A Sober Week Ahead

Keeping with the rule of observing a holy week, the Government based in Colombian's Colombo has imposed a rule that all bars, taverns, wine stores and all liquor outlets remain closed from May 9 to 15 in view of the impending Vesak celebrations.

Colombian thinks that the illegal liquor market will thrive due to the non-availability of the stuff in the open. It will be wise for the Anti-Drinking-Bureau to look-out for Anti-Legal-Outlets selling their stocked up piles of bottles during the black-out week.

According to me-Colombian's recent experience in Nuwara Eliya when two holy days followed one after the other (Poya followed by Good Friday) though all outlets were technically closed, the whole town was sprawling with men roaming the place in their drunken stupor.

Illicit hooch was selling at Rs. 1,000 per bottle and posh places were selling liquor in their lounge areas with no questions asked because THE ONES THAT SEEK ANSWERS WERE HAVING A 'TOT' TOO. (In VIP company).

VIP Security

The normal rule in Colombian's Colombo is that the liquor ban should be observed throughout the entire day of Poya.

Some blokes take this rule very seriously. For them the ban applies from pre-Poya midnight to Poya midnight. The liquor begins to flow abruptly when the gong strikes. All Casinos, Karaoke Bars, Night Clubs and many Private Membership Clubs follow the rule to the T, as explained by Colombian above.

Nicely observed NO?

Any More Liquor Licence?

In a recent disclosure a Buddhist prelate declared that it has been revealed this island is dotted with 11,840 Bars and Wine Stores. The prelate also thought that as a goodwill gesture towards this special edition of Vesak, 2500 of the existing number should be closed down. A sober request indeed!

D Colonial Tot

Well, well Colombian observes that like all good things this habit of having a tot under the setting sun came from the colonial invaders. English, Dutch, Portuguese or all three.

But Colombian thinks that D trouble started when some of them decided to tap D coconut palm for toddy to produce dem spirits without waiting for D quota to come from their land.

So! D local tappers made it a habit to have a tot before sunset and TOT'S as a follow-up to it long after the sun has drowned in the ocean and D men were drowned in D liquor and only woke-up at sunrise from wherever they dozed off the night before. Thus D money spinning trade was born.

Coast To Post

Darling it is not only the men of the local folks that got sozzled. Even the fairer ones took a liking to the bottle. Colombian thinks that the habit has travelled very far from the times that were Colonial. A story laced with liquor concerning a leading starlet living in Colombian's Colombo goes thus.

A press 'Photo-Catchers' (You know the type that runs around with a camera hung around his neck, jumping around looking for the right angle) claims that he too looked like a rectangle when the evening ended in the company of this glamorous lass, Colombian was told. The man, who was catching photos at a 'Wedding House' down South met the actress who was gracing the occasion in grand style, posing for photographs with her immaculate permanent smile.

After her second glass of wine followed by lunch, the actress has offered the cameraman a lift back home to Colombian's Colombo. The unsuspecting man has gracefully accepted and found to his utter dismay that he was not only in the company of a leading lady of the silver screen but that of a leading alcoholic too.

The driver was asked to stop at almost every other hotel on the beach belt of the Southern coast and the cameraman was coaxed to join her for a tot. When the day ended, which was by late evening the actress was seen criss-crossing to her bungalow and the camera-man was found leaning against a lamp post waiting for the spirits to submerge.

Rule By The Booze

You know no? How every Simon, Wyman and Carmen gets a chance to power play these days unlike Lee Kwan's Singappuruwa where elections are a-buzz these days.

Almost all the candidates' credentials end with a degree of some sort, unlike here when it only ends with a decree.

That also from the Courthouse for one reason or the other no? Involvement in Kudu, Chak-gudu or anything to do with du, necessarily the ones that can be peddled.

But Colombian thinks that some of them in the 'Mahagedara' also ooze with the booze. (Not the ones acting in the TV serial that is shown daily in that 3 letter TV channel. However those ones only ooze with tears, hic)

Singing In The Dark

Not only starlets darling even singers. The types that stand behind the microphone and deliver 3 songs at a stretch, as if they have swallowed 2 walking sticks, at those 'Sangeetha Sandarshanayas' One of them, me Colombian was told, really gets sozzled before hitting the stage.

The organisers on the other hand are ready to face the occasion as they know that the singer will not be able to make a bee-line to stand behind the mike when his turn comes.

So! when his turn comes the singer is turning too, not even knowing which way to enter the stage. At this point the organisers set their plans into operation. They get the place into a total blackout amidst the audience screams, carry the popular singer on to stage and props him behind the microphone, and when the lights come on the singer is cheered.

After he frizzles through his 3 songs, blackout is re-enforced and the singer is lifted out of the stage back to the booze table.

A. B. C.

No, no I am not going to give you the names of the ones that are oozing with booze at Mahagedara in alphabetical order.

Just to tell you about a good old friend of me Colombian who lived in I.D.H. (Infectious Disease Hospital) today known as Ihala Gothatuwa or something, because people of today will not want to visit you if you lived in a place with an infectious name such as I.D.H..

However A.B.C. was in fact Arachchi Bandaralage Chandratileke and the first three letters were used for easy access.

But as the bloke grew older with a job in the Government service and governed by the petticoat at home, too much to handle no? and the dear A.B.C. hit the bottle violently.

So! Me Colombian re-christened the chap Arrakku Bona-arachchilage Cirrhosis but many told me that his liver has abandoned him a long time ago notwithstanding the major alcoholic bath that it had to undergo on a daily basis. Must be true, because A.B.C. lived to a ripe old age of 76, though jaded and faded at sight, he batted along with or without liver.

You might be wondering why me Colombian is so intoxicated this week. Me already having withdrawal symptoms thinking how to get along without the daily tot? One whole week no aney!