A point of view:

Understanding womankind

Ransiri Menike SILVA

Though a woman and a senior citizen I do not empathise with or support inane ‘feminist’ activities like demanding equality for women etc. In fact I find them not only laughable but pitiable as well. This is not because I deny such issues exist but that taking into account the overall picture first is of greater importance.

First of all, who are these women activists? Their claim to be advocates of such issues through platform rhetoric is, in my opinion aimed more at getting themselves personal publicity than working genuinely for their less privileged sisters.

They generally come from a privileged strata of society with a background of social, economic and educational advantages with no practical knowledge or experience at grassroots level.

How can those who have not trod the earth with unshod feet feel the pain of a prick of thorn?

There is no denying the fact that inequality exists ... but it is a general malady present at all levels of society and not confined to women alone. As children and men are also affected in equal measure it is hypocritical to highlight only those of women while ignoring the others.

Equality is a basic right of all living beings but not a practical possibility. According to the Laws of Nature... the way things are and will always be ... everyone is equal, but different and this should first be understood and accepted before moving on.

Myopic Distortion

Being equal does not mean looking exactly alike or doing the identical thing as another. To think otherwise is a myopic distortation of reality misconstrued through ignorance.

In both the plant and animals worlds the two genders have been assigned two distinctive roles and been designated differing physical characteristics for the performance of the duties relevant to each.

Among animals it is usually the male who builds the home and brings in the food... the provider and protector. The role of the female is to bear the young, feed and care for them... the preceptor. Though different both roles are of equal importance.

Retention of Power

As Man emerged from the jungle and developed into a ‘civilized’ being, this primary lifestyle began to undergo a change with various groups branching out and spreading to form different ethnic communities whose cultural practices and spiritual beliefs were dictated (chiefly) by geographical considerations.

The developing social system roughly demarcated the expanding milieu into two basic categories, the rulers and the ruled. It was in this context that those in power, both lay and religious, created their own sets of rules in order to ensure the retention of power by an exclusive group.

Thus varying values based on individual religious beliefs and cultural practices developed among the different communities, and although some of them went against the Laws of Nature they were considered the norm by their followers.

What is sauce for the goose is not sauce for the gander and it should be borne in mind that what is practised in other cultures has no relevance to our own.

In fact even in one’s own country each ethnic group will follow its own practices and it is the height of arrogance for any one group to condemn another’s way of life or force them to alter their traditional way of thinking.

It is the failure of some privileged Sri Lankan women to grasp this important fact that is the main cause for all the puerile slogan shouting they indulge in because their feminist activities are built on misconceptions.

Women are stronger

By demanding equal status with men what do our women want? If the change is a physical one, then go ahead and make your own anatomical alterations.. no one will stop you! If it is in re-orientating their attitudes then search for the root cause first.

It is a proven fact that the two genders handle situations differently and that women are stronger than men in tackling both emotional stress and physical hardships. Is it not ridiculous then for the stronger gender to demand equality with the weaker and slide down to their level?

Though ours has been a patriarchal society all along the real power in the home is wielded by the mother. She attends to all housewifely and parental duties which is her forte while the father provides the shelter and income. Both roles carry equal importance though differing in implementation.

Among humans it is the mother’s responsibility to feed, care for and train her offspring, inculcating proper values in them before sending them away from her.

It is often her opinion that carries weight in the important decisions her husband makes. This traditional lifestyle changed with repeated foreign invasions when the local populace was influenced by alien cultures.

The British having arrived last caused the most lasting damage to our way of life. Puritanical Victorian values imposed upon the English people by the authoritative dictates of the Church of that time were shoved down our throats, with urban society readily adopting these alien values and lifestyle merely for the furtherance of their careers and not through genuine conviction.

It was in this context that the segregation of the sexes came into practice through the direct influence of Christian Missionary groups. It is regrettable that this unnatural practice is still being perpetuated in many quarters through sheer habit and lack of awareness.

I schooled with boys right from the beginning to develop a healthy relationship with all males whom I consider my equals. Then in my fourteenth year circumstances had me admitted to a girls’ school when I learned to my dismay how terrifyingly constricting were the walls built around the way of thinking in single gender schools.

Such children, of both sexes, grow up with a warped view of the opposite sex that becomes a life time burden, which contrasts vividly with the products from co-educational schools. I have had my feet firmly grounded in both camps; I know. In fact all female gatherings still tend to give me goose-pimples and I avoid them whenever possible.

As recorded history shows our women have always had equal status with men even before the advent of Buddhism. In her enlightening article “Home And Family In Ancient And Medieval Sri Lanka” (Island 2.08.2008), Kamalika Pieris reveals that even in medieval times our women were permitted to choose their own husbands but within the constraints of society.

There is also evidence to show that although a patriarchal society was in practice then, women were accorded considerable recognition had legal rights, could inherit property for herself and enjoyed freedom. They could even attend functions unescorted by a male family member.

The woman also retained her own family name after marriage as well as the property given to her. This is still the custom among those who do not adhere blindly to Western practices.

Taking on the husband’s surname after marriage is a Western concept which carries subtle nuances of the assertion of male superiority that ensures the husband’s control over his wife .... dregs of puritanical colonialism that we still feel obliged to carry along with us.

In recent years a new (pathetic) trend has cropped up where married women are using hyphenated surnames in, perhaps a belated attempt at asserting their individuality.

This is being done through ignorance and is ridiculous considering the fact that retaining the wife’s individuality is a traditional privilege which is still in practice.

Does adhering to tradition constitute a “godey” practice for these women or is it a subconscious desire on their part to empathise with our colonial past and rub shoulders (in an oblique manner) with the upper rungs of English society where hyphenated surnames ensure their exclusivity?

Sexploitation

It cannot be denied that ‘sexploitation’ takes place on an extensive scale and steps must be taken to drastically reduce if not eradicate this social malady. The root cause of this lies in the family background of the perpetrators of these crimes.

Tragically it is the mother herself who inculcates these noxious values of male superiority in the home from childhood.

It is also ironic that often the people who cause misery to women are women themselves .... over indulgent and possessive mothers/mothers-in-law; intolerant sisters/daughters in-law; the ‘third party’ in the break-up of a home; the housewife who employs and ill treats her (usually underaged) domestic worker; the mother who deserts her growing daughters to seek employment abroad (no excuse can be a good excuse); matrons of Girls’ Homes and Madams of brothels who prey on unsuspecting victims to promote prostitution... the list is endless.

It is wrong to dump the entire blame on men for the ‘sexploitation’ that takes place, especially with regard to what some sanctimonious women consider ‘unsavoury’ professions.

These choices have been made willingly by the women themselves (in the same spirit as some ‘ladies’ in high society also do in the privacy of their own privileged circles) or pushed into it by their ambitious mothers.

A lady I know quit her lucrative post in an Ad Agency unable to handle the emotional stress of dealing with the high percentage of suggestive nude photos of young girls accompanying their applications for a career in modelling ... sent in by their own mothers!

Injured innocence

Let us also not forget those seducers who trap prominent personalities for financial benefits and then cry “Rape”! When things go wrong. One such case hit the headlines some years back when some misguided feminists incited the actual perpetrator of the crime to take on the role of injured innocent.

This under-aged bundle of promiscuity won the case on a legal point regarding age but at the cost of airing in public all the lurid details of her repugnant behaviour that earned her not sympathy but disgust along with an unsavoury reputation as a life-long penance. Congratulations you women rights activities for doing such a superb job!

Let us now enter a bus. Everyone pays the same fare which entitles them to the same comforts and is comforts and it is outrageous to expect men to give up their seats to women.

My personal experiences and those of my elderly friends is that never, repeat never, have we been offered a seat by any woman (but oh! how sweetly they offer to carry our baggage on their laps!)

All the respect and concern we get are always from male commuters from all walks of life, some even as old as ourselves. Pregnant women, mothers with little children, the disabled, the sick, the elderly... all mysteriously by-pass the vision of comfortably seated women in general ... and all these decades I have been under the misconception that light travels in straight lines!

The large proportion of women workers in every field and at all levels is proof that we enjoy equality with men. We even presented the world with its first woman Prime Minister sending shock waves throughout the West. Our women picket the streets and pick pockets with agility... now would that be possible if gender equality was not in practice?

Politics hamper progress

Why do women need a higher percentage of representation in Parliament? Politics hamper progress with its accompanying favouritism, corruption and gross publicity with the added disadvantage of neglecting their own families. Genuine upliftment of their under privileged sisters can be achieved directly at ground level sans pomp, pageantry and publicity.

There are vast numbers of women’s groups, large and small, known and unknown who work tirelessly with genuine concern and compassion. Without shouting from platforms and giving highly publicised media briefings they spend their valuable time and money on real down to earth work.

Another indisputable fact is that a high percentage of men are driven to drink, drugs, financial corruption, extra-marital affairs and even domestic violence by the very women in their own lives. It is time for our sanctimonious feminists to a wake, dig up facts and get their perspectives in proper order.

And what about that hen-pecked man? He is laughed at by society and condemned to wallow in his own wretchedness when neglected, abused and beaten by his wife. Yes, husband battering takes place on an unbelievably wide scale while society adopts a “hear no evil: see no evil” attitude and sweeps it under the carpet.

What can that poor sod do? Run to his mother? to the police station to complain that HE is the victim of domestic violence? To a (still non-existent) male chauvinist support group for help?

Just think about that for a change lady when you next take to the streets with....

Placards in front of you,
Placards behind you’
Placards on top of you,
Screaming blue murder.