Curse of credentials:

Raising Cain with the name game!

Gaston de Rosayro

Names are often indiscriminately thrust on children. Parents should be aware of the potential for embarrassment before christening kids with unusual names. In many cases parents do not consider the implications of names that could make a child a target of abuse and ridicule.

Then there are the 'Junior' titles which some people think are a paternalistic ego thing traced back to Neanderthal man. Many agree that there is nothing more caveman and territorial than a father not only giving his son his last name but feeling the need to mark his territory even further by thrusting his first and middle namesakes on him as well.

The Junior credits are unfair. Kids should have their own handles because they are individuals. In any event, at what point does Junior become elevated to Senior? It could be embarrassing to be languishing as Junior at sixty something when Senior is pushing over the hill at ninety, or possibly under it pushing up barbetons at Kanatte.

Certain names are quite acceptable until say, a girl with a perfectly ordinary moniker marries and as is customary goes under her husband's surname. Nearly everyone of my vintage is aware of the story of a pert young nurse named Beverly Roberts who attracted a great many suitors during her youth. She finally accepted the hand of a personable young planter named 'Punky' Hill. A month after the wedding another former admirer, unaware of Beverly's marital status, called at the hospital with a bouquet of flowers.

An attendant at the Kandy Hospital politely inquired as to whether he was visiting a patient. He replied that he was calling on the nurse, Miss Roberts. The know-all attendant informed him with a hilarious economy of words: "Roberts Missy thang mehe nehe. Roberts Missy giya masay Hill una."

Then there is my cousin Mala who married a medical doctor named Keheliya Marlon Uswattegedera. I was invited to propose the toast at the reception and mischievously decided to pepper it with a bit of a roast for good measure.

"Ladies and gentlemen, when two people with similar sounding names tie the knot it is no mere coincidence. Everything about the couple seems to correspond in precise harmony. Indeed, there appears to be a powerful cosmic bond between them where everything dovetails agreeably to provide all the requisites for a perfect partnership. So much so in fact, that even the astrologers were astonished at their compatibility. So please rise and raise your glasses...to Mala and Keheliya as I quote the exact words of the amazed astrologers who quipped: "Muller Keliya."

In my long career as a journeyman journalist, I have come across some of the most bizarre names that have made my head spin like a Murali doosra. I have worked in newsrooms that were peopled with names such as Barbara Dwyer, who we naturally called Barbed Wire, the horse racing correspondent in Singapore Russel Nales was nicknamed Rusty Nails.

A news reporter named Christine Cross, became quite cross when her colleagues referred to her as Chris Cross. Another was an attractive Canadian named Seymour Legge (See More Leg). Among my favourite students I encountered in Hong Kong as a visiting university lecturer in journalism, was a set of cute triplets named Faith, Hope and Charisma. I once had to stop an edition of a newspaper while on full print run to delete, not a mistake, but the actual byline of a writer. You will understand why when I reveal that her name was Gaye Hooker. There was also a schoolmate named Harry Balls, who we wickedly nicknamed 'Rambuttan'.

If you are the type who fancies going by your first name initials, do so by all means. But be warned that fame, or possibly notoriety, is often known to have followed many an intriguing name or suggestive credential. You have to have vision before tagging on initials that may prove inordinately indelicate even in the future. There was another schoolmate with the initials S H G U N Kodithuwakku, who was unkindly nicknamed 'Shotgun.' In a classic son-of-a-gun saga his first born was conferred the dubious appellation of 'Popgun.'

Again for instance, if your first name initials happen to read something such as A C you will have no problems for yourself initially, except for being inanely referred to as "Air-Con". But imagine the predicament your son would have to face when everyone you know begin addressing him as a son-of-an-aircon, or worse still, "AC gey putha!"