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by Dr. Narme F. Wickremesinghe, Consultant in Occupational Medicine

November is a month of remembrance of patriots who laid down their lives so that others may live in peace. It was on November 11, 1918 at 11 a.m. that the guns were stilled after the First World War and ever since, the Sunday closest to that day is observed throughout the world as Remembrance Sunday - this year on November 10. Hopefully the nation will remember our heroes on that day and aspire for peace, by observing 2 minutes silence at 11 a.m.

Anxiety of families

Ran Menika's son, Ukku Banda, had returned home on a 10 days rest after 3 months duty in the North. Even though the past year in the North was without any major hostilities, the combatants in the Armed Forces had been instructed to be vigilant, and to be ready to engage any rebels who break the truce. Their numbers remain the same as before the MOU. In Ran Menika's mind, deep in a rural area in Nikaweratiya, the disaster that befell her neighbour five years ago still exists - one son disabled in a wheel chair and the elder son 'missing in action' i.e. although legally declared dead after one year, they never saw the body.

The neighbour's life had come to a standstill; she was constantly in tears, neglected the rest of the family, did not participate in any village celebrations, isolated herself, always irritable, feeling guilty that she was responsible, and her one wail was that she cannot even give an almsgiving (dhane) for her missing son though grateful that at least her other heroic son had life though disabled.

On the day that Ukku Banda was to return to his Unit, Ran Menika had his uniform - to keep him from going back to the Army, but the undeterred soldier went in his civvies, to the wailing of the mother, father, three sisters and a younger brother-the average number in a rural family.

This is the anxiety of most families in deeply rural areas who for patriotism or poverty have sent a son, husband, father, or brother to the Armed Forces or Police. The day of departure after rest is panic to the family due to fear that they will not see him again, even though now the danger is much less.

Stress of the loss

For the missing, killed and disabled in action, in spite of the cessation of hostilities, the numbers remain the same and the psychological problems continue. Officially 17,000 were killed and identified and the bodies returned to their families for funeral rites, etc. and although grief stricken and shocked initially for the loss of a young life, within a year most are able to overcome depression and come to terms with the loss and occupy themselves in getting on with life.

Yet there are 3,500 'missing'! These families go through the same stages of grief - Numbness (or denial), Irritability (and Anger), Bargaining (-'Why me'), Depression, but moves from hope to grief constantly in a yo-yo roller-coaster like effect. There was much hope that the missing will return after the signing of the MoU, but when Mr. Piriprabhaharan said that he had only 07 POWs, hope immediately became grief again. Again there was hope when the 7 were to be released, and when the LTTE said that there were no more prisoners it was grief again. This up and down movement leads to severe stress, and homes get neglected, disrupted and there is no coming to terms with the loss.

In a sense the wives and mothers of the missing are themselves captives. They are also bound by the whims of the captor, feeling totally helpless to do anything to help their loved ones, enmeshed in a hopeless, powerless, and captive situation. Like the captives themselves they find it impossible to go forward with life.

There is much rumination and recrimination in their minds asking many questions as to the 'why' and 'wherefores'. Victor Frankl referred to this type of coping as a 'search for meaning'. These families are lonely restless, and even humiliated and subject to envy (due to the compensation) by the husband's family and in certain instances abused, insulted and harassed. The blame for a husband missing is put on the wife's bad luck.

This unresolved grief in the wives of the missing reflect on the children as well, who too are in a state of ambiguity and limbo - not knowing whether they are fatherless or whether the father will return someday. They are also made the butt end of jokes in school, and does not join in school activities. The ability to cope with stress is a reflection of their mothers ability to cope effectively - and these are few and far between. An attempt is being made to train and occupy these families in vocational skills, and for them to meet regularly in small groups to derive strength in coping from one another.

The differently - abled

Many of the medically retired disabled personnel and their families go through the same stages of loss and have a prolonged extreme stress. In addition to similar symptoms of the families of those missing, these heroes have actually seen the bloody rigors of war, of friends dying before their very eyes - and years later develop psychiatric symptoms of post traumatic stress disorders such as numbness and unreality, withdrawal and isolation, unexplained irritability, nightmares, suicidal ideas etc.

They too need much assistance and their families need to be assisted to cope with this new stress in family life. It is said that there are 16,000 disabled and the Armed Services does much to give vocational training to most of them, to lead as near normal lives as possible.

Social problems

Unfortunately society itself does not cater to their needs in spite of a disability rights law introduced in 1996, and the personal appeal to Her Excellency President Chandrika Bandaranaike Kumaratunga to the Ministries concerned to provide a proper and friendly environment to the differently abled especially when disabled in action. Ran Banda still has to stand on one leg in buses, Gunasekera (without both legs) is still fighting the Registrar of Motor Vehicles to have his invalid carriage licence legally recognised, most have to wait in queues at hospitals, and the blind and paraplegics are discriminated in employment interviews (they are dismissed even before the interview).

Although we as a nation need to be prepared for many psychological problems of these direct victims of war in the South, it was found that many of these problems are aggravated by the social problems that the families have to face in rural areas, far from towns, and to whom Governmental regulations/procedures/bureaucracies are meaningless. Hence the Ranaviru Seva Authority was established by Her Excellency the President to mediate in the psychosocial problems of these families though civilian but still under the flag. Most NGOs, till recently, would do nothing for them because these civilians had a military connection. The fact that this connection was patriotic, of so few doing so much for so many in the nation was immaterial!

National Remembrance Park (NRP)

The Rana Viru Seva Authority in association with the Public and Private Sectors has now set up the National Remembrance Park, a place of scenic beauty 16km from Kandy on Raja Mawatha (Randenigala Road), where each of the 21000 lost in the line of duty for Mother Lanka are remembered. Whilst it is a place for all patriotic citizens to honour the heroes who have paid the supreme sacrifice since Independence, hopefully it may help to mitigate the unresolved grief of the families of the missing in having a place of remembrance.

The theme of the NRP is "Peace & life arises from death & strife" - a place that shows the atrocities of strife to future generations of our land. It is hoped to set up a Trust Fund for the maintenance of the NRP. The Sri Lanka Insurance Corporation, the National Lotteries Board, the Development Lotteries Board and the Ceylon Tobacco Co., have promised massive donations for the maintenance and development of the NRP. It is hoped that others will follow suit.

The Hon. Milinda Moragoda has been quietly encouraging large donations to the Trust Fund. The Prime Minister, the Hon Ranil Wickremesinghe too has said: "contribution by all public spirited citizens will encouraging the organizers."

November is a month of remembrance of patriots who laid down their lives so that others may live in peace. It was on 11th November 1918 at 11.00 a.m. that the guns were stilled after the first World War and ever since, the Sunday closest to that day is observed throughout the world as Remembrance Sunday - this year on 10th November.

Hopefully the nation will remember our heroes on that day and aspire for peace, by observing 2 minutes silence at 11.00 a.m.

Rana Viru Seva Authority (RVSA)

The Rana Viru Seva Authority was established in 2000 by Her Excellency the President under a Parliamentary Act supported by all political parties, to attend to the psychosocial needs and welfare of the disabled of war, the families of those missing or killed in action, and those maintaining the peace and sovereignty of Sri Lanka in operational areas. Whilst the cessation of hostilities is welcome we must not forget the soldiers, sailors, airmen, and police personnel who died, are lost, and others still vigilant in the defence of the unity and sovereignty of the Motherland and their families.

The RVSA does its psychosocial and welfare functions only through private donations and that too by specific projects.

With the dawn of peace these donations are now few, but it is necessary to continue this work for so few who have done so much for so many. Those who care for the ones who dare, can send their donations to the Rana Viru Seva Authority, No. 410/34, Bauddhaloka Mawatha, Colombo 07, (Telephone 01-662331/5, Fax 01-696236, [email protected]).

It will be helpful if the donor specifies the Project.

The RVSA Projects are: Housing, Educational Scholarships, Skills Development, Disabled war Heroes, Transit Camps, Legal Assistance, General Welfare, and Psychosocial Intervention.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning we will remember them. For those left behind, we will care for the families of those who dared.

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