Hasty, nasty, tasty (to some) - My name is Am-Nasty

ASIAN: My name is Am-nesty. I was born in the UK. You Sri Lankans must be thinking UK stands for Uswetekeiyawa or Udawatte Kelle in Kandy. That’s all you guys know.

NO. UK is United Kingdom. Though we don’t have a King-dom or anything United we still call it the United Kingdom. Got it you Sri Lankans? Grrrrrr.

Though I was named Am-nesty some people like to call me Am-nasty. Yes. I am Am-nasty. But, I Am-nasty to people from Asian countries. If not I will never get my bread and butter or even a bed to sleep on or a chance to travel to other countries to write some adverse reports.

These days I am really angry. Yes. Very, very angry with you Sri Lankan fellows. Wanna know why ? Though I have no balls and am no ball player I tried to bowl out or let me say out bowl the hard working Sri Lankans in the Caribbean with an Am-nasty ball.

I even got the support of injured Kangaroo Brett Lee to bowl you Sri Lankans out from the boundary line. I have also got some support from chaps like your always opposing leader.

He told me he is yet to play a game of book cricket but he held both his hands up to support me and my nasty campaign.

I got support from the Tigers too. They are supporting me well to tarnish your image. Though I do not usually play by the rules I wanna see you Sri Lankans play by the rules. Don’t you forget my name. It is Am-nasty. Grrrr.

There is another reason I am angry with you Sri Lankans. We got Pakistan out of the World Cup. Then we threw India out of it. I know Bangladesh doesn’t stand a chance. But, you, you, you Sri Lankans are doing bloody well at the World Cup. You beat my country England. That angers me even more.

After all it’s we who taught you people how to play cricket. I just don’t like to see you chaps coming up and winning. If you win the World Cup it would do your country good. I just hate it. I JUST HATE IT.

I wanna see you Asians out of the competition. I wanna see you out and get Finland or Iceland in. I am also mad because your team has ignored me completely. I am told that they are not bothered about my nasty campaign. I hate to see them play as a united team. Come on we are the chaps from the United Kingdom. You chaps must always be divided.

One of you guys wrote in this newspaper called ‘The Nation’ on Sunday “Human rights ‘do gooders’ such as AI ( AI that is my pet name) have their own agendas. They earn their billions and then spend millions purportedly playing the ‘good samaritan’, playing political games in countries where there is potential for involvement.

But, those countries are seldom from the West. These nations are mostly from the developing world and Sri Lanka over the past few decades has been a favourite target due to the ongoing conflict. This type of non-Governmental organisation activity is a huge industry.”

And you Sri Lankans even got former Indian Cricketers Sidhu and Jadeja to slam me. They said you people have the support of over a billion people. You protest against me in front of railway stations, you write against me, you, you Sri Lankans even threatened to protest in front of my home in London. You don’t let me sleep.

Don’t you have any manners? How can I get my bread, butter, jam and even my daily dose of medicine if you continue to do such things.

You will deprive me of my massage, my entertainment allowance, my per-diem, my golf club membership. Do you think you can intimidate me ? Grrrr.

Don’t you know I have plans to protest during the Olympic games in China. Oops there you got another billion people there. Yes China is part of Asia. That is where we wanna hit. Don’t you know, don’t you know I am Am-nasty and I can be hasty, tasty to some but even more nasty to people like you.