Archives

by Shiroma Benaragama

Raising children is one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world - and the one for which you may feel the least prepared. Here are some ways to tackle your child-rearing responsibilities that will help you feel more fulfilled as a parent, and enjoy your children's success.

Nurture your child's self-esteem

Children start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through your eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression are absorbed by your child. Your words and actions as parents affect the child's developing self-image more than anything else in his world. Praise your child for his accomplishments, to make him feel proud; letting him do things for himself will make him feel capable and independent.

Choose your words carefully and be compassionate. Let your child know that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love him, even when you are hurt his behaviour.

Catch your child being good

Try to think how many times you react negatively to your child in a given day? You may find that you are criticising far more than you are complimenting.

The more effective approach is to catch your child doing something good t. It these statements will do more to encourage good behaviour over the long run than repeated scolding. Make a point of finding something to praise every day. Be generous with rewards - your love, hugs, and compliments can work wonders and are often reward enough. Soon you will find you are "growing" more of the behaviour you would like to see.

Be consistent with your discipline

Discipline is necessary in every household. The goal of discipline is to help children choose acceptable behaviours and learn self-control. Children need those limits to grow into responsible adults. Establishing house rules will help children understand your expectations and develop self-control.

You may want to have a system in place: one warning, followed by consequences such as a "time out" or loss of privileges. A common mistake parents make is failure to follow through with consequences when rules are broken. You can't discipline a child for talking back one day, and ignore it the next. Being consistent teaches your child what you expect.

Make time for your children

With so many demands on your time, it's often difficult for parents and children to get together for a family meal, let alone spend some quality time together. Have your breakfast with your child, take him for a walk after dinner. Children who are not getting attention they want from their parents often act out or misbehave because they are assured of being noticed that way.

Parents should do their best to be available when their teen does express a desire to talk or participate in family activities.

Don't feel guilty if you're a working parent. It is the many little things you do with your child - making a cake, do shopping - that he will remember.

Be a good role model

Young children learn a great deal about how to act by watching you. Before you do something in front of your child, think: is that how you want him to behave when he's angry? Be constantly aware that you are being observed by your children.

Model the traits you wish to cultivate in your child: respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness, tolerance. Exhibit unselfish behaviour. Do things for other people without expecting a reward. Express thanks and offer compliments. Above all, treat your children the way you expect other people to treat you.

Make communication a priority You can't expect children to do everything simply because you, as parent, "say so." Children want and deserve explanations as much as adults do. If we don't take time to explain, children will begin to wonder about our values and motives and whether they have any basis. Make your expectations clear. Make suggestions and offer choices. Be open to your child's suggestions as well. Negotiate with him. Children who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out.

Be flexible and adjust your parenting

If you frequently feel "let down" by your child's behaviour, it may be because you have unrealistic expectations for him. Your child's environment has an impact on his behaviour, and you may be able to modify his behaviour by changing his environment. As your child changes, you will gradually have to change your parenting style. Chances are, what works with your child now won't work as well in a year or two.

Show your love is unconditional

As a parent, you are responsible for correcting and guiding your child. But how you express your corrective guidance makes all the difference in how your child receives it. When you have to confront your child, avoid blaming, criticising, of fault-finding, which undermine self-esteem and can lead to resentment. Instead, strive to nurture and encourage even when you are disciplining your child. Make sure he knows that although you want and expect him to do better next time, you love him no matter what.

Be aware of your own needs

Face it - you are an imperfect parent. You have strengths and weaknesses as a family leader. Recognise your abilities. Try to have realistic expectations for yourself, your spouse, and your children. You don't have to have all the answers - be forgiving of yourself. And try to make parenting a manageable job. Focus on the areas that need the most attention rather than trying to address everything all at once. Admit it when you're burned out. Take time out from parenting to do things that will make you happy as a person (or as a couple). Focusing on your needs does not make you selfish. It simply means you care about your own well-being, which is another important value to model for your children.

News | Business | Features | Editorial | Security
Politics | World | Letters | Sports | Obituaries |

Produced by Lake House
Copyright 2001 The Associated Newspapers of Ceylon Ltd.
Comments and suggestions to :Web Manager