Old Life Snatcher woos Mother Rapture
Gaston de ROSAYRO
As far as I can remember, I have never been out of sorts with good
old Mother Nature. I have had, however, some issues with Father Time. I
wish, for example, he would take a vacation. Really, all that marching
on must be quite tiresome for the old duffer.
But I still harbour a sneaky suspicion that Mother Nature and Father
Time are working hand in hand. To be quite honest I believe they are in
cahoots. Father Time has a paternal nature, hence the name 'father',
about him that reminds people of the motherly nature of Mother Nature.
Because of this, people have often imagined the two as married.
For all of us middle age is the awkward period when Father Time
starts catching up with Mother Nature. And of course there is nowhere to
run. Of course some men talk of killing time, not realising that it is
time that quietly kills them.
My old mate Collie, refuses to believe they have tied themselves up
in nuptial knots. He says: " No, they are not married - at least, not to
each other. But every now and then Father Time gives Mother Nature a
little tick or possibly a tickle." But what worries me more is when the
Old Scratcher begins playing Life Snatcher.
Another good buddy Rajan claims with philosophical certainty they are
living together right here - all over the world. He puts it this way: "I
see Nature in all her aspects wherever I look, and Time pushing
everybody along in his usual heavy handed way all over the place. You
can't get away from them rotating us willy-nilly."
And my Yankee Doodle amigo from Waco Texas with the wacky name of
Crockett Cameron holds a loyal brief for Mother Nature. Says he: "She is
the revered lady who gave us all life. Ain't nothin' wrong with her.
Unfortunately, she married the old sidewinder Father Time. Father Time
is the dirty bushwhacker who makes us old, feeble, and then dead. He's
also responsible for what causes violence in creatures that was his
hidden lifestyle. Oh, he is quite the masochist.
" Now, I also think that Father Time had an affair - he slept around
and his favourite bit of fluff was Satanini, who as we all know is
Satan's sister. Which sort of makes sense when you think about it. But
do not blame Mother Nature, she is just too pure to be reckoned with.
Well, almost. But you know, some chicks just prefer jerks."
Now I am not the type of person to converse much about the weather,
but what was up with Mother Nature this past year in Sri Lanka? Do you
realise that we have had a compound of blistering droughts, bucketing
rainfall and a sort of wintry mix of cold snaps and ground frost in the
verdant high sierras.
No, we Sri Lankans are no strangers to the unpredictable weather
patterns. We got it all this year. Frost, sunshine, rain in merry
abundance with no one giving us the foggiest idea of what season it is
here. We are being made aware that nature's loving proxy, the watching
mother is bestowing a heck of a lot on us in mega doses.
It all goes to prove that Mother Nature definitely has a humorous
side. And to prove it she seemed to have a last minute blast from Old
Man Winter in the Hill Country as well. It would appear that Mother
Nature and Old Man Winter definitely have a thing going on.
No one can predict the whimsical ways of the weather gods when let
off the leash by Mother Nature. The deities who control the environment
are capricious.
Our tropical island is overwhelmingly reliant on monsoon rains for
its agriculture, domestic water consumption, irrigation and power supply
for its national grid. For many years now the nation has been fortunate
in managing to overcome a crisis of serious proportions as had been
experienced a decade ago.
When especially erratic seasonal torrential rains refused to burst
out of the clouds and fill the hydro catchment areas another power
crisis is inevitable. The unpredictable climatic changes can emerge
anytime. We burned and were thirsting. A blistering drought induced by
the delayed south west monsoon seriously affected our agricultural
sector.
The scorching dry spell destroyed paddy, vegetable and other crop
cultivations.
And then the clouds opened up and we experienced a deluge that caused
floods and landslides and submerged cultivations. What a contrasting
combination of weather patterns. At one time we were bone dry hot and
bothered and then the heavens opened up and there was an abundance of
showers. Then all of a sudden in the highlands we were freezing our
blossoms off. Literally!
Some who think they are more perceptive than most of us imagine that
meetings are events invented by Father Time in which the minutes are
kept and the hours are lost. We all know that Mother Nature can be
destructive.
Even during the secessionist war the thing that a lot of people could
not comprehend was why Mother Nature didn't have a bullet with their
name on it. But as my friend Collie suggests that she has thousands of
bullets inscribed with the 'to whom it may concern' label.
The most dangerous thing you could do when unable to cope with these
unrelenting parents is to request a time out. You know you cannot fool
either of them. For all of us I suppose middle and old age is the
awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature. I
like Mother Nature best during this period particularly in this neck of
the woods when she blows her balmy breezes across our tropical little
universe and colours the foliage. That's when Mother Nature is happy to
flick up her skirts, show everyone her red and gold undergarments.
I am personally aware of the story of the young gold digging woman
who believed firmly in the old adage that every girl should use what
Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away. The ambitious
woman was notorious for cultivating intimate relationships with elite
corporate sugar daddies. She finally summed up enough courage to propose
marriage to a 90-year-old decrepit lecher with oodles of 'moolah.'
She even suggested: "We might even have some children!" The old
tycoon replied: "Oh, no, my parents will not let me." Stunned the woman
queried: "What do you mean? Who are your parents?" He replied, "Mother
Nature and Father Time!"
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