An ageing buckeroo’s thanks for the stunning ‘smackeroos’

I never imagined that the mention of my birthday on Friday the fifth of July in last week’s column would evoke such a huge response. Being a rather modest scribbler I would never have contemplated that my name had become a household word among so many readers. That would have been a laugh as far as I am concerned. My name is not even a household word in my own house!

Well there were so many lovely ladies out there who often provide valuable feedback to my weekly column. The astounding revelation is that I have never met any of these charming people. Not the least among them is the amiable Aunty Saji Cumaraswamy, who regularly fires back some delightful cameos that sparkle with bubbly good humour. Thank you Aunty Saji for your heartfelt birthday wishes.

Anyway I must take this opportunity to convey my thanks to several others including Praneetha Perera, Onitha Gurugalla, Dileeni Jayatileke and Dr. Sudharma Gajadeera for their warm birthday wishes and specially those stunning ‘smackeroo’ kisses. I really appreciate it so much from the bottom of my heart and the bottom of my whisky glass. I love you all! Thank you so much dear readers for all your cards conveying your best wishes. I´m truly very honoured, thankful, flattered, happy and spechless.

I was just totally blown away by too many sweethearts here. I am utterly touched.

You are the best ! Needless to say the latest birthday bash was a real blast. But some spoilsports assert that guys my age should know better are living out the playboy philosophy they were raised on. Many people are of the opinion that old hell-raisers and some maturing ‘swingerettes’ of my vintage should only be taking an academic interest in such wild and wilful behaviour. Besides, you are never too old to learn something stupid and have a heck of a good time in the process.

Yes, for me it has been quite an exciting and unrestrained lifestyle. Right throughout I have had one heck of a good time rockin’ and a rollin’ and rockin’ and a reelin.’Many of the guys in those days were mostly weekend warriors of the partying kind. But our exclusive clan comprised party animals, all willing to whoop it up any day of the week.

Even during our salad days members of our Yahoo clan were considered brave tipplers who had many a raging battle with the bottle. And astoundingly we were none the worse for our exertions the morning after. Late night benders were the stuff of legend then. Yes even as far as the boring parties went our very presence helped enhance a Bacchanalian atmosphere.

It has become a sort of tradition that when I have a birthday I take the day off. But I know certain women who when it comes to their birthdays take a couple of years off. Yes certain mature women do take the art of credibility to a point of no return. There is this grande dame, Princy. In her youth everyone in the neighbourhood recognised her as a real sporting schoolgirl.

A national athlete of sorts, I believe. But her fame or rather infamy spread because of her tempestuous liaison with a sugar-daddy tycoon. Strangely, the association turned out to be one of stability and peaceful cohabitation. And oh, yes, she was soon wading up to her neck in lots of ‘moolah’ while being showered with dazzling diamonds.

Many of her contemporaries and schoolmates who had settled into conservative middle-class marriages whispered some very nasty natter about her ‘tight pants and loose morals.’ But she seemed unmoved by the scurrilous gossip. But then as most smart and successful personalities do she made the mistake of trying to conceal her age.

Ah yes, thrust into social prominence she made the mistake of imagining that the secret of staying young was to lie shamelessly about her age. It certainly was easier for someone of her wealthy disposition to fib about her age.

That is because of the astounding advances in age-defying procedures in dermatology that could help erase some of the results of the skin’s ageing.

Yes, she was certainly considered an influential figure in the Colombo social whirligig. She threw lavish parties at the most fashionable hotels and was often written about in the newspapers social columns. Speculation about her real age began after she had established herself as a socialite and decided to throw the grand-daddy of all parties to celebrate her landmark birthday.

Now as we all know 50 is a nice age for a woman, especially when she happens to be 60. Months before the birthday Princy demanded publicity claiming that she was approaching 50. And everyone could not help wondering from what direction.

Well she was long past pushing 50 but all the same was clinging on to it for dear life.

Princy’s secret was not safe with her classmates because they did not want to be left 10 years ahead of her. Former school friends said she was older than she claimed and by nothing short of a full decade. And I am talking about the testimony of some 47 of her classmates, leaving out a few who have graduated to the Great Beyond, who all claimed to be 63 in the shade two years after the event.

Pains me to admit it but they’ve taken all the fun out of parties these days. Yes I believe you may have heard me grumbling about this setback before. The so-called parties today have become a monotonous ritual where everyone stands around in immutable little bunches, bellyaching about the soaring cost of living, perversely relishing someone else’s divorce or comparing notes on their beastly little tykes.

If this is your idea of a party you are welcome to do with it what the monkey did with his nuts. But please leave me off the invitations list, thank you! After one of these torpid get-togethers, it amazes me to hear departing guests lying through their back dentures, assuring their hosts that they have had a delightful time.

My friend Surchepps was confronted by a sister of the hostess after a particularly tiresome gathering. She said: “I must say, I’ve had a lovely evening. You?” Surchepps without so much as batting an eye answered: “Once again the pleasure was all yours.”

So all in all, thank you everybody for the warm wishes and loving kisses. You simply made my day. Greetings, especially of the ‘smackeroo’ variety by the lovely lady readers are all highly appreciated by an old, bold and uncontrolled ‘Buckeroo’. Mggghhhhh! They have sent me rockin’ and reelin’ and feelin’ 16 again!’

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