Accepted behaviour from the West

Kith Udugama

This must be absolutely important for our younger generation. They will be our future leaders in business and in the political arena.

When you get a good education you will undoubtedly have international connections. This is negotiating business transactions, presenting of proposals and participating in lunch and dinner.

Not only learning English, it is imperative that you learn internationally accepted behaviour from Westerners.

Some important things to learn

Time

British people and most westerners place considerable value on punctuality. If you agree to meet friends at three o’clock, you can bet that they will be there just after three. Since Britain’s are so time conscious, the pace of life may seem very rushed. In Britain, people make great effort to arrive on time. It is often considered impolite to arrive even a few minutes late. If you are unable to keep an appointment, it is expected that you call the person you are meeting. Some general tips follow.

You should arrive:

* At the exact time specified - for dinner, lunch or appointments with professors,doctors and other professionals.

* Any time during the hours specified for tea, receptions and cocktail parties.

* A few minutes early: for public meetings, plays, concerts, movies, sporting events, classes, church services and weddings. If you are invited to someone’s house for dinner at half past seven, they will expect you to be there on the dot. An invitation might state “7.30 or 8,”in which case you should arrive no later than 7.50. However, if an invitation says “sharp,”you must arrive in plenty of time.

Invitations

It is wise to telephone before visiting someone at home. If you receive a written invitation to an event that says “RSVP,”you should respond to let the person who sent the invitation know whether or not you plan to attend.

Never accept an invitation unless you really plan to go. You may refuse by saying, “Thank you for inviting me, but I will not be able to come.” If, after accepting, you are unable to attend, be sure to tell those expecting you as far in advance as possible that you will not be there.

Although it is not necessarily expected that you give a gift to your host, it is considered polite to do so, especially if you have been invited for a meal. Flowers, chocolate or a small gift are all appropriate. A thank-you note or telephone call after the visit is also considered polite and is an appropriate means to express your appreciation for the invitation.

Introduction and Greeting

It is proper to shake hands with everyone to whom you are introduced, both men and women. An appropriate response to an introduction is “Pleased to meet you.”If you want to introduce yourself to someone, extend your hand for a handshake and say “Hello, I am....”. Hugging is only for friends.

Dining

When you accept a dinner invitation, tell your host if you have any dietary restrictions. He or she will want to plan a meal that you can enjoy. The evening meal is the main meal of the day in most parts of Britain. Food may be served in one of several ways: “family style,” by passing the serving plates from one to another around the dining table; “buffet style,” with guests serving themselves at the buffet; and “serving style,” with the host filling each plate and passing it to each person. Guests usually wait until everyone at their table has been served before they begin to eat. Food is eaten with a knife and fork and dessert with a spoon and fork.

What should I do or not do when I am eating in Britain?

The British generally pay a lot of attention to good table manners. Even young children are expected to eat properly with knife and fork.

Britain’s eat most of their food with cutlery. The food which they do not eat with a knife, fork or spoon include sandwiches, crisps, corn on the cob and fruit.

Things you should do:

If you cannot eat a certain type of food or have some special needs, tell your host several days before the dinner party.

If you are a guest, it is polite to wait until your host starts eating or indicates you should do so. It shows consideration.

Always say thank you when served something. It shows appreciation.

You may eat chicken and pizza with your fingers if you are at a barbecue, finger buffet or very informal setting. Otherwise always use a knife and fork.

When eating rolls, break off a piece of bread before buttering. Eating it whole looks tacky.

On formal dining occasions it is good manners to take some butter from the butter dish with your bread knife and put it on your side plate (for the roll). Then butter, pieces of the roll using this butter. This prevents the butter in the dish getting full of bread crumbs as it is passed around.

When you have finished eating, and to let others know that you have, place your knife and folk together, with the prongs (tines) on the fork facing upwards, on your plate.

Things you should not do:

It is impolite to start eating before everyone has been served unless your host says that you do not need to wait.

It is impolite to have your elbows on the table while you are eating.

Do not reach over someone’s plate for something, ask for the item to be passed.

Never use your fingers to push food onto your spoon or fork.

Never blow your nose on a napkin (serviette). Napkins are for dabbing your lips and only for that.

Never pick food out of your teeth with your fingernails.

Things that are ok to do:

It is ok to pour your own drink when eating with other people, but it is more polite to offer pouring drinks to the people sitting on either side of you. I am not used to eating with a knife and fork. What do I need to know?

We eat continental style, with fork in the left hand and the knife in the right (or the other way round if you are left handed). At the top of your plate will be a dessert spoon and dessert fork.

If you are eating at a formal dinner party, you will come across many knives and forks. Start with the utensils on the outside and work your way inward with each subsequent course.

How to eat with a knife and fork in England

The fork is held in the left hand and the knife in the right.

If you have a knife in one hand, it is wrong to have a fork in the other with the prongs (tines) pointed up.

Hold your knife with the handle in your palm and your fork in the other hand with the prongs pointing downwards.

When eating in formal situations, rest the fork and knife on the plate between mouthfuls, or for a break for conversation.

If you put your knife down, you can turn your fork over. It is correct to change hands when you do this, too, so if you are right handed you would switch and eat with the fork in your right hand.

If it is your sole eating instrument, the fork should be held with the handle between the index finger and the thumb and resting on the side of your middle finger.

How to eat Soup

When eating soup, tip the bowl away from you and scoop the soup up with your spoon.

Soup should always be taken (without slurping of course) from the side of the spoon, and not from the ‘end’ as in most of the rest of Europe.

How to eat pudding (desserts)

To eat dessert, break the dessert with the spoon, one bite at a time. Push the food with the fork (optional) into the spoon. Eat from the spoon. (Fork in left hand; spoon in right)

How to use a napkin or serviette

The golden rule is that a napkin should never be used to blow your nose on. This is a definite no-no.

Napkins should be placed across the lap - tucking them into your clothing may be considered ‘common.’