Valentine's Day: Is it relevant ?

Today is February 14. Does that ring a bell, anybody ? Well, it is Valentine's Day, the day dedicated for lovers world over and named after St. Valentine, the priest who was executed by Roman emperor Claudius for performing secret marriages for young couples against his royal edict.

No matter whether you are a true believer or a fierce critic of the celebration, Valentine's or Lovers' Day has by now become part of the present Sri Lankan lifestyle, just as it has been incorporated in many other cultures in the globe having nothing to do with martyred priests or unfeeling emperors.

From the beginning of February, shop fronts are adorned with big and small red hearts, roses, and greeting cards. Advertisements invite you to buy special valentine's chocolates, jewellery etc. for that 'special one', and take her out for extravagant dinners, dances or musicals. But, is Valentine's Day truly worth all this trouble ?

There would surely be many among us who would answer this question with a firm 'NO', and with good reason at that. Why do we need a separate day to say that we love somebody or to say that we are loved, when there are 364 other days in the year to do so ?

Should not every day of your life be a Valentine's Day if you truly care for, love and respect those special people who make your life worth living ? Moreover, today's Valentine's celebrations seem to give the impression that you have to shower your lover with flowers, gifts and chocolates in order to express love.

Surely, love is a matter for the heart and not for the purse! Given this state of affairs, it is fair enough for one to argue that Valentine's Day is just another part of the business hype which have made commercial ventures out of similar 'days' like Mother's Day and Father's Day. Yet, any day is what you make of it, is it not ?

Thus Valentine's Day could not only be harmless but could also be meaningful if we choose to spend it in a way that shows the true significance of love, and make it an opportunity to express, even with a simple gesture, how much we cherish the love of those special people in our life. Besides, only a few of us have the luxury of buying a rose or a gift for them every day. So, what is wrong with doing it at least once a year, one may fairly question.

On the other hand, it is not possible to overlook the many local businesses which depend on events like the Valentine's Day to survive. One need not forget that they help the economy and create a large number of part-time and full-time jobs in a backdrop where the unemployment rate is increasing.

Take some time to ponder over the above issues as we take up the relevance of Valentine's Day in the 'Daily News Debate' this month. Your views (with 750-1,000 words) can be sent to 'Daily News Debate', Daily News, Associated Newspapers of Ceylon Limited, PO Box 1217, Colombo, or via e-mail to [email protected] before february 25, 2007.

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Is love really in the air?

Nadira Gunatilleke

Love: Lovers all over the world celebrate Valentine Day on February 14. Eventually some Sri Lankans and all companies have also started to celebrate this day.

On this day thousands of lovers, especially in the West, exchange gifts, flowers, hugs and kisses in the name of love while it becomes another Christmas season for the traders.

But are all of those couples really in love with each other? Is love genuine for all lovers all the time? Is Valentine's Day genuine or counterfeit?

Although everybody speaks about love and the Valentine's Day, sometimes there is no love between some lovers who pretend that they are madly in love with each other. It is fantastic to see such lovers celebrate Valentine's Day with high spirits just to show the outside world that still they are lovers and only death do them part. Love should be there for all days.

Therefore there is no meaning of celebrating this `imported' day which does not have any type of relevance to our culture or traditions.

When exploring the present society carefully, we can see that the number of `loving couples' who are not `in love' with each other is very high. Such couples celebrate Valentine's Day and continue their marital bonds just because they do not have strength to face the society as a `divorced person' or a person who has been rejected by the girlfriend or boyfriend. They do not want to be called 'boot eka kapu / vedichcha ekkena'.

Men do not want to be identified as a loser. What do males and females expect by falling in love with the opposite sex? Most of the time males expect sexual satisfaction, bearing children for continuation of their generation (to carry out the surname of the father) and domestic help from females while females expect love (admiration, tenderness and understanding), companionship, protection, support for casual things come across their daily routine and shelter from males. The two parties expect entirely different things from each other.

Most of the time men receive almost all the things they expect from women because they dominate while women receive one or two things they expect from men because they are being dominated. But there are instances where the opposite happens ! Most of the times both men and women think that they do not get what they want from each other and they give what their partner wants.

For men, it doesn't matter to receive everything without love. For women, it matters a lot. They expect love with everything. Women sometimes get only one or two things from men. Usually it is shelter or protection. In this condition women hang on to men just because they do not have strength to face the society as a `divorced woman' or the society does not let them live alone.

They find out a good substitute for their problems and carry on illicit affairs with other men and enjoy their lives just like their husbands do. Flirting is their hobby as well as the way of taking revenge. There are instances men fall into the same situation and do the same.

In these conditions love does not exist between two persons who should be in love with each other. But they celebrate Valentine's Day just to show the others how well they get on with each other. Sometimes love does not exist between a couple who carry on with each other for years with the intention of getting married shortly.

It is evident that the rapid commercialization of the common society has created most such conditions. It is very funny to see the contents of marriage proposals and what people expect from their future partners. They match all the mystic things but nothing mentioned about the blood group or a proof (blood report) for HIV negativity.

Although all the other entities have stepped into the 21st century love and human emotions are still in the 19th century. Some people's emotions permanently reside in the 19th century. Still boyfriends expect their girlfriends to be virgins until they get married and obey them all the time while girlfriends expect their boyfriends to be virgins, to be honest with them all the time and they also expect them not to take a single glance at any other woman.

Still girlfriends should not be outgoing, talkative, daring, brave or forward. Still boyfriends should be teetotallers. Still husbands and wives suspect each other for having illicit affairs with their bosses, secretaries, colleagues and friends. Still, lovers/married couples believe what others say about their partners.

Still they are interested in telephone calls made and received by their partners. Still they sniff the unfamiliar fragrances coming from each other's clothes. Still they tell their partners to call from the office line to show that he/she is in the office !

Where is the difference between trusting the partner and making sure that he/she is safe ? The difference between love and selfishness is less than a hair's length.

But should it be that way when considering the modern era that we live today ? Most of the lovers still live in the 19th century in their hearts.

So what is the meaning of celebrating Valentine's Day ? Love has several characteristic faces. Love is always closely associated with possessiveness, selfishness and subjugation while love hates and rejects freedom, selflessness and boldness.

Most lovers are possessive. Some lovers love to govern each other while they always carry on some sort of slavery between them. There is no independence among them.

Most of the time lovers do not challenge each other simply because they do not want to lose the domination over each other or hurt each other.

There is a saying `If you love someone or something let it be free, if it is belongs to you it will return to you'. But it seems today all the lovers do the opposite of this and keep the love inside golden cages in the name of love.

There is no meaning of celebrating Valentine's Day without love. First of all love and care should be there, especially among lovers. Love should also be associated with independence and selflessness.

This kind of sacred love will be more healthier and give happiness to everybody with much relaxation. When this kind of love comes into existence the world will be more beautiful and peaceful without crimes executed by heartbroken lovers.

Who knows ? there is a possibility of a decline in the number of abortions, abandoned children and rape cases only when love gains a new face and meaning that matches the 21st century.

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Hugs not drugs, make love not war

Ian Jayasinghe

Lovers: Maybe, Valentine's Day is a significant one this month as you say, ask any youngster and pat comes the answer - Valentine's Day. But many youngsters I asked, replied, "Big Match Fever." However, both questions have one thing in common. The LBW rule.

With all this amorous activity many lovers face LBW as in cricket. Batsmen have the tendency to play back to the 'Doosra' which goes the other way and get LBW. At times the third umpire is questioned "How's zat?" - OUT.

So, one can safely say that this Lovers' Day gives an a la carte freedom which is abused by youthful exuberance. Naturally prudes and traditionalists are vehemently opposed to Valentine's Day.

Valentine, who was a priest went against Emperor Claudius' edict and encouraged amorous love affairs and eventually marriage. This would make the army weak was Claudius' thinking.

Valentine was sent to prison where he fall in love with the jailor's daughter and gave her a card "From your Valentine - guess who?" Valentine was killed and became a martyr due to the wrath of the Emperor. Posthumously he was canonised a saint.

Someone said, there are three rings in life - Engagement ring, marriage ring and suffering! However, as wise men say only fools rush in, the words of Valentine's card beam a riche in history.

There is an urge to merge and look before you plunge, are trite sayings.

The Love thing spread like wildfire throughout the world. America as usual led the way of all flesh, like Bush fire in Iraq!

Don't we have Mother's Day, Father's Day etc. why leave out the keyword in procreation - Lovers' Day? If there was no Lovers' Day I would not be able to write this epistle to you. And you would not be able to read it. And those snobs with their noses in the air, 'huh!' will not be able to call this gibberish nonsense.

They expect all to be born virgins! and remain so.

Consumerism and commercialisation which is a sine quo non has become the bete noire of chauvinist priggishness.

The very word commercialisation has become anathema to them. True, there is over indulgence in this.

True again, we are Aryans and have a culture of 2,500 years. But I pray ask you apologetically "where has this culture gone?" Today Sri Lanka is a cultural smorgasbord.

Take our youth from rural areas who come to the city for jobs as mere orderlies. See their American jeans and posh stiff collar shirts and belts. They are promiscuous Valentines. They can be compared to Rudolph Valentine the prototype of the Latin lover girls swooned over him and when he died, aged 26, they wailed and cried.

Most of our urbanised village damsels look to the westernised local women with envy. They fall into the category of 'aasai, baiyai'. They love it but are afraid, lest they bring disrepute to their families and become ostracised. So they resort to 'hangi muttang', hide and seek love affairs.

Westernised counterparts are open, bold and daring. The village damsels do not wear their hearts in the saree pota, but in their undies.

How can we draw a red line and say that Lovers' Day erodes our culture. See King Kasayappa. Wasn't he a facsimile of a modern Valentine? Ogle your eyes on the Sigiriya frescoes. Wasn't that a lover's dynasty.

The world is moving forward whether for the bad or good. Take a flight on a jet plane and you will be greeted with mementos of heart-shaped cards and a little bit of poetry, chocolates and cakes.

There is so much of hatred in the world today. Envy and jealousy not withstanding that it is a most welcome sign to have Lover's Day. Not for a day, a month, or a year but always.

February 14 is a wake up call to all lovers. Life has been mundane with all its IT gadgets. Marriage has reached breaking point with its daily chores. "Life is one damn thing, after another damn thing," said a statistician. Valentine's Day should be a day to remember for married couples too.

They should rekindle the passion. Play the cassette you made of your marriage ceremony. Chill out at a Valentine's dinner, have some sparkling wine and a special lover's dinner.

"Love is not love that alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove, it is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests" - Shakespeare.

Love is a continuum. But we humans need reminders. So why not celebrate St. Valentine's Day?

There are three things says the Holy Bible - faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love; otherwise you become as sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal - 1 Corinthians. Chapter 13

To finish on a personal note. First I was a 'gamaya'. When I married my late American wife, came February 14. Wow! when I woke up in the morning there was a beautiful card with two hearts and cupid's arrow piercing through them, with the words, 'To my Valentine, Guess Who'. I was thrilled to bits.

Hugs not drugs. Make love not war.

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A lost valentine

Mrs. S. Perera

Personal: Until last year I had no belief or feeling on Valentine's Day. This special day was not celebrated 33 years ago, neither did we have land phones mobiles or computers to make love.

The only way of exchanging love was to meet each other or send letters. I have heard that 'St. Valentine' is a saint but Valentine's name was made aware to the public by means of print and electronic media only a few years ago. It is a day which is very popular amongst the youth.

They buy gifts & exchange them with their lovers. It is celebrated in a very modernised manner. They organise parties, dinner dances and go out for lunches. Most of the day on Friday 14 the lovers prefer to be alone.

There are lots of advertisements in the print and electronic media which are commercialised. Shop-keepers, hotels, restaurants, etc. are benefitted on this day.

When the youngsters talked about this day anxiously, I always told them 'Why should you just love someone for one day, it should, be love for everyday.' I also told, them 'Merely giving and taking gifts, is not love, it should come purely from your heart.'

I have also explained to them that 'Mother's Day & Father's Day' were also celebrated mostly in western countries because their children could not attend to them and look after as most of the children lived on their own when they were eighteen years.

Therefore they came to visit their parents on such a special day - e.g. 'Father's Day or Mother's Day. They did not come empty - handed, so they showered their parents with lots of gifts to make them happy.

I am trying to explain a personal experience of mine. During the year 1974 I met a boy who was very handsome and very good in his qualities. We could not get married due to nationality and other personal problems. Therefore we had to give up our affair with much reluctance.

We both got married and had no contact with each other for about more then 30 years. My thoughts went far during these years about him but I couldn't meet him since then. Due to the advanced technology we now have, I had a chance of contacting him over the phone last year. It was a surprise, I heard his voice. This was just before Christmas in 2005.

I gathered some information about his life, married - with three children etc. We had little chats over the telephone. Last year, I really forgot about 'Valentine's Day' but I had called him that morning and to my surprise he told me that he was coming to see me.

This was on February 14, 2006. I will never forget this day. As I have mentioned earlier I never celebrated Valentine's Day, but this day in 2006 was very special to me. I was waiting impatiently for his arrival. My heart was beating fast. Finally he came, I was shivering, I didn't know what to do.

We just discussed something. He stayed only for twenty minutes but that was enough to cover up the 32 years. He said 'I must go I have a lot of work.' He got up, I forgot that he was married and I was married. I embraced him with tears in my eyes and allowed him to go. These things happen in life and we should face it as it comes.

This year too, I am longing for 'Valentine's Day' at least to wish him and give him a call, if he is unable to come and see me.

I have related this story to show that 'Valentine's Day' is as important to adults as youngsters who are in love.