Why respect cannot be demanded but earned...

Nayomini Ratnayake Weerasooriya ponders..

We live in a society that demands a lot of things. It seeks recognition when recognition is not due and respect when respect is something to be earned and not demanded. Many forget that respect for an individual, an institution or a group of people is built over a period of time and is forged on mutual understanding. But with so much of self-centredness going around, it seems that respect too must be on the fast track. Somehow.

Mutual respect is vital in all relationships. Relationships thrive best when respect is given and earned. A case in point is the marriage of the 21st century. What used to be a sacred bond that formed the basis of society, has today become an institution taken lightly and dismissed with ease. Many are the couples who wed in style, who spend more time pondering on the big day than on their compatibility.

Soon enough, you hear of them parting ways, not even having had the time to work it out. There’s no time for them to earn mutual respect - there’s too much going on in each other’s life and no one is willing to consider the other’s viewpoint.

Close relationships

Respect has long ended on most close relationships and parent child is no exception in today’s world. I remember watching a TV programme sometime ago in which a prominent personality said that he never allowed his kids to watch movies where children belittled the parents. He said that set a worse example than violence.

Talking back to parents, being disrespectful is the norm for some movies that are conveniently classified for child audiences. Children pick up behaviour patterns from negative influences such as these movies. Once respect is lost between the parent and the child, it is difficult to restore and restart.

There used to be a certain element of respect in every human relationship. Mutual respect was not spoken but acknowledged between the parties. In times gone by, one respected an agreement kept verbally. In the tradition of America’s old south, a gentleman’s handshake was his word, his agreement which was respected and honoured at all times. Respect in business and financial dealings is unfortunately not even taken into consideration in today’s world. Yet there used to be a time when all that mattered.

Excellent team player

In the work place, respect is to be earned, as everywhere else, but more importantly so because in the work environment where one spends the most amount of time, mutual respect contributes towards enhanced efficiency. When people work together as a team, respect is earned usually on performance, consideration for others, empathy and other factors which contribute towards making an excellent team player.

In a dog eat dog environment where selfish boundaries dim everything else, it sometimes is a tough call which takes a large dose of integrity and honesty.

Mutual respect

We usually take our cues as children and carry powerful memories all our lives. If as a child you have been taught or had been exposed to the concept of respecting others, you will carry it all your life. Respect for the law is also derives from such early values which teach you to be ethical and honest in all matters of life. One that respects others will automatically respect the boundaries formed in society.

Empathy and respect for others are the very foundations on which a society is built. Try using a public toilet - the degree of how dirty it is usually determined by the level of mutual respect and empathy the members of that community have for one another. The same goes for public transport systems. Or throwing of garbage. Respecting our environment, the right of others to co-exist in harmony are key factors that go a long way in making the world a better place.

In a nutshell, among the best of values we can pass on to the next generation, respect for all things rights, respect for the law, for the rights of others and for each individual, would strengthen the very foundation of society.

It is never too late to start. We can always start doing things the first time - start by respecting one another and it will go full circle and come back to you as respect well earned.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson put it succinctly, “Men are respectable only as they respect”.