Turtle fate

I have known her for many years, almost a lifetime back. It took a lot of time getting to know her because she, like most of my other friends, was ever-changing. Her ideologies, priorities and appearance changed with the years, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse.

Yet I developed a fondness for her, mainly because her loneliness and sorrow touched me. All she wanted was to be understood and loved. Her parents were not well-off but they were not exactly poor as well. She had no aspirations to elevate to a higher class. She did not mind stepping down a rung or two either.

But she believed in true love. A life-altering experience made her believe in it. She knew it was rare but the few who had found it held the essence of life on their palms.

Let us call her R temporarily. A stranger entered R's life and offered to be her lifetime partner. Believing in starting life afresh, she decided to take his hand and open her heart just a crack. The result made her turn the bolt back with rapid speed for she knew if she entered the territory again, there is no means of survival.

He wishes to remain a stranger. He dedicates more of his time to passer bys than those who wish to remain and be with him till his twilight years. Glitz, glamour and wealth rules his world. He could not spare a little space for his parents, friends and well wishers.

For some reason or other this situation makes me think of a few lines from Chandani Lokuge's 'Turtle Nest'. It was a heart-wrenching piece and I, being an emotional soul, was moved to tears while I read this excerpt.

"He could see her inserting her hand into the jagged wound of a slaughtered turtle, scooping out its thickly clotted blood. She weights the flesh that's cut out - pieces of fin and tail and organs. They say the turtle lives through it all, mourning and writhing in agony, until the carapace is almost empty, until at last, the very heart has been cut out. They know it is alive because it keeps snapping its mouth, and opening and closing its eyelids... Paul stares at the tears dripping from the turtle's eyes - it seems aware of its fate."

I could almost see R's future mirrored though these lines. I read the thoughts tumbling through her mind, flowing straight from her heart as she looks far into the horizon.

She asks, "Am I the turtle, slowly realizing my destiny? No loving words or intimate gestures. No tender looks coming my way in moments that I have actually pleased you. No memorable dates to be remembered for the approaching years in our calendar.

A mere showpiece borrowed to be displayed on your arm in gatherings. A maid to cook and clean your home and belongings. Just a woman to please you in your bed. Who am I but a shadow by your side, surviving out of the scraps of tiny pleasures that those who hold me dear offer me."

Shehara

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