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| Monday, 24 June 2002 |
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Official rain date Bob's Banter by Robert Clements "Rain?", asked the weatherman looking at me scornfully. "Yes", I said vehemently, "it rained in the suburbs this morning". "Little knowledge is dangerous," said the weatherman, "we have predicted the monsoons to be here only at the end of June". "Then what do you think fell on me this morning?", I cried desperately. "Could have been your neighbour upstairs watering his plants", said the weatherman with a laugh. "Or could have been his little six month baby having a go at your bald patch. Every year we have so many false alarms from people who say that rain fell on them or they felt a drizzle. Just read our weather reports and don't worry, we are professionals!" "Yes", I said, "but I am sure it was rain that fell on me this morning. The ground is still wet". "The ground can get wet for a variety of reasons. As I mentioned when I was a speaker at a Rotary club meeting the other day, it could get wet when your car is being washed". "It was a big patch of wet ground", I protested. "You must have washed a bus then. Are you a bus driver?" "No", I replied wearily. "What is that strange looking thing under your arm?" "My umbrella" "Did I tell you to carry an umbrella?" "No, but..." "No but. I am the weatherman.You are creating unnecessary panic by carrying that contraption before it is needed. I could get you arrested for these false rumours you are spreading". "But I felt the rain". "Well I didn't and I am the weatherman? Do you know anything about rain? About the clouds that cause the rain? About vapour? About wind currents?" "No", I said. "Then how do you have the courage to come here and argue with me?" "I'm sorry", I said. "Once we give an official date we stick by it. We are very strict with our time schedules, unless the government wants us to postpone it". "The government?," I asked with surprise. "Whenever they have not been able to fill up all the ditches and trenched they have dug up, the date is extended so that they have more time to finish their work. Last year they wanted to extend the date to mid December, but I put my foot down". I reacted sharply as I heard the sound of thunder, and a torrential shower from the skies lashed on to me and the weatherman. I saw him looking up at the sky with scorn on his face. "Its rain", I shouted. "It's not." "Its rain," I shouted again, as the skies opened. "It's not," shouted the drenched weatherman. "How can it be rain when the official date has not come as yet..! |
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