The UN is dishing out lunacy, idiocy and knee-slapping humour!

I thought it was just Ban Ki-moon and the chief of the panel he’s appointed recently, one Marzuki Darusman, who didn’t know if they are coming or going. Ki-moon said it was just a committee tasked to advice him on things pertaining to Sri Lanka. He said, through his representative, that there would be no investigation. Darusman says (magnanimously) that the panel will ‘also’ investigate the LTTE, as though he would be doing us some big favour. The LTTE is past tense and we don’t need some ill-advised dabblers to tell us the ‘truth’ about the LTTE. We already know.

Ki-moon’s representative, when announcing the panel and in response to questions from the media, has categorically stated that the panel does not have the authority to investigate or even visit Sri Lanka. Darusman on the other hand clearly uses the word ‘investigate’. Someone’s very confused here. One of the two, i.e. Ki-moon or Darusman is so dumb that he ought to resign immediately or else be kicked out unceremoniously.

On the other hand, we have that ace trouble-maker and Tiger-lover, Eric Solheim, trying to tell us that ‘thousands of lives could have been saved if the LTTE agreed to surrender’ before the leadership was finally eliminated.

Solheim says that had the LTTE been agreeable, the surrender would have been overseen by a special UN force. Well, first of all, Solheim’s opinion constitutes toilet wash, given his considerable history as a promoter of terrorism. Secondly, given that the UN Secretary General is muddle-headed in thinking, moronic in appointment and given to act like executive and not the administrator that he is, I dread to think what such a mechanism would have entailed.

Just imagine Ki-moon and Solheim overseeing surrender by the latter’s pals! Solheim, even as the LTTE killed ‘thousands’ did nothing to ‘save lives’. Instead he rewarded the killers through his Government, the kingdom (yes, not democracy) of Norway. At the end of the day killers such as Pulidevan, Nadesan, Prabhakaran, Pottu Amman and Charles Anthony would have been roaming around plotting to set off bombs and killing thousands of innocent people and when that day dawned guess who will be left carrying the baby. Solheim? Ki-moon? No, the near and dear of the dead!

Solheim is Solheim. Tiger-lover to the end, we can’t expect any logic to come from this individual’s mouth. Sri Lanka was his toy. The key word is ‘was’. He was Chandrika Kumaratunga’s favourite and later Ranil Wickremesinghe’s bosom buddy. He’s lost his toy and therefore his whines are quite understandable, poor boy. The world, however, is full of Solheims and Ki-moons, it seems. Another ‘wise guy’, Mark Toner, the Deputy Spokesman (we are told) of the US State Department, has expressed the support of the USA for this panel.

Ever since Robert Blake started partying with apologists for the LTTE in Colombo, Uncle Sam’s position on Sri Lanka has been one of doing whatever possible to undermine the effort to vanquish terrorism.

We’ve had Barack Obama sound like the idiot that he is not and Hillary Clinton being, well, Hillary Clinton quite thick and happy in what her President once said was ‘the season of silliness’. Coming from a country whose leaders have perfected the art of genocide, double standards, myopia and selective amnesia, I suppose Toner could do no better. Still, his ignorance stands out too starkly to escape comment.

Toner urges Sri Lanka to ‘take advantage of this team...take advantage of their offer.’ The fool has not been briefed and doesn’t seem to understand the importance of doing the basics in terms of getting facts straight. There is nothing on offer here, Toner and therefore nothing to ‘take advantage’ of. Quite apart from the fact that the head of the panel is a blundering jackass who hasn’t read his job description and who was part of a team of ‘experts’ who proved they were easily purchased by the pro-LTTE lobby in Colombo, Toner doesn’t understand that the panel’s mandate is to brief Ki-moon and not make a list of goodies for the people of Sri Lanka.

However, since Toner represents a powerful country with considerable arm-twisting ability, he could get Ki-moon to actually offer some goodies to Sri Lanka. Got me thinking.

Toner can tell Ki-moon that Sri Lanka could do with a lot of help. We really need a lot of disinfectant, mops, detergents, deodorizers and other equipment and accessories pertaining to clean floors, bathrooms, sinks etc., because every two weeks or so we have a bunch of idiots who can’t hold their liquor vomiting it all out all over the place.

We need to be offered some moron-testing devices that we can use to filter out idiots who are frequently sent to Sri Lanka to look around with half-closed eyes and then to talk through their what-not as though they have a clue about what’s happening, what happened and what might happen.

One more offer, please, Toner. Can you ask Obama to start moving things so that his pals can come up with a brand new award, a Nobel or an equivalent, to celebrate and honour humour? We really need a Nobel Prize for Clowning. If Obama could get a Nobel Prize for Peace for doing jack-all, then he might as well get one for being a joker, except that we have someone who is far more worthy of award, recognition and many pats on the back and slaps on the thighs. Toner, do the honours. Offer us the (comic) relief of having our friend and benefactor, Ban Ki-moon being given the Nobel Prize for Clowning. He deserves it.

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