Today's 'staying alive' skills

A friend - well not quite - let's put it this way: an associate, once inquired into my, what he saw as "stressful state" constantly in conflict with the system. He being an avid reader of my churnings did not take me by surprise anyway.

Replying his misconception I told him: "Look I feel quite relaxed in doing so and I would feel stressed out only had I to conform with the system which is why I'm not a mad hound into position and big monies."

Talking of system and stress, saying 'Aye' to the system all the time makes individuals lose whatever is their inner self. I certainly don't want to lose mine), which is why certain individuals digress and go it alone giving up even their so-called 'well placed' income generating 'hot seats' opting for a life of creativity. Outstanding among them - Godfrey Gunatilleke, Dr. A. M. M. Sahabdeen, Susil Sirivardana and Lord Soulbury's son known as Berry, in relatively recent times.

Sirivardana - an Oxford product - on his return from England even preferred the Wanni's wilderness - I think it was Anuradhapura, where he took to teaching in a village school. At the interview he even took the board by storm with his 'pun malla' or reed bag, national dress and Oxford's degree certificate.

Thinking him to be insane, the 'erudite' board members asked why he was taking to such a job despite all highbrow qualifications.

"Why not," shot back Sirivardana.

Today he ranks among one of Sri Lanka's few remaining top level intellectuals - ill used, dumped and forsaken - left with his health and soul intact and that's all that matters isn't it?

Berry (Soulbury), according to my colleague Ananth Palakidnar, had visited Jaffna's famous Sage Yogaswami on a few occasions - all spruced up in lounge suit. It was a common friend of his and the Swami's that accompanied Berry to the Ashram.

Each time Berry appeared before the Swami, the latter had requested this common friend to ask Berry to come some other day until he (Berry) chose to go there clad in white cloth. It was then that the Swami broke the ice which ignited Berry's spiritual evolution culminating in a system-rejecting state.

Berry Soulbury, like all off system products, became what the system sarcastically refers to as 'a recluse' or in finer Hindu parlance 'Sanyasi' and lived in Batticaloa, forsaking even his mansion in London, which mental state to ordinary, middle class minds is being 'kaalakanniya' - a Sinhala expression to indicate one not having what is called the good fortune of enjoying his ascribed status.

Certainly, the Buddha who sacrificed, let alone mansion even a palace and a whole empire, would not be dubbed as such. I believe the labelling to be only in the case of lesser mortals however sincere the attempt may be.

System rejection often invites Sociology's labelling theory into its fullest. Such persons are spoken of as cynics, 'Loose pora', 'Nolabeem kaaraya', 'Naaheta ahannathi eka', 'Murandu kaaraya', 'Athi Panditha' and there it goes endless.

Even Jesus, Prophet Muhammed and The Buddha did not miss out on such privileged references being seen as mad men. That's as far as the 'sane' societal gamut goes.

Now amid this 'sane' social set up, let's see the type of social skills of how people operate others into self-glorification and the diverse 'elegant and sane' methods and tactics used today that are fast becoming accepted social norms - no longer considered abnormal behaviour at all.

Nowadays parents are into what is seen as social skills - so very essential they believe to race on the speedy highway to success. But what makes all the difference is there prevails a distant wail between the social skills resorted to today and the ones of yesteryear.

Those of earlier times demanded ethical behaviour, good manners, sensitivity towards others' feelings, being receptive to others and all that kind of refined attributes which came in the wake of moral compulsions, not to forget good table manners, propriety of dress, speech and even intellectual discourse. But the digressions into mannerlessness that followed amid the celebration of what is called 'market' has received a social licensing that never was.

The cunning, the craft and all that kind of high degree opportunism and aggressive marketing of one's self which marketing differs sexually is widely prevalent. While the female marketing pattern is all retrospective 'ringside' like the highlighting of biological vitals, males are into some other, attracting others of the same species.

Not second to people's nature is their innate ability to know which contact button to press to get what, in Sri Lankan tongue is 'Shape eken wede kara gaththa' (to get the job done). Such persons will also never see you in public. Seeing you in public glare moreso when you are not in the popular 'top ten' chart is an invitation to public wrath.

Therefore, discreet hours are chosen - a situation akin to the hare and hound story - a subtle operative mechanism among so many of such.

Thus, the social skills of a closed, traditional era is undermined as it gives way to the 'glamour' of a hardcore market.

Parents in fact need not worry over teaching such social skills to siblings as genes facilitate such skills adoption. Taking to such skills as ducks to water, they find no hassle in the world of opportunism and upward social mobility.

Talking of social skills, long past are the days of sincere gifting.

'A gift blindeth the wise and

perverteth the words of the righteous'.

I remember reading these lines somewhere. This I believe is the Bible's rendition of what a gift could do. If a gift was viewed that way during Biblical times its corrupt state today is best left unsaid. You've not got your social skills right if you were ignorant of which gift to give whom and what to get - the three Ws as far as a gift goes.

The little errands one does for another, is all part of such gift giving.

There's also the type of gift given expecting a return - a win-win type - no loss for either party - both giver and recipient. Recently a girl got Rs. 10,000 for qualifying into rites of passage. The same amount was returned when the giver's daughter attained such passage rites.

Much of contemporary ill-health is the result of skills manipulation which in turn affects internal biological organs. These resources are so intensely taxed in the manipulation of social skills that what results is a bundle of broken nerves with one organ or another progressively, giving way and the setting in of 'modernism related' diseases - diabetes, pressure and cholesterol.

Despite the great odds of manipulation, scheming and the achievement of heart's desires what greater heart burn to realise a lid is on even what you like to eat most?