Premil Ratnayake reminisces...

Lake House: Then and now:

'Monkey drinking chilly water!'?

The phrase belongs to the late Clarence 'Bua' Fernando. He invented and copyrighted it. Though it has the appearance and sound of a Portuguese left over, dressed in frivolity, the term is not something esoteric. It refers to a person who tries to indulge in something he cannot do. A reporter at the News Desk who sits at a typewriter for the first time fumbles with the machine not knowing what to do next: he is like a 'monkey drinking chilly water!'

Years ago Bua and I went to cover an event where a distinguished man was due to give a public oration. The man was no orator; perhaps he was forced to make a speech. From the start he was at a loss for words; he was labouring, pausing struggling with the speech. Bua turned to me guffawed as mutely as he could and cried: "Monkey drinking chilly water!" I stifled my laughter.

When Mervyn de Silva was appointed Editor of the Daily News, he brought Clarence Fernando from the Observer as his deputy. Thereafter Bua ran the show at the CDN - he did everything. No reporter would malinger because they dreaded Bua. Of course he was not a harsh man though he berated them very often. He wanted the work done - and done meticulously and on time. Time was an important factor in newspaperism. In the morning he breezed in to the CDN news room, hissed copiously, put his rosary in the drawer and shouted for peon Ackman - "Lamayo"... Ackman knew what to do. He had to bring Bua a well-sharpened pencil. Bua edited news copy with a pencil. Then he ordered the reporters to crowd around him - no formal conference just a light-hearted chat. "Now you look SOB... go to such and such a place and fetch this story... and you go do the story I tell you. You write the way I tell you... I don't want Hemingway fiction. Just the cold story straight from the horse's mouth."

Then Bua sat back and laughed. His morning started with some good heavy laughter. There was the talk that Mervyn wanted to celebrate his appointment with a little tea party. Bua protested vociferously. No, the new editor must give a dinner party at a Chinese hotel with booze thrown in. Mervyn had no choice but to agree. The party was held on a Saturday evening when everybody in the CDN was not working. Mervyn came with his wife Lakshmi and little son Dayan. Of course it was a typical rumbustious, riotous party of Daily Newsmen. Mervyn was nervous all the time. He was not a good mixer. Bua played the host, annoyed everybody and laughed. Bua tore off the shirt buttons of Gamini Weerakoon and his wife Rajitha had to rush in to fix it - I don't know how. Gamma did not care; he was well sozzled. Mervyn left early; Bua was singing. Nobody ate until the last bottle was consumed.

Believe it or not, there was a strike at the trade union office of the Ceylon Mercantile Union (CMU) in Upper Chatham Street, Fort. A stenographer working for the CMU chief Bala Tampoe went on a fast at the TU office demanding his annual increment which he claimed was denied by Tampoe. He sat in a cubicle with posters hanging around him and banners proclaiming his trade union action. Bala in his characteristically sangfroid fashion ignored it. I scooped the story which was too sensational to be ignored. When I broke it to Bua he was thrilled. "Get a bloody picture - and fast."

I told Bua it was very tricky to get a picture at the volatile CMU headquarters. "Never mind," he scoffed and summoned Douglas Diaz, a timid photographer. Now CMU headquarters was a place crowded by harbour workers who were veritably, hard-fought thugs. Douglas Diaz was scared to step in and told me so but he would't say so to Bua. Poor Dougie came to me in tears... "Please save me". I told Bua I would send Dougie in to the CMU headquarters with his camera well concealed. I would sit at the Dominion Hotel directly opposite the CMU and monitor the proceedings and if there was some trouble rescue Dougie. All agreed. Of course I told Bua I needed cash to entertain myself at the Dominion.

Bua gave me the cash. Dougie with great apprehension climbed the stairs to the CMU headquarters. I sat on the top floor of the Dominion and very extravagantly ordered a chilled beer. A minute later I saw Dougie racing down the stairs. He ran to Bua and told him that he was mortally frightened to go in. Bua cursed and yelled at Dougie, "you SOB you either get that picture or go straight home."

Dougie in tears walked back to CMU headquarters. I was still sipping the beer. About an hour later I saw Dougie walk down the CMU steps grinning. He had succeeded in his camera adventure. I called Dougie to share some of the beer but he refused. He wanted to rush to Bua to break the news. Bua laughed happily and congratulated Dougie. But Dougie had a fervent request to make. Would Bua give him a by-line for the picture? "Are you nuts, you SOB?" Bua screamed. You took that picture stealthily. And now you want the entire CMU membership to come and slaughter you?" The story and the picture appeared next day - without our by-lines.

Finally Bua was made the Editor of the Daily News. It was like a fresh wind blowing. Bua danced in to the editor's room but did not just sit there. His forte was news and he was soon back at the old News Desk he loved so much. Bua was back at the game. Reporters were running helter skelter. All knew this was a different type of editor - not the conventional type, who wrote an editorial and drove to the Taprobane for a quick beer. Of course Bua was no TT but he drank only in the evening after the paper was put to bed.