earnestly. They will respect you.

8. It is a fact that 90 percent of all failures in leadership are failures in Interpersonal relations.

9. Always encourage others by offering sincere appreciation for their contribution, Commitment and involvement. You can influence them.

10. Give the members credit for what they have done. Appreciate their activities and contributions. Be lavish in your praise. You will be respected.

11. Be generous with kind statements. Gratitude is not a common thing. By being generous with gratitude, you make yourself outstanding.

12. Criticism, to be successful, must be for the purpose of accomplishing some worth-while actions for yourself and the member you are criticizing.

13. Criticism must be made in absolute privacy. Call attention to the mistakes indirectly. Mistake makers are more committed than others.

14. Preface criticism with a kind word or compliment. Offer valuable suggestions.

15. Make the criticism impersonal. Criticize the act, not the actor.

16. Appeal for co-operation. Do not demand for same. Orders are unacceptable.

17. Criticize in a friendly manner. Be sympathetic with ideas of others.

18. Be a more patient listener than an eager speaker. You have two ears!

19. Never indulge in gossip. It will prove to be your worst liability.

20. Avoid arguments. Promote discussion, Throw down a challenge. Even if you win the argument the chances are that you lose the confidence of the member who lost the argument.

21. Develop greater understanding of human problems. Consider issues from others point of view. You can win people to your side.

22. Satisfy the members hunger for self-esteem and recognition. He is a member of the team, not only to gain rewards but also to gain recognition and respect. Give recognition and get recognition.

23. Everyone feels that he is the most important person in your organization.

24. Satisfy the self-esteem of others and they will become more friendly.

25. Sincere praise miraculously releases energy in others, perks them up physically and mentally.

26. The member who is not performing well may be suffering from low self-esteem. A healthy shot in the arm may change his behaviour for better.

27. If you do not know how to motivate yourself, you can motivate others.

If you have scored more than 22 ‘Yes’ responses, congratulations! Your interpersonal intelligence is excellent.

Interpersonal intelligence and emotional intelligence

Answer ‘Yes’ or ‘no’ for the following statements.

1.

* readily admit mistakes and apologize.

2.

* let go of problems, anger or hurts from the past and I can move beyond these.

3.

* generally have an accurate idea of how another person perceives, me during a particular interaction.

4.

* have several important things in my life that I am enthusiastic about them.

5.

* can easily meet and initiate conversation with new people when I have to.

6.

* have little trouble taking prudent risks.

7. Others usually feel inspired and encouraged after talking to me.

8.

* have no trouble making presentations in front of groups or conducting meetings.

9.

* take time every day for quiet reflection.

10.

* take initiative and move ahead on tasks that need to be done.

11.

* refrain from making up my mind on issues and expressing my opinion until I have all the facts.

12.

* have number of people I can turn, and I ask for their help when I need it.

13.

* try to find the positive in any given situation.

14.

* can deal calmly, sensitively and pro actively with the emotional displays of others.

15.

* can deal usually identify the emotion I am feeling at any given moment.

16.

* am generally comfortable in new situations.

17.

* can show empathy and match my feelings with those of another person in an interaction.

18.

* can keep going on a big project despite obstacles.

19.

* am respected and killed by others, even when they don’t agree with me.

20.

* am clear about my own goals and values.

21.

* express my views honestly and thoughtfully, without being pushy.

22.

* am good at managing my moods and I seldom bring negative emotions to work.

23.

* focus my full attention on another person when I listen to them.

24.

* believe the work I do, day-to-day has meaning and value to society.

25.

* can effectively persuade others to adopt my point of view without coercing them.

If you have scored more than 20 ‘Yes’ responses, you are excellent both in Interpersonal, intelligence and emotional intelligence.