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| Saturday, 17 July 2004 |
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It's all in a handshake by Lionel Wijesiri In the social and business world, a good handshake is a great way to network, get acquainted, and sometimes get hired. A Director of Human Resources in a blue-chip company told me that once when he had to choose between two candidates with similar qualifications, he gave the position to the candidate with the better handshake. Body language is a major factor when we make judgments about a person. And there is no gesture so underestimated as the handshake. In the business arena, this first approach to conversation and connection is critical. It is valuable to learn and practice how to extend and receive a good handshake. It should become an indispensable part of the business style. These days, people need a manual to decode some of those weird handshakes. I see kids twiddling, slapping, clicking, and dancing with their fingers, and they actually consider these as "handshakes". A handshake is a very simple gesture, but can be a determining factor in a social gathering. Categories I have shaken a lot of hands in my long business career and can now group them into six major categories based on different characteristics. First, there is the "Finger Cruncher". This type of person is earnest but nervous. While meaning to convey warmth through a tight grip of your hand, he or she only succeeds in causing you pain. This handshake says, "I will not be vulnerable to you. As long as I can grab your fingers before you make it home, I can control the handshake, and maybe even you." The situation becomes worse if you're wearing a ring on your right hand. Also there is the opposite problem-the "Dead Fish Hand Shaker", who places a limp, lifeless hand in yours. While the Finger Cruncher hurts you, at least you feel there is some desire to express a real feeling. But the Dead Fish Hand Shaker is sending only a negative message. Not that many of us have actually shaken a dead fish, but we can imagine how it feels. This handshake says, "I'm actually humbler than you. I am the humblest fellow there is." Or it may simply mean, "I really do not want to hurt you," or "I'm very shy." Another type is the "Hand Pumper", who is overly eager but also insecure. This person doesn't know when to quit, almost as if stalling because of not being sure of what to do next. So he or she just keeps on vigorously shaking your hand up and down-and, along with it, your entire arm. You may not feel pain but you certainly feel foolish. How about the "Mr. Clean Hand Shaker"? This person will barely put three or four fingers in your hand-and then withdraw them quickly, almost as if afraid of catching a dread disease. Such people appear timid and sheepish, to put it mildly. Then there is the "vice-grip" encounter. You cannot get away, even if you wanted to. Your hand is held in a vice grip and you may even feel the opposite hand clasping your left shoulder. This handshake will send people with arthritis through the roof. It is the most painful handshake, and is almost exclusively the domain of body builders. Finally, there is the "Condolence Hand Shaker". This is the person who comes across as too familiar, clasping your right arm or hand with his or her left hand-and perhaps attempting to hug or even kiss you. This behaviour may be appreciated at a funeral, but in the world of business, it comes across as very inappropriate. The protocol for handshaking is simple to learn, but it does require refining. Here is what you should do: Walk up to the person you wish to meet. Look into his or her eyes, smile, and extend your hand. Offer a warm, firm, palm-to-palm handshake. It is that simple. Be sure that your weight is equally distributed on both feet and that your handshake is from the elbow. Women are the newcomers to handshaking in the business arena. They tend to offer weak wrists, twisted bodies, and tilted heads. For ladies: a small advice - Hold yourself so that you face straight forward. Be confident, interested, kindly, and sincere. History In its oldest form the handshake signified the handing of power from a god to an early ruler. This is reflected in the Egyptian verb "to give," the hieroglyph for which is an extended hand. Then a ritual in Babylonia around 1800 BC required that the king grasp the hands of a statue every year during a New Years festival, transferring authority for another year. The ceremony was so popular that when the Assyrians defeated and occupied Babylonia, the subsequent Assyrian kings adopted the ritual in case they offended the gods. It is this aspect of the handshake that Michelangelo so magnificently painted on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Folklore offers another explanation - if a villager met a man he didn't recognise and reacted by reaching for his dagger. The stranger did likewise and they cautiously circled each other. When it was decided that the meeting would not be a fight to the death, daggers were reinserted and the weapon hands were extended as a token of goodwill. This also explains why women, not traditionally allowed to carry weapons, never developed the custom of shaking hands. Variations If you've watched much television, seen many movies, or watched very many athletic events in which Blacks were involved, you've probably seen a number of variations on the "regular" handshake, everything from "high fives" and "low fives" (really just a hand-slap exchange) to the "bro" which involves raising the right hand roughly chest high followed by clasping the thumb of the other person and wrapping ones fingers over the back of the hand of that individual. There are numerous other variations of the handshake including nuances involving the elbow and other joints being bumped that all play an important role in the brotherhood of African Americans. Likewise, if you've watched many old western movies, chances are you've seen Indians greet one another or greet the "white man" by employing a grip most useful in hanging on to someone who's fallen off a cliff, i.e., locking ones fingers around the wrist of the other person. To me, it's a grip that symbolizes the strong bond of a lasting friendship. I figure it's the strongest friendship symbol short of the bloodletting ritual associated with that of blood brothers. Politicians and certain star salesmen tend to modify the traditional handshake by using their left hand to supplement their right hand by grasping the other person's hand, forearm, bicep or shoulder area. I suppose that's their way of trying to convey intimacy or sincerity. And talking about handshake variations, we cannot forget Colonel Baden-Powell. When he entered the capital city of the Ashanti people in 1890 he was met by one of the Chiefs who came to him holding out his left hand. B.P. held out his right in return but the Chief said: "No, in my country the bravest of the brave shake with the left hand." So began the "left handshake" of the world-wide brotherhood of Scouts. After 30 years of shaking hands, I still use the simple traditional handshake and strive to maintain a consistency with friends in social situations and associates in business situations. Whether the group is small or large, I try to shake each person's hand. I do so for at least two reasons. I like to be thought of as friendly, and I enjoy the brief exchange of greetings usually associated with the handshake. |
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