A very British smoothie called 'Post-Colonial Angst'

Three months ago, the best-known British citizen in Sri Lanka was a man called David Miliband, Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs. He was not 'famous' in the positive sense of the word. He was notorious. The man seems to have gone underground.

I remembered him when I read a CNN report about how troops from the US Army's 10th Mountain Division had stormed a hospital in the Wardak Province of Afghanistan, tied up hospital guards and entered women's wards in violation of local customs. The troops, apparently, had been looking for suspected Taliban fighters. I was waiting for Miliband, the champion of human rights and ethical warfare to scream 'foul', issue statements, badger Ban Ki-moon to call for an immediate ceasefire in this alleged war on terrorism and canvass support for a negotiated settlement between the USA-led coalition operating in Afghanistan and the Taliban. Not a sound from David. Maybe he had slipped on his own vomit somewhere, fallen flat on his face and lost all his teeth. I don't know.

Then again, it is possible that selective agitation is an affliction of certain high-ranking British politicians and officials. Perhaps it is because there are no voters in South Shields with Afghan roots and with relations in Afghanistan.

Perhaps there is a large number of voters in that electorate who originated from the USA and are fiercely and blindly supportive of US foreign policy. Perhaps Miliband is being sensitive the electoral realities in that little patch of England which is his political turf. Perhaps it is part of being 'smooth'.

'Smooth'? Yes, 'smooth'. That's the preferred word of a major global player in diminished circumstances. We have it from no less an authority than the Acting High Commissioner of the British mission in Colombo, Mark Gooding. He was referring to the strange case where the High Commission refused or could not issue a visa to the Secretary, Ministry of Foreign Affairs Dr. Palitha Kohona.

Listen to him: 'In all cases of VIP visits, the High Commission works closely with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs to try to ensure a smooth service and we look forward to continuing this co-operation.' How smooth is smooth, Dr. Kohona now knows. If the High Commission is halfway efficient, it wouldn't have caused this diplomatic stir.

I am convinced that Gooding doesn't understand the meaning of 'smooth'. Or, perhaps, having invented the language, the English have decided to cook the definitions of certain words. Language is political, did I hear someone say? Well, sure, and at this end of things the result is pretty bland. Perhaps that's inevitable with things English.

The 'smooth' treatment of Dr. Kohona comes less than two weeks after the British High Commission 'smoothly' treated a Sri Lankan girl named Angayatkanni Krishnapillai, who was escorted to the Colombo International Airport by a British diplomat, Malcolm Lewis, who put her on a direct flight to the UK with a note to the immigration authorities in London to let her through.

It is reported that all this was facilitated by one Lorna Crooks (talk about the perfect surname!) the Immigration Liaison Manager of the UK Border Agency (UKBA). How smooth is that!

It gets better, ladies and gentlemen. The High Commission, after downing their trademark smoothie called 'Post-Colonial Angst', has refused to pick up the phone. 'Un-contactable'. This, in the 21st Century!

What's all this about, though? I think the quick answer is 'sour grapes'. The sun has set on the empire. A long time ago.

As some wit in Hyde Park put it, 'England is just another State of the United States of America'. That might have been enough, except that the USA has also slipped on the global stage and it gasping for breath.

Miliband screamed; no one took notice. Well, no one takes much notice of the British Government nowadays, one observes. So what do we have? Some petty pen-pusher in a former colony that his ancestors have robbed puts a kakul maattu on the Foreign Secretary. Childish, if you ask me.

If that's what 'smooth' means in UK-speak, then we can only echo the national sentiments embedded in British officialdom: god save the queen (all lower case, note).

Malinda Seneviratne is a freelance writer who can be contacted at [email protected].