A Woman’s Place

The End of Men by Hanna Rosin:

Jennifer HOMANS

“The End of Men”? This is not a title; it is a sound bite. But Hanna Rosin means it. The revolution feminists have been waiting for, she says, is happening now, before our very eyes. Men are losing their grip, patriarchy is crumbling and we are reaching “the end of 200,000 years of human history and the beginning of a new era” in which women — and womanly skills and traits — are on the rise.

Women around the world, she reports, are increasingly dominant in work, education, households; even in love and marriage.

The stubborn fact that in most countries women remain underrepresented in the higher precincts of power and still don’t get equal pay for equal work seems to her a quaint holdover, “the last artifacts of a vanishing age rather than a permanent configuration.”

And to whom do we owe this astonishing revolution? If there is a hero in Rosin’s story, it is not women or men or progressive politics: it is the new service economy, which doesn’t care about physical strength but instead apparently favors “social intelligence, open communication, the ability to sit still and focus” — things that “are, at a minimum, not predominantly the province of men” and “seem to come easily to women.” And so, “for the first time in history, the global economy is becoming a place where women are finding more success than men.”

Human history? Global economy? Her evidence for women the globe over consists of thin, small facts cherry-picked to support outsize claims. We read, for example, that “women in poor parts of India” are rushing ahead of their male counterparts to learn English so that they can man call centers. But will this impressive display of initiative really liberate them? And even if it did, are we to deduce a country from a call center?

But Rosin’s real focus is the United States, and here she delivers a blizzard of numbers, studies, statistics. Consider: By 2009 there were as many women as men in the work force, and today the average wife contributes some 42.2 percent of her family’s income — up sharply from the 2 percent to 6 percent that women contributed in 1970.

The future, Rosin says, looks brighter for women still. For every two men who will get a bachelor’s degree this year, there will be three women graduates. And even if they remain underrepresented at the top of just about everything, they have “started to dominate” in lower-profile professions like accounting, financial management, optometry, dermatology, forensic pathology and veterinary practices, among “hundreds of others.”

Rosin has invented comic-book characters to explain the momentous changes she sees: “Cardboard Man” is rigid, stuck in old habits, mentally muscle-bound and unable to adapt to the fleet-footed and mercurial global economy.

“Plastic Woman” (an unfortunate name choice, given the surgical “adaptability” it calls to mind) is infinitely malleable, nimble and endowed with “traditionally feminine attributes, like empathy, patience and communal problem-solving,” that make her the perfect match for the new economy. For her, the only way forward is up.

But this “rise,” which Rosin so cheerfully reports, is in fact a devastating social collapse. It starts with inequality and class division. As Rosin herself shows, men at “the top” of society are not “ending.” It is all happening to the lower and middle classes, because “the end of men” is the end of a manufacturing-based economy and the men who worked there, many of whom are now unemployed, depressed, increasingly dependent on the state and women to support them.

We know the numbers, and they are bad: since 2000 the manufacturing economy has lost six million jobs, a third of its total work force — much of it male. In 1950, 1 in 20 men in their prime were not working; today the number is a terrifying 1 in 5.

And so, a new matriarchy is emerging, run by young, ambitious, capable women who — faced with men who can’t or won’t be full partners — are taking matters into their own hands. For the poor, things are especially tough.

One single mother Rosin interviewed fell asleep standing in the elevator of the community college where she was studying to get her degree — between caring for three children and working a night job. No wonder these women don’t want to get or stay married: unless a man can pull his weight, he is just another mouth to feed. But as Rosin herself points out, the new matriarchy is no feminist paradise. To the contrary: we have been here before with African-American women, and it is not a happy story.

The matriarchy isn’t just happening at the low-income end; it is happening among the middle classes too. Take the young women who are flocking to school to become pharmacists, one of Rosin’s favorite fast-feminizing professions. Giddy at the prospect of a $100K salary and certain they will never not work, even if they have children, these women are planning for lives without men — or without reliable men.

That goes for the bedroom as well. If you thought today’s “hookup” culture was run by young testosterone-charged men who want sex and no commitment, think again. Rosin insists that women are often in charge and the primary beneficiaries. A steady relationship with a guy, as one researcher puts it, is like adding an extra course to an already full load.

Who needs it? These women have “hearts of steel,” and the hookup culture gives them sex without getting in the way of ¬career-building. Yet Rosin’s interviews with these young women are at times heartbreaking; they really do want love in their lives.

Hookups notwithstanding, college-¬educated men and women are more likely to marry and less likely to divorce.

And although women still do a majority of the child care, men are changing, Rosin says; they are becoming, well, more like women: flexi-, plastic men willing - wanting - to share in domestic life. Some workplaces are changing too, and some women are finding more ways to work and have children. Everyone is happier.

Except, of course, that everyone is not - or not quite. Rosin’s chapter on women at “the top” indulges the soul-searching of educated women trying to “have it all.” She gives us Silicon Valley as today’s mecca, insisting that companies like Google and Facebook - flexible, new-economy places - are (in spite of their notorious frat-house cultures) solving the problems of women and children and work. But while I’m happy to learn that a woman at Google persuaded her boss to fly her child and her nanny with her around the world business class, this hardly seems a viable economic model for most companies, or most mothers.

And what about Rosin’s faith in the adage that for women to make it to the top, you need to get women like Sheryl Sandberg, the chief operating officer of Facebook, to the top so that they can “remake the workplace in their own image”? Sandberg aside, we know this doesn’t necessarily work: women aren’t always, or even usually, looking out for other women - or even being nice to them. Many prefer to work with men; and some are willing to put in the long hours it takes to wrest their way up the chain of command.

In the end, there is something smug - and wrong - about Rosin’s depiction of “Plastic Woman.” Is it really a good idea to say that we are, by gender if not by sex, open, empathic, flexible, patient, prone to communal problem-solving and the like? We’ve known for a long time that men do not hold a monopoly on being rigid, hierarchical, close-minded or authoritarian. Yet the women in this book are almost all organized go-getters, whereas the men come across as lazy, unambitious couch potatoes.

It is hard not to cringe when Rosin compares a Type A girl who sits still in school and makes pages of to-do lists every night with a sloppier but equally high-¬performing boy who can barely remember what comes next in his day. Rosin holds the girl (her daughter) up to the light and suggests that the boy (her son) will need to find his own “inner secretary” if he is to succeed in the world we live in. Well, maybe, but everything in me wants to defend the boy for just being who he is. Do we really want an alpha-girl model, even if she does succeed in the new world economy, whatever that is? Do we want a model at all? Why should a son - or anyone, for that matter - want to be more like anyone else (much less his sister -or mother)?

Above all, is it really a good idea to suggest that women are poised to inherit the economy and that over time men and boys, God bless them, may learn to adjust and become more - more what? More like us (except when we’re not)? To suggest, in other words, that success - material, social, sexual, emotional - depends on (our!) gender traits and not on the legal and institutional frameworks we live in? I’m all for each of us remaking ourselves from within, but this kind of argument seems carelessly apolitical, especially at a moment when we are faced with public officials actively working to undermine access to birth control, abortion, equal pay for equal work. Talk about endings.

And I can’t share Rosin’s rosy faith in the global economy. Revolutions, economic or otherwise, have a way of disappointing women. They tear down the old, women step in and make strides, and as a new order sets in the strides disappear. Are Rosin’s Plastic Women genuine victors, or are they - or will they become - unwitting victims? Will the women who are so diligently training themselves as pharmacists today be as flexible and confident when the winds of the feckless global economy turn against them? How flexible can a woman be when she has been training for something for years and suddenly it is blown off the map by the “new” economy? Ask the men who are ended.

Jennifer Homans is a historian and a distinguished scholar in residence at New York University. She is the author of “Apollo’s Angels: A History of Ballet.” -The New York Times

Why can’t men and women think alike?

Sriyani De Saram

“Why can’t my husband think the way I do?” My newly wedded friend was complaining to me. “No, he cannot think as the same way as you do. Why? Because he is a man and you are a woman.” I replied.

Most of the young couples are facing this problem as to why both parties cannot think alike. Men and women are different, not better or worse, because their body chemist is different, they live in different worlds, with different values and according to quite different sets of rules. The only common thing they share is that both belong to the same species- human beings. So how can you expect both men and women to think alike?

Estrogen is the female hormone, that gives women an overall feeling of contentment and well being and plays a major role in her behavior while testosterone plays a similar role in men. These hormones and the brain structures are responsible for their different behaviors. You cannot blame them for their nature.

Differences

Society today likes to believe that men and women possess exactly the same skills, aptitude and potential although it is not really so. We have to believe and understand this and work towards building good relationships. Around 50% of marriages end in divorce today in the western countries and the trend is moving towards the Asian countries as well. Most serious relationships are destroyed because the man and woman do not understand each other.

Men and women evolved differently. The men hunted and women cooked and looked after the children. As a result their bodies and brains evolved in completely different ways. When their bodies physically changed to adapt to their specific functions, so did their minds. Men grew taller and stronger than women. Women were content that men worked away from home and they kept cave fires burning and looked after the children.

For over millions of years the brain structures of men and women have been continuing to change. Now we know the sexes process information differently. They think differently – hence their priorities and behaviors are also different. We have to understand this seriously, to pretend otherwise is, confusion and disillusionment.

Women mostly blame men for being insensitive, uncaring, not understanding , unattentive, not being warm and compassionate, not giving enough love, not being committed to relationships and wanting to have sex rather than make love. Men criticize women for talking too much without getting to the point, not being punctual, discussing their private matters with friends, getting too excited for a small matter, for not initiating sex often enough.

I personally know of an incident where a husband is very punctual and orderly person, and the wife exactly the opposite. The husband tried hard to change these shortcomings of his wife, but failed and their marriage ended in divorce. If the wife just tried to change her attitudes that marriage would have been saved.

Comparison

Women have wider peripheral vision while men have a tunnel vision. Why? As a hunter man needed vision that would allow him to target from a distance, while woman needed eyes to allow a wide arc of vision, so that she could monitor any predators sneaking up on the nest.

A woman can see a lipstick smudge on her husband’s shirt in a range of 20 feet , so can she smell the difference of scent on his shirt. It is very difficult for a man to lie to the face of a woman. It says if a man want to tell a lie to his wife better do it on the phone or his face fully covered and or in darkness. Men really wonder about the intelligence of the women.

When choosing a job men prefer jobs where they can use their high spatial ability such as flight engineers, pilots, air traffic controllers or architects etc. When under pressure men consume alcohol. While men prefer bitter liquid like beer, women like sweet drinks. Have you ever thought why little boys like cars, vans and guns while little girls like dolls? This is the effect of the different hormones and the brain wiring in their bodies.

There are day to day incidents through which you can easily identify these differences. Watch your daughter and son watching a boxing game or football game on TV- look at your sons excited face when one punches the other, look at your daughter who is trying to close her eyes from hands. What about your husband? See how interested he is? Why is this difference? Have you ever wondered why?

Men hardly tolerate advice and criticism. They always want to feel that he is capable of solving his own problem though he cannot. Have you noticed that he never want anybody to guide him when finding a place and will spend hours pondering over this without consulting anyone. Women are confused over this behavior. He will not even trouble his best friend over a problem ,but for a woman, sharing problems with her friends is a sign of trust and friendship .

Attention needed

Generally men hate shopping. They will accompany you only to make you happy. Men rarely knows how to give a sincere compliment to a woman and often forgets birthdays, anniversaries- occasions which are considered sacred by women. Saying ‘I love you’ does not cost a cent, but it is difficult for a man to utter that word which values so much to a woman.

Men are very possessive about their women, though they will flirt with other women when and where the occasion rises, they do not like their women to do the same. They will be wild if they found out of their women being disloyal. Better not appreciate another man in front of your husband, men hate it.

A man must never forget that a women is romantic, and sensitive. She may be your wife your girlfriend, sister, aunty etc. She enjoys compliments, little gifts, most of all caring. You must let her know that you love her.

No point keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself. You have to express them in a way a woman understands. You must never forget her birthday, your wedding anniversary etc and make sure that you wish her with a gift early in the morning before anyone else wishes her. She will be delighted and happy.This is a very simple thing that will go a long way in a relationship .

Love and sex are two different things for a man. But for a woman it is one. Do you think a man goes to a prostitute because he loves her? No, definitely not. It is for sex. When women make love, men have sex. There is a saying that sex is the price women pay for marriage and marriage is the price men pay for sex.

I must say that these facts apply for average men and women. There may be exceptional people. Some times you come across men with female qualities and women with male qualities. This happens according to their hormone levels.

It is necessary for both men and women to understand each other, not to blame each others for things over which they do not have any control. There should be compromise from both sides. Men can change, so do women. If they can change their attitudes, views and develop mutual understanding what a beautiful world this will be!

“Why men don’t listen and women can’t read Maps by Allan and Barbara Pease”

Rupika wins the N-PEACE Role Model for Peace Award 2012

The N-Peace Awards are held every year by the UNDP Asia Pacific Regional Centre in partnership with UNDP country offices and Search for Common Ground, with the support of AusAID, in six countries including Sri Lanka.

Sri Lanka’s Rupika Damayanthi De Silva is among the six winners of the N-PEACE 2012 ‘Role Model for Peace’ Award. N-PEACE is a regional “Network to engage for Peace, Equality, Access, Community and Empowerment” that aims to promote and showcase the role of peace builders and women leaders in Asia. Out of nine nominees from Sri Lanka, Rupika who is the Chairperson of the Saviya Women’s Organisation, secured the highest number of votes for a Sri Lankan candidate via the N-Peace Awards online voting campaign. Other Sri Lankan nominees for this year included Jezima Ismail, Sritharan Easwary, Neetha Ariyaratne, Sharmini Boyle, Ramani Damayanthi, Juwairiya Mohideen, Selvika Sahadeva and Pushpa Paranagama.

Rupika Damayanthi

Rupika began her journey in the field of social work in 1987 joining Sarvodaya as a volunteer. Through her social mobilization programs she has been able to strengthen the economic independence of low-income groups and in particular has been successful in her initiatives aimed at strengthening women’s entrepreneurship skills.

Rupika implemented an innovative program to promote women’s voices which involved an exchange program for Sinhala and Tamil women in Sri Lanka creating a space for them to interact to better understand each other. Rupika believes that women who have been affected by the conflict in Sri Lanka still require a lot more support and attention. She is a true peace advocate, who believes in supporting people’s potential to solve problems and transform conflicts.

The N-Peace Awards, a campaign started in 2011, aims to identify, document and profile the work of women leaders and peace builders in six countries in Asia. This initiative is facilitated by the United Nations Development Programme, in partnership with Search for Common Ground and the Institute for Inclusive Security, with support from AusAID. From six countries in Asia, 100 women were nominated for the N-Peace Asia regional Awards 2012.

Also receiving the awards as Role Models for Peace this year in their respective countries are Teresita Quintos Deles of the Philippines; Radha Paudel of Nepal; Mana Lou of Timor-Leste; Suraiya Kamaruzzama of Indonesia; and a tie for Afghanistan that includes Farkhunda Zahra Naderi and Quhramaana Kakar.

The awards for Men who Advocate for Equality and Emerging Peace Champions were won by the candidates from Nepal and Afghanistan respectively.

A documentary on the awardees will be produced and shared online to highlight their work in preventing, resolving, and helping their country recover from the armed conflict and advocating engagement of women in the peace building process.