Islam

A husband's responsibilities - an Islamic aspect

Sawmeer

The family is that brick which forms the foundation of a society. It is composed of individuals that have permanent relations established between them. Most importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the different kinds of personal relations. Because of this, there must be certain etiquettes placed in order to control and regulate these relations.

This is such that it can be maintained in the best possible manner, so that it can generate and produce its proper fruits. Family relations consist of the relationship between the spouses from one perspective, the relationship between the parents and the children from a second perspective, and the relationship between the children themselves from a third perspective.

Etiquettes pertaining to the Husband

1. It is not from the deficiencies, but rather from good manners, that the husband shares in the responsibility of specified matters, such as the mending of garments or what is similar to that.

2. It is appropriate for a man to not restrict himself from serving himself.

This is since the wife takes care of the household affairs. So therefore, it is from good manners that the husband extends a helping hand to his wife in the house, during times of necessity, such as when she is sick, pregnant, has given birth or similar to that.

3. The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by bearing good relations and showing kind manners (to her), according to the full extent of the meaning contained in these (last) two expressions. Truly, the husbands who are best at working alongside their wives are the best of mankind in the view of Islam.

4. Beware of characterising the relationship between the spouses with over-seriousness! For indeed characterizing the family life with a militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad results.

5. From the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies and assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not forbidden in Islam.

6. The husband should specify a time in which he can play around and pass free time with his wife.

7.The relationship between the spouses must contain one singular and specific nature. And it cannot be this way unless the couple begin demolishing all the obstacles and impediments that stand between them. For example, the husband should not feel timid and restrain himself from drinking out of the same cup that his wife drinks out of.

8. There is no human being that is perfect. So there is no doubt that the husband will see things in his wife that do not comply with his natural disposition and preferences.

If these aspects are not in opposition to the fundamentals of Islam or to the obedience of the husband and his rights, then at that point, he should not try to change her personality. He should also remember that if there are some characteristics that he doesn't find pleasing in his wife, then indeed she has other characteristics, which are definitely pleasing to him.

9. Do not let Ramadhaan be a barrier that impedes you from showing affection to your wife. But this is so long as you are able to refrain yourself, since what is forbidden during the days of Ramadhaan is only sexual intercourse. Showing affection to one's wife during Ramadhaan can be done during the night and if during the day (while they are fasting).

10. Do not chase after the small errors of your wife and recount them to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the two of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital life.

11. If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with good clothing and food, and from being generous in spending money on her. This is of course according to the extent of your ability.

12. Do not give little importance to implementing the punishment required for any acts in opposition to the Islam, which your wife has committed, whether it is in the home or outside it. This should be the only reason that causes you to become angry.

13. What has been stated previously does not mean that you should leave matters alone until that result comes to happen. Thus, whenever you realize that a matter is left alone, weigh it with seriousness and determination, without being too harsh or rude about it.

14. Do not attempt to meddle into your wife's housework affairs that do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the food and the order of the house because woman likes to put their personal touch on the house (her kingdom).

15. Beware of scolding your wife or blaming her for a mistake she committed, in the presence of others, even if they are your own children. For indeed that is an act that goes against correct behaviour and it will lead to raising anger in the hearts of people.

16. If you are forced to place punishment upon your wife after having adviced her and she didn't respond, then let it be by staying away from her at bedtime. And do not boycott her except that it is done within the household. And avoid using foul language, insulting her, beating her and describing her with repulsive names.

17. Having jealousy and caring about the bashfulness of your wife is a praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her.

However it is on the condition that you do not go to great extremes in this jealousy.

For then at that point, it would turn into something worthy of no praise.

18. Entering the house: Do not alarm your family by entering upon them suddenly. Rather, enter while they are aware of it, and greet them with Salaam. And ask about them and how they are doing. And do not forget to remember Allaah, the Mighty and Sublime, when you enter the house.

19. Beware of spreading any secrets connected with the intimate encounters you have with your wife, for that is something restricted and forbidden.

20. Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening of your breath.

21. Guardianship of your wife doesn't mean that you can exploit what Allaah has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you harm and oppress her.

22. Showing respect and kindness to your wife's family is showing respect and kindness to her. This applies on the condition that it is not accompanied by an act forbidden in Islam, such as intermingling of the sexes or being in privacy (with them).

23. Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you.

24. Be prompt in fulfilling the conditions, which you promised to your wife during the pre-marriage agreement.

25. When you lecture your wife or reprimand her or simply speak to her, choose the kindest and nicest of words and expressions for your speech.

26.It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside of the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.

27. Do not overburden your wife with acts that she is not able to handle. Consider, with extreme regard, the environment she was raised up in.

Rural service is not like urban service, and the service of a strong woman and her preparation for it is not like the service of a weak woman.

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Significance of dates

Inthikab Zufer

Muslims generally break their fast by eating dates. Prophet Muhammad (Pbuh) is reported to have said: "if anyone of you is fasting, let him break his fast with dates. In case he does not have them, then with water. Verily water is a purifier."

The Prophet used to break his fast by eating some dates before offering Maghrib prayer, and if ripe dates were not available, he used to substitute them with some dried grapes. When they too were not available, he used to have a few sips of water, according to some reports. Modern science has proved that dates are part of a healthy diet. They contain sugar, fat and proteins, as well as important vitamins. Hence the great importance attached to them by the Prophet.

Dates are also rich in natural fibres. Modern medicine has shown that they are effective in preventing abdominal cancer. They also surpass other fruits in the sheer variety of their constituents. They contain oil, calcium, sulphur, iron, potassium, phosphorous, manganese, copper and magnesium. In other words, one date is a minimum of a balanced and healthy diet. Arabs usually combine dates with milk and yoghurt or bread, butter and fish. This combination indeed makes a self-sufficient and tasty diet for both mind and body. Dates and date palms have been mentioned in the Holy Qur'an 20 times, thus showing their importance. The Prophet likened a good Muslim to the date palm, saying, "Among trees, there is a tree like a Muslim. Its leaves do not fall."

Sayyidah Mariam (the Virgin Mary) mother of Jesus (Pbuh) had dates as her food when she felt labour pains and during confinement. They are definitely the "crown of sweets," and ideal food which is easy to digest, and within half an hour of taking it, the tired body regains a renewed vigour. The reason for this is that a shortage of sugar in the blood is the main factor that makes people feel hungry and not an empty stomach as is often assumed. When the body absorbs the nutritional essence of a few dates, the feeling of hunger becomes appeased. When one breaking the fast with dates takes some other food afterwards, he cannot eat much. It would seem that breaking the fast with dates then helps one avoid excessive eating.

Experiments have also shown that dates contain some stimulants that strengthen the muscles of the uterus in the last months of pregnancy. This helps the dilation of the uterus at the time of delivery on one hand and reduces the bleeding after delivery on the other. Dieticians consider dates as the best food for women in confinement and those who are breast-feeding. This is because dates contain elements that assist in alleviating depression in mothers and enriching the breast-milk with all the elements needed to make the child healthy and resistant to disease. The Prophet (Pbuh) has emphasized the importance of dates and their effectiveness in the growth of the fetus. He has also recommended they be given to women. Modern dietary institute now recommend dates to be given to children suffering from a nervous nature or hyperactivity. The Prophet (Pbuh) has also recommended dates as a medicine for heart troubles, according to some reports. Modern science has also proved the effectiveness of dates, in preventing diseases of the respiratory system.

Sayyidah Ayisha, (R.A.) wife of Prophet (Pbuh), used to prescribe dates for those suffering from giddiness. It is now well-known that a fall in the level of the sugar in the blood and low blood pressure are among the causes of giddiness. She was also reported to have used dates combined with cucumber to treat her over-slim condition! She said, "they've tried to fatten me giving me everything. But I did not become fat. Then they fattened me with cucumber and ripe dates and I gained!" Ayisha was quite correct, as we now know that one kilogram of dates contains nearly 3,000 calories which alone are sufficient to supply the minimum daily requirements of an active man for one full day.

Dates are rich in several vitamins and minerals. When the level of trace elements falls in the body, the health of the blood vessels is affected leading to an increased heart-rate and a consequent inability to perform its function with normal efficiency. As dates are also rich in calcium, they help strengthen the bones. When the calcium content in the body decreases, children are affected with rickets and the bones of adults become brittle and weak. Dates are also important in keeping up the health of eyes. It is quite effective in guarding against night-blindness. In the early years of Islam, dates served as food for Muslim warriors. They used to carry them in special bags hung at their sides. They are the best stimulant for muscles and so the best food for a warrior about to engage in battle.

The Prophet (Pbuh) used to combine dates with bread sometimes. At other times he mixed ripe dates with cucumber, or dates combined with ghee. He used to take all varieties of dates, but he preferred the variety called Ajwah.

With this let us all make intentions to follow this great practice of our Master Seyeduna Muhammed Sallahualahiwsallim and May Allah reward us with it.