Pricking the bubble of rude pomposity

Gaston de Rosayro

Has the Sri Lankan rudeness quotient really increased or has my tolerance decreased? Many will agree with me when I claim that manners and courtesy appear to have all but disappeared from our society. Why the heck have primary social skills declined to nearly an extinct status? The public rallies for mandates to safeguard endangered species, so where are the manners and common courtesy activists hiding these days.

For instance, the word queue has no meaning in the Sri Lankan mind. I honestly believe that it has to do with the lack of self-discipline and being absorbed with life. I totally understand that people may be busy, but who isn't these days. Has life become so stressful that simple courtesy has become a relic of the past?

Older generations of people who aren't into technology figured out how to live without all these gadgets and were quite occupied with life too, but they somehow understood manners.

Illogical conduct

Can we stop the devastating impetus of human demanding, rudeness and disrespect? Candidly, I do not know, but I would love to see an end to much of this inconsiderate behaviour. To survive in a society of ever-increasing bad conduct, I endeavour to set a standard for myself. But honestly, should I have to? We have a major meltdown taking place in this country when it comes to the routine interaction of people on a daily basis. Plain and simple; many people do not know how to act and believe it is perfectly acceptable to treat other people badly.

No matter where you go on any given day, there is a good chance you will encounter insensitive, blatantly disrespectful or demanding behaviour by someone who considers himself or herself the most important person in the world. Just ask them! Many a time you are bound to cross paths with people who are stuck on themselves, intolerant of people different from them, rude or downright conceited. These people can be a great source of potential pain to everyone around them.

My choice, though sickening, stories of illogical conduct, are about people who feel they are so darn important, they pull the 'do you know who I am' card every chance they get. A top copper told me a story about one of his officers pulling this stunt during a police check one night.

The young driver who had been pulled over was the son of an important state bureaucrat. Approaching the vehicle, the police officer knew immediately the youth had been drinking because not only could he smell alcohol, but the driver was slurring in his speech as if was suffering an aneurism. When asked to step out of the vehicle, the driver started ranting, "Do you know who I am...do you know who my father is?"

The cop was told who the drunken young driver's father was. But it did not faze the cop, as of course it should not. The officer said, "I don't give a whatever whoever your father is. You are under arrest for drinking and driving!" I am sure many of you will agree that society on the whole has some serious changing to do when it comes to manners, courtesy and good old common sense.

Special treatment

It also has something to do with class and family background. When I speak of class here I am referring to decent class backgrounds and attitude that has absolutely nothing to do with wealth or position.

The bad behaviour or snobbish attitude of a person is usually the give-away that they really are not from a well educated, socially trained, confident social class. Most adults, who one considers are upper class individuals are not rude, crass or impolite and don't waste their hard earned wealth on overpriced physical trappings that most people associate with wealth.

Lower class people can try to look and act upper class and upper class people don't have to make their status visibly evident. Either way, such people are acting as if they are more important than everyone else because they are afraid of being judged as ordinary or failures in the eyes of society. They put on a flashy facade to sway public opinion.

Those people might say that looking high class is a matter of personal pride, but their 'pride' is for public display and there's generally no reason to care about what complete strangers think about you. That is why these people imagine they are entitled to special treatment. Still it doesn't excuse their rudeness by any means.

Arrogance and smugness is often a reflection of limited life experience, and feeling concerned that those with greater life experience 'have got something over them'. Rather than seeking to find out more through questions and learning conceited people tend to generalise from their limited, narrow life experiences and try to impose their small worldview on others.

Jealousy of your achievements or seeming lifestyle can cause another person to feel smug or overconfident about something they think they do better than you or have that you don't. Pompous people have an extremely strong need to look good. When you make them look bad- even if it is the slightest offence - they will usually flip their lids.

This happens when you question, or at least seem to question, their appearance, intelligence, athletic abilities, or anything else relating to their self-image.

'My-way's-the-only-way' attitude

Most of the time prideful people have a serious 'my-way's-the-only-way' attitude. This is simply a protective mechanism for their false image or their fantasy land. Which again reminds me of another story which became part of Sri Lankan police mythology. It occurred in the early 60s or thereabouts when a young police sub-inspector was patrolling the old parliament area with a posse of subordinates.

They were observing the traffic near the Beira Lake spill when a sports car driven by a woman came careening round the corner at excessive speed. The driver managed to brake in time on the edge of the spill and was confronted by the policemen. To her credit, the pretty young driver did not utter a word in her defence. But her front seat passenger, who it later transpired happened to be her self-important mother-in-law, took umbrage.

The middle-aged lady started berating the policeman telling him about her own genealogy and her daughter-in-law's powerful connections. The young cop remained totally composed in the face of such insolent arrogance.

He calmly requested the lady's driving licence with utmost politeness. He then turned to the enraged woman and said with utmost civility: "Madam, a policeman's lot is not a happy one. I am only doing my duty. I am not charging the gracious young lady for her breeding, but only for her speeding!"

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