Sacrifice

“Don’t leave me in all this pain
Don’t leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away
I need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me...”

Toni Braxton’s song plays in the background. It goes with my sentiments. Time has been so unkind and life so cruel to some of us. We have lost our children, parents, spouses, siblings, friends and loved ones. We have gained in a single instance and lost a lifetime in a moment. It takes just a blink of an eye and a spur of a moment to make or break a life. Yet life rolls on.

The memories keep coming and you cannot hold on. In your ‘good’ moments when you thank God for the sacred memories. You have your ‘ok’ moments when you know that he is safe and well. But then comes the ‘nightmare’, the fleeting moments when you question why life has treated you so cruelly. The unbearable pain wracks through your body, through your heart, soul and shatters your emotions.

At such a time you would feel like doing anything to take away the pain - anything! Even death would have been a better choice. You wonder how you made it so far without the object of your affection and you wonder how far you would last without him.

Your heart breaks into a million pieces as you shed oceans of tears. It is a burning sensation which sets your whole body on fire. No matter where you are, be it the most beautiful place on earth, it is a living hell. Even if you are among thousands of people, your eyes still search for him. Your heart still weeps for his touch.

Slowly your thoughts console you. He is safe... He is happy... He is well... What more could you ask for if you love someone truly? No one else in the world loves him as much as you do but if your love is true, he will find his way back to you.

It is a sacrifice. But not just a simple sacrifice. It is a slow death. Your life loses meaning. You torment your heart till it feels like it has died - detached from your body. Then your mind takes over. It tells you that there is hope. All is not lost.

God challenges men to make them stronger. Why emotional pain, you might ask? Why not physical torment? Because bodily pain is much easier to bear for some of us. God has plans. Keep your faith in him.

He will flood you with tears but he will also send a ray of comfort.

You made a choice that only a few would have made. You will have a better conscience. That is all that matters.

But there are many instances when you have to keep on chanting this mantra to yourself. It is the surviving techniques of a broken heart.

- Shehara