Sharing empathy

Senarath TENNAKOON

It is no secret that papa's days are numbered. Actually, he has dragged on even beyond the three months span of life that the expert physician has predicted. Although it has rekindled our hopes for a bright future, the truth is that papa is gradually sinking and dragging nearer and nearer to the brink of this life on earth.

In the beginning it came in the form of an unexpected emotional shock when I was informed by my brother that papa suddenly developed a stroke one night.

He developed a series of body convulsions that included violent shaking of the head, jerking of the arms and legs and face becoming blank and wrinkled. That was what my brother told me over the telephone. He was rushed to the local government hospital and given emergency care

and treatment. The fits were controlled with injections, a naso gastric tube was inserted, a catheter was inserted for him to pass urine and a saline drip was set in motion. When I came to see him on the following day, papa was quite smiling and he said that he did not know what happened to him. My brother was near his bed and he told me the whole story in great detail. Further I met the young doctor who was in charge of the ward.

The doctor told me that the brain scan showed multiple microscopic opacities and suspected that papa could have had several previous minor attacks of fits. Papa was a diabetic and an asthmatic and was on regular prophylactic therapy. He never had hypertension. He occasionally enjoyed smoking and drinking. But he was never an addict. However, after retirement from a thirty year long service in the education department, most of the time he led a sedentary life at home looking after my mother.

My mother was emotionally unsteady and was taking regular treatment.While in the local hospital papa did not develop further fits. But it was decided that he should be transferred to the nearest teaching hospital and accordingly he was transferred.There, further investigations were carried out.

Some fluid was taken from his spinal canal. A MRI was carried out. Radiological investigations and minute examination of the blood were carried out. When the consultant physician broke the news that papa is having a brain tumor I nearly fainted. It came as a second shock. According to him papa's brain tumor has an obscure origin. He could not find its origin. It has come to the brain from elsewhere. But with the available technology he could not detect the primary site or source of this tumor.

All what he said were those showers of secondary tumor cells episodically invading papa's brain. Although the primary sites in the mid line structures of the body were sought the technology could not detect the primary site. So what should be done?All of a sudden, one afternoon papa developed another fit.

It was a fearful fit to watch and it was the first time that I witnessed such a terrible event. Fortunately it happened in the hospital when the hospital staff was present. I screamed. But when I saw the quick action of emergency treatment by the dedicated doctors, nurses and others I was simply surprised. Actually I and my brother had nothing to do except to watch the oxygen cylinders being transported, tubes inserted into father's nose, injections given and cardiac massages given etc.

With these he recovered but this time there was a difference in his recovery. His left side of the body, in particular his left arm remained paralyzed and his face looked like a mask with a hanging lifeless right cheek. He could speak, but his speech was difficult to be understood.In any case the chief physician decided to give him a course of chemotherapy followed by a course of radiotherapy. Within two weeks his hair began to fall. He became pale.Blood transfusions were given. He did not develop any more fits. He was discharged after two weeks and asked to come after another month for another course of chemotherapy.At home papa was doing well. But he has to be fed with a spoon.

His mouth has to be washed and his sarong has to be tied around his waist by some one. He has to be supported in walking to the bathroom and brother used to wash his back after passing stools. Mother kept on brooding and pondering over the bad times that have invaded our house.

While western treatment has been offered a dominant place I also met a local priest who is renowned for treating chronic illnesses and cancers. He gave oil that should betaken orally daily, a few drops at a time. He was of the opinion that papa's illness has something to do with his past karma which none could escape from its chase through ones life.

He also advised me to organize a Pirith ceremony followed by an offering of Pirikara to Maha Sangha.

I knew that the offering of Pirikara is the last religious offering performed during the end of one's lifespan. The problem I faced was how to convey this information to the ailing papa.

If I gave a mere hint of a Pirikara to be offered by his own hands to the Sangha, he would definitely come to know that he is nearing his end days, and he would demand me to reveal the truth of his illness. However, with his approval a Pirith ceremony was arranged.

The family members as well as the relatives enthusiastically participated in it and instead of offering one Pirikara by papa alone all the elderly family members including papa had to offer Primaries to the Maha Sangha.This strategic performance masked the highlighting his tragic illness. The Maha Sanghatoo delivered religious messages to all in a general manner without mentioning the fatal nature of papa's illness. As usual the impermanence, suffering and soullessness of human life were reminded by the Maha Sangha. Papa seemed very much satisfied.

After this religious ceremony, papa expressed a rare desire to release a goat that is destined to be slaughtered. So my brother had to go to a slaughter house and pay a handsome amount of money for bringing home a young male goat which was fully black in colour.

It was allowed to roam in the home garden which is about half an acrein extent. As a bell was hung tied to a string around its neck, it made a trilling musical sound as it roamed all over the land.

It often came to the back door wishing to taste ripe plantains. The next-door neighbour undertook to help papa to look after the black goat as there was only mother and papa at home during daytime and papa rarely went out of the house. But papa used to keep a watchful eye on the animal's movements from the easy chair kept for him near the back door under the Anona tree.My brother who is employed in Colombo has to come home almost every evening because of papa.

He has to attend to papa's daily needs. I too live far away and I too have to come home every weekend to relieve brother from his work. Mother is unable to do anything. Often I have to take unofficial leave from my workplace. My boss is kind and knows my domestic problems. I am married and I have a kid of three years.My husband too understands my problems and gives a helping hand.

Our close and distant relatives too are sorry for papa's untimely illness. But they are helpless. Some of them have performed Buddha Pujas in Buddhist shrines and prayed for his good health.Papa's friends often come to see him and they continue to encourage him to overcome his illness.

Apart from attending to papa's illness there are other things that should not be postponed.

My brother has been getting ready to get married at the time of papa's sudden illness. Although my brother has been keeping silent I know that he is unhappy. For him to marry while papa is in this condition would not be acceptable by the culture and the outside society. At present this issue is pressing my mind. There is another issue and that is the property belonging to papa. He has not written clear deeds about sharing the coconut lands, paddy fields and the house that belong to him.

There are also some lands that he is looking after, which also belong to his brothers and sisters. Although there were preliminary discussions about sharing these among them, they too remain silent as papa is gravely sick. Everybody is hoping that he would take up this challenge and comeback to his normal healthy position with the blessings of the Triple Gem.

I too am becoming optimistic as he has outlived the expert doctor's deadline.Papa was doing well with the medical as well as the emotional and religious treatment procedures. Despite his body weaknesses his morality is getting boosted and one bright Sunday when all were at home he made a surprising observation and a declaration. He told me in uncertain terms that he wanted to see the family notary public Dissanayake and write his property deeds.

He wanted me to write and inform all his brothers and sisters. Secondly he wanted my brother to get married with his chosen girl before papa's last day in this world, made a request from both of us and made us promise that we would look after the mother as well as we looked after him. I felt sorry for him.

But, I knew that he by some way or other he has come to know that his illness is incurable. I thought that it is good for him to be aware of his situation rather than to be in a state of glorified ignorance.