Testing the waters

I flip back a few weeks in my life and take a look at a chapter of ‘Silver tears’. This one was called unanswered prayers. I read the excerpts for there are many instances in which I was reminded of them these days.

I though you had not listened to my prayers but sometimes I wonder? Were you just taking your time? Were you studying which course I would take in this testing time of my life? There were many paths open for me. Some the rational way out, others the emotional roads to soothe the cankers of my heart and still others which would have been easy shortcuts to end the days of ordeal.

My prayers went something like this. I asked God to let me suffer as much as I can endure. Take away wordy comforts from me. Let me give up material goods for a harsher life for that was what I knew I had to bear should I be yours forever. Take everything from me except those living beings close to my heart.

I was not exactly born with a silver spoon in my mouth but life had treated me kindly. I am single child with doting parents who had led a comfortable middle-class life.

I held a passion for creativity so there was no question on which course my life took. Luckily I was able to convince my parents and they soon saw the goodness of life through my eyes.

They say artistes are sensitive to other’s sorrow. I really do not know if this is a universal truth. But stepping back and taking another look at myself I wonder’ There simply has to be some truth in this.

At times it was like a curse while at others it was a blessing. People poured their heart out to me because they knew that I felt their pain and that I would never let their hopes die. There were many instances when I was helpless but later I knew that just my presence was enough to give them comfort. Was I an angel of mercy? Then who would play Agony Aunt to me?

Life began to change. It took a harsh course. Comfort was replaced by difficulties. It was like a brief glimpse at life - a life I would have led with you.

It’s odd but this is the thought that kept me going. Every hurdle was like a trial. It was callous yet I conquered each barrier with bared teeth.

It has not been easy. There were many times I thought I’d give up. But thankfully you listened to my prayers. You did not take away those who gave me strength.

That was not a sacrifice I was willing to make for I would never be able to part with these ‘angels in disguise’.

I am not a prophetess. I do not know what waits at the end of this trial.

‘Life gives you answers in three ways,

Sometimes it says ‘yes’ and gives you what you want,

Sometimes it says ‘no’ and gives you something better,

Sometimes it says ‘wait’ and gives you the best.

Shehara [email protected]