Soft skills development for Business development:

Communicating effectively and influencing people

Dr. K. Kuhathasan CEO: Cenlead

Conversation is an oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions and ideas. In other words it is talking together of informal or familiar talk. It will be better if we start with the most frequently asked question as to who is a skilled conversationalist.

The answer in plain words is the one who takes part in conversation and asks interesting, relevant, pointed questions, speaks calmly and coolly, has a sense of good humour and knows how to pause and listen.

The golden rule is to ask questions which interest others. In case you do not know what interests others, it is desirable to ask about things that are known to excite the attention of every person.

You should always be guided by intellectual reasons rather than emotional ones. Further, you should be calm and cool when the opinions of others go against you. This attitude will be extremely helpful to you in winning others.

To lose your temper is a certain and definite way of losing your friends.

Never hurt the sentiments of others. Thus self-control, will-power and imagination can help you a lot in terms of popularity.

Good humour is an important ingredient of conversation. Try to induce and include something in your talk which is amusing. In fact, you must acquire the ability to relate seemingly disparate things so as to illuminate and amuse.

Sometimes statistical comment may be helpful, Always give a pleasant and encouraging appearance.

Five Ws in communication

You should note that there are five Ws in the communication process. “Who says what to whom through which channel with what effect.”

Effect on oral messages

Whether you are speaking to one person face to face or to a group in a meeting, personal appearance and the appearance of the surroundings covey non-verbal stimuli that affect attitudes - even emotions - toward the spoken words. Communication success can be profoundly influenced.

Vocal tone

One of the major differences between the spoken and written word is the addition of vocal tone, stress and emphasis. We can ‘say’ with a word and a look what it might take a sentence or more to write. For instance, an explosively interrogative ‘What?’ accompanied by a look of intense disbelief might need to be written as:

‘What are you saying? Can you really mean that? I have the utmost difficulty in believing you - in fact I don’t believe you!’

Moreover, we can completely change the meaning of words by the way in which we say them, not only by using the pauses and inflections which in writing are replaced by punctuation, but also by our intonation, which can change a reprimand into a joke, or an inoffensive phrase into a deadly insult.

The effect on spoken communication

It is clear that what we say is extensively affected by the way in which it is said, by body langauge, by mood and environment. Non-verbal communication can lead us to make judgements, to erect or destroy barriers. We can use it to create impressions of ourselves, or to change the impressions held by others.

It can supplement or even replace words; modify, change or reverse their meanings; clarify or confuse. Without doubt it is a crucial element in all face-to-face communication.

Focus

Elements in non-verbal communication

* Body language

* Vocal tone

* Space

* The senses

* Time

Behaviour Patterns

* The individual

* The group

The effect on spoken communication

* Judgment

* Barriers

* Supplement to words

* Alterations in meaning

Symbolic and non-verbal communication

Symbolic communication

* Clothing

* Hairstyle

* Make-up

* Choice of colour

Non-verbal

Communication

* Appearance

* Indicators of nervousness

* How we touch (handshake)

* How we carry our body

* Eye contact

* Facial expressions

Symbolic and non-verbal communication has four main features

a) It can replace speech

b) It can support speech

c) It can express attitudes, emotions and feelings

d) It can be instinctive or deliberate

Rules of good verbal communication

Don’t be a poor listener by:

* Labelling the subject as uninteresting

* Criticising the delivery of the speaker

* Getting over-stimulated

* Listening only for the facts

* Poor note-taking methods

* Creating distractions

* Evading difficult propositions

* Submitting to emotional assault

* Evaluation the speaker and not the message

* Stereotyping the speaker

Guidelines for the use of the body in speaking

* Posture. Stand erect but easily with the feet a few inches apart and with one foot slightly ahead of the other. Most of the time your weight should be on the foot which is behind the other. Let the arms hang naturally at your sides. (Occasionally shift the position of feet and hands). Do not droop over or cling to a desk, chair, or speaker’s stand.

* Eye movements. Make personal contact with the audience at once by talking directly to them. Look from one part of the audience to another so that everyone feels included. Seeing the response in the faces of individuals helps your thinking and speaking. Talking to a wall or out a window makes speech seem unreal and artificial.

* Breathing. Nervousness affects the breathing, and it in turn affects the voice; therefore, you should learn to inhale evenly and deeply through the mouth and to fill the lungs by forcing the stomach muscles, not simply the upper chest wall, in and out.

* Gestures. Although the hands are the chief agents in gesturing, and movements of the body that helps to emphasize or explain or to strengthen emotional effects is gesture. Do not make any unnecessary gestures; use them only when they will reinforce your words.

* Unnecessary body movements: Avoid movements and mannerisms that distract attention, such as the following:

* Folding and unfolding arms

* Seesawing or swaying

* Crossing one leg in front of the other

* Fastening and unfastening a button

* Fidgeting with some object

* Touching the face or hair

Learning activities in using the body

A. Demonstrate before the class the gestures that you would use to a accompany the following statements or others of your own choosing.

* Appeal. We must have your support!

* Fear. His eyes opened wide in terror.

* Emphasis. That single deed saved our nation.

* Tension. He gripped the steering wheel tightly.

* Motion. The plane flew in great loops.

* Resistance. He braced himself as the wall crumbled toward him.

* Welcome. Smiling, he invited me in.

Self-confidence and communication

You may have rated high in attitude, but if you do not have the confidence, all is lost. This exercise is designed to help you measure your self-confidence. Read the statements and mark ‘yes’ or ‘no.’

1. I can convert strangers into friends quickly and easily

2. I can attract and hold the attention of others even when I do not know them.

3. I love new situations

4. I’m intrigued with the psychology of meeting and building a good relationship with someone I do not know

5. I enjoy making a presentation to a group of executives

6. When dressed for the occasion, I have great confidence in myself.

7. I do not mind using the telephone to make appointments with strangers

8. Others do not intimidate me

9. I enjoy solving problems

10. Most of the time, I feel secure

If you have marked ‘yes’ for all the above statements, “you have developed high positive communication skills. Congratulations!

Final tips

Guidelines for oral communication

Be available

Other must have access to you. Better still, you must go out to others and among others

Be Person - Centred

Re sensitive to individual differences and group differences. Learn to differentiate. Communication in terms of the other person’s group’s needs, interests and concern.

Get the Receiver to tune in

It’s no good talking to a person if his mind is “Somewhere else.” Arouse attention by talking about common objectives from the very start. Talk in familiar terms.

No purpose is served by sending out television signals to a person who has only a radio set.

Adopt a friendly attitude

A cold or unfriendly

attitude inhibits good communication.

Use Audio-Visuals

Use as many senses as possible to get your story across. A multi-media approach is mutually reinforcing. The combined impact is not additive but multiplicative

Encourage questions

They help to clear up doubtful points

Test for understanding

Watch listener’s responses. If possible, ask listener to repeat in his own words.

Practise Good Listening

Listening is the most important idea on Oral Communication, yet it is the weakest point in most communications, especially managers. “Listen before speaking” is a sound principle

Improve Speaking skills

Typically, managers spend most of their time in oral communication. Learn how to speak effectively: it will pay dividends in many dimensions.