A journey into the past

A story on how we should be more interested in our family values than the material things that money can buy

BACK TO THE PAST: My three daughters decided to send me to Sri Lanka to my sister Dorothy after I lost my wife Angela after 45 years in a wonderful marriage and 40 years in Canada raising my children. I needed to spend some quiet time and reflect on what life will be without her.

My sister Dorothy has "adopted" a family of 12. She has advised, helped and guided those through difficult periods in life. One of the children is a sweet and pretty girl named Swarna who has been with Dorothy for over 15 years and is now boarding in her home.

Swarna's family, who know my sister well, invited me to spend the Sinhala Tamil New Year holiday in their family home, which is in a village in Kanantota which is in Ruwanwella.

What a wonderful experience it was that I would never forget. A journey into my past, my roots, my childhood back again after 75 years.

Culture and tradition make this time of the year for family only, as they have customs to perform at the exact time but they welcomed me to be a part of this. Although they felt that it was an honour for them to have me in their home, it was really the opposite, and the honour was mine.

Like all large families they have their share of family issues, mostly poverty, but they are happy and live such humble lives. The luxuries that I take for granted, they do not have. One must see with their own eyes the lives of those living in this village. I spent three days with this family visiting homes, enjoying their simple and genuine hospitality.

The only bed they had was given to me and in one bedroom the entire family slept on the floor to accommodate me. Tears came to my eye as I experienced their generosity but it was with great pride they gave this up to make me comfortable.

In my conversations with the matriarch of this family we exchanged advice. Mine to her was about her children, hers to me was on how to live my life without Angela as she too had lost her husband and had raised these 12 children all by herself.

Her love and gratitude for all I did for her was in such excess and only goes to prove that there are little things one can do for the less fortunate that will put smiles on their face and laughter in their heart.

Visiting the different homes was a bit painful since some of them did not have the basic luxuries I take for granted like wash basins to wash your face, sinks to wash the dishes, running water, electricity, beds, tables, chairs, privacy of rooms and only an outhouse for a washroom. Walking on the country roads, meeting folks that stop and talk to me and then inviting me into their homes, was a part of my daily routine.

A tour of the places in the village in a three wheeler with a motorcycle escort by family members was interesting too. Places the three wheeler could not go we walked or hiked, up mountain nature trails.

My greatest challenge was the outhouse, no comfortable seat that I take for granted although someone up there helped me. Difficult to describe the experience well but I did it and survived!

There are so many stories to tell, the shower is in the open, so the females go to a bathing place since there are too many males hanging around. Nudity is no a shame but a part of life if you want to stay clean in this heat.

Helping in preparation of the traditional food was a great experience too. Breaking up leaves, stirring the food in clay pots, keeping the wood fires burning outside in a temporary make shift porch with the clay pot on three stones was a challenge.

Not to mention the smoke in your eyes, but the reward of eating this home made food, was worthy the helping hand.

I have great pictures of most of the traditional customs, like boiling of the milk in the centre of the living room, waiting till the milk flowed over and taking the pot round the house to sprinkle the milk with a fresh branch of a tree, and then lighting of the oil lamps all at precise time which I had the honour of been a part of.

The table that was laid with all the food was a sight to behold and partaking of the meal with the family was interesting.

The mother feeds each of her children one mouth full of rice and curries. Greeting and worshiping each other with beetle levees went on as the whole family wished each other a happy new year. All through everything, I was included.

I was impressed at the honesty, the genuineness of a word given to a friend, that no money or the promise of a better life could change, a word given is a word given.

A lesson to learn that we should be more interested in our family values than the material things that money can buy.

One has only to take time from one's busy schedule and spend time with your country folk, go back to your roots, as I did, and you will find it not only be a rewarding experience for yourself, but all to those poor country folk, who believe that the simple things in life.

I must thank Swarna, for inviting me to her humble home, and her family for accepting me, and treating me as a member of the family, at this very important time of Singhalese New Year.

Frederick van Buuren, Pickering, Canada