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by Nadira Gunatilleke

According to the Ministry of Social Welfare, the population of elders in the country (the persons over the age of 60) is about ten per cent of the total population and this will grow to twenty five percent by 2030.

According to research done for UNFPA, on present trends, the elderly population will increase to 2.8 million by 2011, 4 million by 2021 and 6.3 million by 2041. This would raise the share of this group to 13 per cent of the total population by 2011, 18 per cent by 2021 and 28 per cent by 2041.

The demand for elders' homes is also increasing rapidly despite traditional Sri Lankan culture, which cares for the elders instinctively. Social Welfare Ministry has taken steps to educate schoolchildren on "caring for elders" as one remedy to the problem. Numerous facilities, including special identity cards have also been provided for elders to assist them to lead a normal life. Different views have been expressed by professionals, sociologists and the public about this situation but the right causes have not been detected for this decline of social values. When examining the current situation, few unnoticed reasons can be seen which have provided the basis for this situation.

In traditional Sri Lankan culture, when a family has both male and female children the ancestral home and other properties of the main family are distributed among the male children. The female children are given a dowry. Most of the time money, jewellery, household items or any other property is given as a dowry which is used by her husband and his parents according to their wishes. At present, this pattern has changed to some extent but still practised by several parents.

After the daughters get married they do not have an opportunity to provide accommodation for their parents when necessary, because of the lack of authority and facilities. Since the daughter lives at her husband's home, the parents also hesitate to go to their daughters because of their son-in-law's usual negative attitudes towards their move. At this point most of the elderly parents seek shelter in an elders' home. But still, in most of families it is the daughters who look after their aged parents.

In most South Asian countries, especially India and Sri Lanka, priority is given to the sons of the family when providing food, clothing, education, love and care, and almost everything. The sons do not experience much hardships and grief. They usually dominate the home since their childhood and do almost whatever they wish. There is no parental objection towards their moves. Because of this they do not understand the pain and sorrow experienced by their sisters. The daughters do not take this different approach seriously when they live with their parents, but how can we say for certain that this does not affect their mentality? According to several adult daughters, they have suffered throughout their lifetime due to this partial treatment of their parents.

Most of the time married daughters do not go beyond the conventional limits to help their aged parents. But under these conditions they cannot be blamed.

It is common to have "favourite children" and "ordinary children" in families. The adored children get more attention, love, care and all the available resources while ordinary children get less attention, especially when taking decisions. Adored children are well cared for in families while 'ordinary children' are overlooked. Most of the children clearly feel this 'difference' and suffer silently. After reaching old age parents prefer to live with their "adored children" but unfortunately sometimes the spouses of those children do not like this idea at all. At this point, the parents look for the assistance of the 'other children' who sometimes have much more wealth but do not have strong affection for their parents due to the lack of attachment during childhood. Elders homes are the only answer available for such aged parents.

We have to accept the fact that although some parents decide to have several children they do not have sufficient resources to raise them. So the children somehow manage to grow up, but definitely they would not take care of their parents because they did not get the care they deserve in their childhood. Sometimes the children are raised or helped by their relations or any other party due to the financial difficulties of the parents.

Under this condition the child does not build a strong attachment to his or her parents. When these children grow up often they just walk away and lead their own lives without taking care of their aged elders. The simple reason is that they do not have any 'feelings' for their parents.

Most talk about the faults of children and of other responsible parties who should take care of the older population of the country, but we have to accept that some elders are also responsible for their condition. Nobody talks about the elders' role in their conditions due to respect for them or cultural restrictions.

The older population of our country also has a great responsibility for improving the mentality of the younger generation. A child of caring parents will definitely take care of his or her parents when they become old. The inner bond which has been fostered between the parents and the child since conception should be protected and improved. This bond helps the child to take care of his or her parents without complying with his or her spouse's wishes. If parents love a child genuinely, the child will never ever fall for outsiders' ideas and go against parents' wishes.

The other point is that parents have to look after their parents (the child's grand parents). They have to show the child how to take care of aged grand parents. This practical example makes very strong impact on children. The children who watched their parents taking care of grand parents naturally look after aged parents. It is natural for such children to look after them. But the children who do not have this experience always think that neglecting elders is natural. If a child truly loves his or her parents would he or she make them miserable on any grounds?

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