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Friday, 25 June 2010






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Ban Ki-moon, dude, ctfd!!!

Ban Ki-moon is a sweet man. I know, I know, he’s given to a bit of mumbling now and then, practices double-standards, has selective memory and tends to go off the edge more often your average UN Secretary General, but then again, no one is really perfect. I mean, we live in a world chock-full of Navi Pillais, Phil Alstons, Louis Arbours, David Milibans, Bernard Kouchners, Darrel Hairs and Rajiv Gandhis.

The news that Ki-moon has gone ahead and appointed a three-person committee to advise him on matters pertaining to Sri Lanka is music to my ears. I can hear people screaming that this is outrageous, that he’s interfering in the affairs of a sovereign nation and is blundering along like a bull in a china shop. I know that there is not a shred of evidence of any wrongdoing on the part of the Sri Lankan Security Forces to warrant this kind of high-handed action and holier-than-thou posturing.


He’s long-sighted too, I know. Sri Lanka, so far away from Geneva and New York, but he sees this island so well, indeed ‘too well’ for he’s seen the non-existent. Gaza, Guantanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib are comparatively just around the corner, but he can’t see. Even Afghanistan is closer. Kashmir too. He can’t see these unhappy places. And we are not talking about the ‘proof’ offered by terrorists and terrorist-lovers and even this utterly, utterly flimsy, unlike footage and photographs that are so beyond-the-shadow-of-doubt that people like Barack Obama are desperate to hide them (they are not denying the truth, one notes). He’s human, this Moon dude.


Barack Obama

All this reminds me of a story I heard about a cricketer. He was on an ‘A’ Team tour of some country. His pals had, with his consent, arranged for a ‘lady’ to visit his room. They had gone further. They had conspired with his roommate to arrange things so that all of them could watch ‘the show’. In the middle of it all, someone had giggled. Our man had been livid. He had found himself surrounded by a bunch of senior players who were also bigger than he. There had been one, a spinner from Kurunegala who was smaller and junior. Romeo had beaten this boy black and blue.

Poor guy

Moon has been caught with his pants down so many times, he really needs to prove his ‘manhood’ by somehow getting someone else to drop his/her pants and get whipped. Poor guy. It’s an ego thing, ladies and gentlemen.

Now Israel, that ‘chosen’ land, has violated innumerable UN resolutions regarding ‘acceptable international norms in treating those in occupied territories’ unlike Sri Lanka, which carried out the biggest ever hostage rescue operation in remembered history. No UN agency has ever passed any resolution censuring Sri Lanka. On the contrary, the Human Rights Council of the United Nations has formally adopted a resolution commending Sri Lanka for the promotion and protection of human rights. Moon has not been briefed, shame on you, you UN-Chief-Briefers!

Definition and meaning

Let’s get some perspective here. I am not sure if Moon or Alston or anyone else who have been afflicted with this bad-bad bug have subscribed to the relevant outfit that e-mails a randomly selected word from something called ‘The Urban Dictionary’ with definition and meaning, but my friend Errol Alphonso forwarded me one which I believe is apt.

The word for June 23, 2010 was ‘ctfd’. ‘That’s an acronym Errol,’ I wanted to say but stopped myself because I remembered that we live in shortened-form times when we are made to feel that UN, ADB, IMF, WB, WTO, USA, UK, USAID, HRW, AI etc., should be household words hung over kitchen sink and toilet bowl for us to nod at and genuflect before every time we need to throw up.

For now, it appears like the most appropriate antidote, a veritable IPM devise (that’s ‘integrated pest management), a neat little pin-prick to conscience and/or buttock (I am sure they don’t know which is which).

The Urban Dictionary gives word, meaning and application and suggested, ‘Dude, ctfd’. Moon, dude, ctfd! You too Pillai, ctfd. Alston, are you listening? Ctfd bro. We know there’s a bad bug doing the rounds, but this jumping around is unbecoming. Just ctfd, people. There’s a here-and-now thing that needs your expertise. It is called ‘OIL SPILL’. SPILLING if you want to be picky. We are ok, really. So let me say, softly, with tenderness and love: ctfd. Spread the word.

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