Remembering Joan de Mel

Founder of Sumithrayo :

We at Sumithrayo fondly remember our Mentor, Mother and Founder Joan de Mel who passed away on 27th December, 2008 in Colombo at the age of 87 years, leaving behind her daughter Penny & son Nick.

Joan, the widow of a British Army Officer came to Sri Lanka in 1971 to marry Bishop Lakdasa de Mel. Five years of abundantly blessed & happy marriage convinced her that Sri Lanka was her home where she claimed to have lived with her natural elements, with the large family of the Bishop and many warm hearted Sri Lankan friends.

Persuaded

Energetic and totally committed Joan was persuaded into starting a Branch of Befrienders International in Sri Lanka, by none other than Chad Varah- the founder of the Worldwide Organisation called “The Samaritans” which helps those who are desperate, depressed, and lonely and contemplate suicide.

Joan has worked as a “Samaritan” in London. Knowing too well that it is a daunting prospect for a foreigner especially in a strange land and culture, Joan spent sleepless nights amidst insurmountable odds with disheartening results.

Then Dr. Hugh, physician of Joan’s husband (Bishop) rekindled her interest when he inquired one day, whether there is any place in England which the suicidal can seek contact to be dissuaded from committing suicide, as Dr. Hugh had to deal with four attempted cases of suicides admitted to his ward that day. At that time there were no proper statistics on suicides in Sri Lanka.

Why England? Why not here? Joan went back to her initial idea. So, Joan seriously commenced her project with a new energetic steering committee comprising Dr. Wijerama, Mansoor and Nalini mapping out various plans like obtaining a suitable building, telephones, and volunteers of the appropriate blend of race, character and abilities with effective training. Formalities to register as a charitable organisation was taken into hand.

Sri Lanka Sumithrayo was established as a probationary branch of Befriender’s International in 1974 despite diverse frustrations and anxieties confronted during the course, but were overcome and managed with the encouragement and enthusiastic support of her husband, friends and well-wishers.

The name Sumithrayo was chosen after careful consideration to mean “Best Friends” which seemed similar to Befrienders. With Sri Lanka Sumithrayo (SLS). coming to reality, Joan’s dreams of a peaceful retirement in her adopted country was shattered and transformed into a busy, hectic and active schedule helping out Sumithrayo. It is noteworthy and highly appreciable that she continued as a volunteer at Sumithrayo like any other volunteer till her last, which act portrayed her unstinted commitment to the cause, age being no barrier!

Unkempt

Tender loving care is what Sumithrayo offers. Think what it means! Someone who is unpleasant, perhaps unkempt or aggressive, certainly difficult to love, is cared for so tenderly by an unknown volunteer friend at Sumithrayo. It obviously transforms them to regain their stature in their own eyes, which in turn makes them feel that their immediate burdens are lessened and they have a friend in need to support.

Joan’s husband Bishop Lakdasa de Mel, passed away peacefully after a brief illness in 1976 with contentment & satisfaction having given his wholehearted support to the establishment of Sumithrayo. We Sumithrayos are extremely grateful to him for being the prop and force behind Joan and also for giving his valuable land subsequently for the functioning of SLS.

Joan being a contributor of various articles to newspapers and church magazines, authored her first book as a catharsis soon after her husband’s death, titled “Lakdasa de Mel: God’s Servant, World Citizen’s Son”, which was widely circulated and well received.

Caring

Joan also authored another book “Closer than a Brother” the title of the book itself is a quotation from ‘Proverbs’ of the “Holy Bible” which emphasises that the Sumithrayo exists, to offer caring and genuine friendship to those who are overwhelmed by their personal problems. She has portrayed honestly how Sumithrayo was given birth inspite of the uncertainties of its early days, and of the hopes, ideals and enthusiasm that have ensured its continuation and development upto the present day.

Befriending is the essence of the service. Sumithrayo which started off with 25 volunteers offering services only 3 days a week, have now grown with more than 100 trained volunteers from all walks of life. Sumithroyo is open to callers on all 365 days of the year including holidays between 9 a.m. to 8 p.m daily. Sumithrayo has 11 branches including a Drug Demand Reduction Program - Mel Medura and a Rural Out Reach Unit.

More than 150 persons in distress contact the Colombo Branch every week. They visit/telephone/write/e-mail seeking solace for their pressing worries & anxieties, through a trained Befriender/Volunteer with whom confidentiality is paramount.

Suicide

Coping skills is a very important aspect. When pain exceeds resources for coping with pain, suicide is contemplated. Suicide is never chosen; it is the desire to stop living rather than a wish to die! For most, suicidal thoughts remain just as thoughts only. It is when they feel that they have no one who is close enough and be trusted to help with their problems, ending their life seems the only option. At times like this talking about their stressful situation with a non-judgemental, accepting, understanding and caring person can throw a different light on the situation and will certainly diffuse the suicidal impulse. With Help comes Hope.

In other words when they have negative feelings whether they show it out or not, for e.g., anxiety, sorrow, worries, desperation, fear, etc., over any situation they are currently facing, they need informal and confidential emotional support as a safety valve.

Abuse

It may be due to any recent loss or break up of a close relationship; current or anticipated change in health conditions; alcoholism, drug abuse; mental illness; any other stress situations particularly where there is a family history of suicide or even a previous attempt.

Such people often may show their feelings by: being withdrawn and unable to relate to others; talking about feelings of isolation and loneliness; expressing feelings of failure, uselessness, lack of hope or lack of self- esteem, constantly dwelling on problems for which there seem to be no solutions; or even having definite ideas on how to commit suicide. So why not talk? Talking helps.

One need not be suicidal to contact Sumithrayo. Also, it is not an institution that caters only to the poor and the needy. Persons with emotional needs can be from any walks of life, rich or poor, employed or unemployed, irrespective age. All are treated alike and the key factor is assured confidentiality. No financial or other obligations are imposed on the callers. It is a free service provided by Sumithrayo who are not denominational, religious, political or ideological.

We sumithrayos are ever grateful for her invaluable contribution to humanity. May she find eternal peace.

Sri Lanka Sumithrayo - Colombo Branch

60B Horton Place, Colombo-7

A Govt Approved Charity

A member of Befriender’s Worldwide - The International arm of Samaritans UK and Ireland.

For any further details contact Colombo Branch office on 011 2692909 / 011 2683555 / 011 2696666.

Email: [email protected] /[email protected]

Website: www.sumithrayo.org