Top five regrets of the dying
Bronnie Ware
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those
who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I
was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.People
grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.
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A dying person has many regrets |
I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some
changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as
expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually
acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed
though, every one of them.When questioned about any regrets they had or
anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and
again. Here are the most common five:1. I wish I'd had the courage to
live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of meThis was
the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is
almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many
dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a
half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices
they hadmade, or not made. It is very important to try and honor at
least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose
your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize,
until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard This came from every male patient
that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's
companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an
older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners.
All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives
on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and
making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the
income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life,
you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited
to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. Many people
suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. Many
developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment
theycarried as a result.
As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became
who they were truly capable of becoming. We cannot control the reactions
of others. However, although people mayinitially react when you change
the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the
relationship to a whole new and healthier level Either that or it
releases the unhealthy relationship from your life.Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends Often they would not
truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks
and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so
caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip
by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving
friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses
their friends when they are dying. It is common for anyone in a busy
lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your
approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do
want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not
money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to
get things in order more for the benefit of those theylove. Usually
though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all
comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that
remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier This is a surprisingly
common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a
choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called
'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as
their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and
to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed
to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.When you are on
your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind.
How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are
dying. |