Life is bare as bone

The disciple was closely observing the purl of the waters. But his mind was elsewhere, master knew.

“Something worries you, my son.”

“I am thinking about insanity and creativity. It’s an article I saw last week. Wonder how creativity is linked with insanity.”

“Then get ready. We will be seeing Virginia Woolf in 1925 shortly.”

“I need to do some research on her. I have no idea who she is.”

“You will know, my son.”

Master peddled the boat so fast. And the scene shifted into an Victorian environment even before the disciple could imagine anything.

Both saw the middle aged woman appear. Virginia recognised master.

“Master, seven years since we met?”

“Yes last time in London. You have a good memory”

“That’s because I really care to remember faces. You are with a student.”

“I am teaching him literature. I wanted him to see you to teach the link between insanity and creativity.”

Virginia smiled, it was a faint one. She seemed as if she want to narrate the whole story of her life.

“That’s a long story, master. I have written down them as memoirs. I always loved reading and writing memoirs, you know. I named it ‘A Sketch of the Past’. I am not sure if I should publish it. Perhaps I wouldn’t. Sometimes only literature was my comfort when I had my usual nervous breakdown. I had a good literary family background. My father Leslie Stephen was an author as well as a mountaineer. My mother Julia dealt with artistic world. So I may have had it in my genes.”

“But you were suffering all throughout, weren’t you?”

Virginia heaved a sigh.

“Yes I had a troubled childhood. I have been fighting with my emotions all throughout my life. Because I couldn’t live on the standard life they expect on me.”

“You mean the lesbian relationship between you and Vita even when you were married to Leonard?”

“Must be so. Who knows, you cannot judge your own life.”

Virginia sat relaxed to read out what she has written in her essay ‘A Sketch of the Past’. She wanted pour out her stream of consciousness.

“Once when I was very small Gerald Duckworth lifted me onto this, and as I sat there he began to explore my body. I can remember the feel of his hand going under my clothes; going firmly and steadily lower and lower. I remember how I hoped he would stop; how I stiffened and wriggled as his hand approached my private parts.”

Master and disciple were listening silently. On what to progress, they knew not. Virginia set the book aside.

“That experience never left me alone. Never. Anyway the relationship between Leonard and I was basically based on our similar thoughts and philosophy. Leonard knew this episode and we both expanded our Hogarth Press to make sure we don’t have to submit our works to be published in my half-brother Duckworth’s company. It was an experience of horror. I am so grateful to Leonard. We had only a few major differences.”

“Such as…?” Inquired the disciple.

“Leonard liked Ceylon very much. But I did not. I didn’t want him to grow old with those darkies.. Leonard had to come back. Yes he had to... because of me.”

“But people think you both had many conflicts.”

“No I don’t think so. In literature we were almost perfect. Even in our personal life, he was so helpful at times of my psychological breakdown. He was so patient, when I go depressing and frustrating. I don’t think even Lytton Strachey would have tolerated such moments. Unlike Strachey, Leonard was a reserved guy. That’s why I preferred him even though he was a ‘penniless Jew’.”

“You founded Hogarth press?”

“We did. But none of us wanted to make it quite a big deal. We wanted to maintain it small so then we can publish the books we like. We published the books of T. S. Eliot, Laurens van der Post and others. I was suffering from neurasthenia. It was a medical term that desribed headaches, irritability and fatigue. Well I had to get used to that but I was so often under an emotional stress. I found it difficult to sleep. I started hearing voices. Sometimes I see my dead mother roaming in my room.”

“You are tired?”

“Sort of yes. But pouring out all these emotions is in a way very soothing.”

“You are considered as a major lyrical novelist.”

“Yes people do say that. I don’t know but writing is my medium of blurting out my emotional distress. It’s a good way to let go of my insanity at times. That’s why I come across with unusual settings.”

“Ok then, thanks Virginia for sharing time with us. We have to go now.”

“Thanks for visiting me, master. Sometimes I really do like to share my ideas with others. That’s why we formed Bloomsbury Group too.”

“I like to know a little about the group before setting off.” Disciple said.

“Following my studies I came to know Lytton Strachey, Clive Bell, Rupert Brooke, Saxon Sydney-Turner, Duncan Grant, and Leonard. We formed the Bloomsbury Group to have intellectual discussions. But we had our setbacks too. Dreadnought Hoax is one. I have included that experience in my memoirs.” Said Virginia smilingly.

[email protected]

..................................

<< Artscope Main Page