Rivals

"I read your column last week," my friend casually commented.

I shifted my glance from my teacup in surprise. She was one out of a handful who knew I wrote 'Silver Tears'. But I could not imagine her, with her extremely tight schedules passing time examining my writing.

"So... What did you think of it?"

Naturally I was eager to know her opinion. She took time to answer. That was fine because I was patient enough to wait. Finally she looked back at me. Her expression had softened. Her thoughts seemed far away.

Before I start on her speech I should tell you a bit about my friend. I have not seen or had contact with her for ages. She was always on the go and hardly had time to answer an occasional text let along make a phone call.

But lately, she managed to get back to me. It has only been a few months when we renewed our contact. She was almost a stranger to me a few years back but much to my relief, I sensed the lighthearted nature of the school girl I knew nearly ten years ago.

The rest of this column is dedicated to her story. "You never know how difficult things are until you get to actually doing it. Priyanka was my rival ever since I stepped into the modelling field. She was but a few months senior to me, both in the field and in age. She was the showstopper in every show and the cover girl of every fashion magazine."

"Then her interests turned to other matters like acting. I succeeded her and was the new fashion sensation but I always had the nagging feeling that I had actually stepped into another's shoes. That feeling bothered me because I wanted an identity of my own."

"One day after a fashion show my agent introduced me to Mohan. He gave me a part in his new film. I did not hesitate to take the role because it had been one of my dreams to make it into acting. The project was competed. We were waiting for release dates. Coincidently Priyanka's first film too was scheduled to take off during this time. I was up against my rival again. I was under pressure for my film to become a hit. Fortunately both the films did tolerably well though they were not box office hits. However my part was as a supporting actress while she did the lead role."

"A few days later another director approached me. This time I was pitted against Priyanka in the story. She was the star and I the co-star. I would have said no to the project had it not been directed by one of the most popular directors in the country. That gave us our big break. We were stars overnight."

"Stardom has a price. It has its own pressures. Priyanka did not fare well because she was a bigger star. She got lead roles while I was mostly her co-star. She gave into the pressure and took to drinking and smoking. She was late for shoots and could not memorize her lines well. I confess that instead of helping her cope I actually egged her on..."

"One day Mr Vinod, our director came to me with the script. He wanted me to fill into Priyanka's role. I did not think twice but jumped at the chance. Priyanka disappeared from the scene. I soon realized the pitfalls of celebrity." "I had envied Priyanka. I myself took dire precautions to survive. When you are at the top you realize how alone you feel. There are many nipping at your heels to pull you down."

"I learnt bitter lessons but I had family by my side. I survived but there was always guilt bottled inside of me. I felt I was to blame for not helping Priyanka."

There was a pause in her monologue.

"One day, out of the blue I met her. She is a married and has a child. Her husband is abroad. She is still beautiful but acting and modelling was no longer for her. When we set eyes on each other she ran to me like I was a long lost friend. We chatted nineteen to dozen. After our departure I realized that maybe I have been too harsh on myself. I finally found it in me to forgive myself."

Shehara

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